To think the snorer sleeps in the spare room?

[JoeyCreek]

DH is slim, doesn’t drink alcohol and exercises regularly. He has now started snoring. Badly. He refuses to get any medical help. Says what can they do which is probably correct.

I have mentioned to him about mouth taping which he said he’ll look into but probably won’t.

Every night I get into bed hoping maybe tonight will be the night he won’t snore. Every night I then have to go into my DS room who’s at university. I don’t sleep well and end up being exhausted all the time. I miss my own bed.

DH continues to have a great nights sleep in our bed whilst snoring away. Shouldn’t the snorer be the person to sleep in the spare room? Their the one with the issue after all!

At the very least, take it in turns.

Why not make the spare bedroom a cozy space for you? Then it’s a little luxury rather than a punishment. A new mattress topper/pillows/good sheets etc.

Otherwise you are just battling over who should be miserable and uncomfortable and if there’s sufficient space the answer to that should be no one.

just because it’s my sons bedroom and he still comes home during uni breaks. I doubt he would want his room turned into a “cosy” space.

Why do I the person who doesn’t snore have to sleep in there whilst the snorer just carries on?

What has your husband said about taking turns??

Try and convince him to go to drs, snoring could be sleep apnea (which can be dangerous), if it is then a C pap machine could help you both. My partner snores, he always has but it suddenly got far worse (he kept me awake through 2 closed doors) and he's having a c pap trial soon after months of me nagging to see drs.

I've slept in 'spare' room for years, I guess I see it as its me that doesn't want to sleep near him so it's up to me to do something about it, but since he's started waking me from another room I stepped up my insistence on him seeing someone as i've done all i can to live with his noise.

I have turned it into a proper bedroom for myself now though, so i actually prefer it in there! I'm guessing you don't have the space to be able to do that?

The fairest thing would be to take turns but the issue is both of you, not just him. He can't help snoring, you can't help being bothered by it 🤷‍♀️

I'm guessing you've already tried different types of earplugs etc?

Wake him up every time he snores. If he doesn't like it he can go to the doctors or the spare room

If the snoring is new, he needs to see a GP so they can rule out sleep apnea which can be really dangerous if left untreated.

If he’s slim, doesn’t drink much and exercises and has just started snoring that is potentially dangerous. If he refuses to see a GP that’s selfish.

Take it in turns.

Says what can they do which is probably correct. WRONG!

Snoring is a sign of air obstruction which can be life threatening! My brother was similar- thin, doesn't drink etc. He saw an ENT and had a minor op on his sinueses. From memory, it was an anatomical issue causing his snoring. 10yrs on, he still doesn't snore.

DH was overweight and snored terribly. He too refused to see his GP! I made him an appointment and went with him. Long story short, he has a CPAP machine which is silent. He lost 10kg due to having more energy and not napping in the daytime. I'm now weaning myself off having to use earplugs- which I've done for years.

DH didn't need to go into a sleep clinic for testing- they sent the equipment to house, he wore is overnight and posted it back. The only thing he needed to go in for, was the mask fitting.

Also, do this test. I did it on DH and came out with a higher score than he believed he had. I honestly don't think he saw how much he was napping and it was affecting both of our lives.
www.asthmaandlung.org.uk/conditions/obstructive-sleep-apnoea-osa/epworth-sleepiness-scale

Yep the snorer moves.

Yep there's plenty they can do about it medically.

I had an ex who snored terribly. He had an op where they did something to his throat, was years ago so i can't remember exactly. Problem solved. It was a minor op too. Done as a day surgery, he had a sore throat for a few days but he was fine.

So on that basis, i would say that the one who refuses to get medical help sleeps in the spare room!

It could be polyps that need removing OP. Your DH should get checked out.

He can help not seeking help from his GP. Not acceptable and selfish.

Snorer moves esp if they can’t be bothered to go to the drs for any medical help

I'm the snorer here. I'm in DD's room while she's at uni, and on the couch when she's home. Obviously. YANBU.

Another one saying that he needs checking for sleep apnoea.
You make a deal. He goes to the doctor or he goes to the spare room.

If it turns out to be regular snoring, it's not his fault, so you alternate weeks in the spare room.

Ask him why he’s taking no responsibility for, or even caring about your physical health which is being negatively impacted by him.

It’s not a question of fault or blame: nobody is to blame, it’s nobody’s fault, and it’s futile thinking in such terms anyway.

But there’s a problem that needs to be solved. Why isn’t he doing anything to solve it since he is the source of the problem?

He should at least go and get checked out. There may be something that will help. They can’t help all snorers though so it’s not a certainty. Seperate bedrooms can save a marriage.

I really really feel your pain OP. DH snores horribly and my sleep has been badly impacted.

I have however just had the best consecutive 10 nights sleep that I have had for for god knows how long and this is what I've done differently -

1. Inspired by the lovely ladies on a peri and menopause shit sleep thread I tried a silk sleep mask. Yes not snoring related (getting to that) however my situation is exacerbated by being a light sleeper and needing pitch black to get to sleep in the first place. I was highly skeptical but it's helping. I actually woke at 8.30 this am with mask still in place and was very startled by the daylight when I removed it!

1. DH finally agreed to try those nose strips. And in gobsmacked that they have made a considerable difference. Not eliminated it entirely but almost.

We don't have the luxury of a spare room else I would have moved in there years ago

Well in reality you are the one with the issue because you can't sleep and he sleeps fine. I think you should alternate nights in the spare room, it's the fair thing to do.