Annoyed at boyfriends comment?

[aliceevers]

Tonight I met my boyfriend’s friends and his girlfriend - he works with both of them. Had a good night, they were lovely.

We’ve come home and boyfriend said about the girlfriend that every man at work wanted to get with her, including him but she chose his friend.

Like why say this? I don’t need to know who he liked before he met me.

It would help if that made any sense. If your boyfriend has a girlfriend, then who are you?

Boyfriend's friend's girlfriend.

Dump and run.

I found your post easy to understand, and I would be annoyed at that comment too

Ask him why he had to say it about her.
Ego? Is she rich, intelligent or attractive since that is how a man finds his worth (haha)
How inconsiderate, let him know and do not feel insecure more sorry for the small minded bugger.

I would be done.
It would be over for me.
We teach people how to treat us and I would not want to spend 5 minutes more in the company of a man who thinks that is acceptable to say to me.

I would tell him, she is welcome to you, we are done.

You will bitterly regret staying with someone who patently has zero respect or regard for you.
This will not be the last time he shows his blatant disrespect of you.

You are posting this on MN because you know that this is something that you should be more than annoyed about. Your boyfriend has indicated a preference for this girl over you and that you are second best.

You can certainly ask him about this and be upset and have him understand that he shouldn't let you realise that you are second best in future - but that will not change the fact that you are second best.

Or you can find someone for whom you are their first choice, their dream girl, and who tells their workmates proudly how lucky they are to have you.

Over to you

It would annoy me tbf.

I think it’s nothing - if he asked her out in the past and still fancied her then he wouldn’t have said anything. But if you’re annoyed then speak to him about it.

This happened a year before he even knew who I was.

Majority of people have fancied/got with people before meeting their partner and it doesn’t automatically make their partner second best.

Of course if he told me he’d tried to get with her whilst with me that would be a very fucking weird thing to say out loud.

I think having friends of the opposite sex is fine, but I don’t think it’s fine when you’ve had feelings for them.

If he had moved on from that state of mind, he wouldn't have mentioned it.

I am not a MN "LTB" home wrecker. If you are happy with the relationship, then all is well.

Take option one, tell him off and train him to not be loose tongued in future.

Unless he went on to immediately profess his undying love for you and relief that he is with you of his own volition directly after he made that comment, he has a long way to go with speaking sensitively with a partner - or indeed with resolving past crushes with a current workmate.

Yes, we've all fancied people before, but we don't then go on to tell our current partner about it like it's one of life's regrets. He sounds childish and disrespectful. Don't be a mug.

I had a boyfriend once who said he disliked my flatmate because ‘she’s the sort of beautiful girl who would never go out with me and it makes me angry.’

If this was his attempt at negging me, it didn’t work - I just thought of him as a sad little angry reject.

I don’t know why men do this thinking it will make us insecure and eager to please them.

I’m guessing he is young as it seems pretty juvenile. No grown man would be so thick as to vocalise that surely? I’m the least jealous person ever but the disregard for my feelings and downright bizarre choice to tell me that would put me right off this ‘boy’. Please tell me he’s like 20 or something to justify it?

@aliceevers LTB
Second best doesn't cut it on any level

Well he obviously still fancies her and sounds like he is jealous that she chose his friend and not him. It sounds as though if they broke up he would be after again.
The fact he even told you how much he thought of her is so disrespectful to you.
I would end the relationship with him.

I'd say I don't really need to hear that do I? What are you trying to say? Am I second best?

You might as well be direct so you know where you stand

Not great but not the end of the world

so basically he fancied her didn’t happen so he moved on

LTB, any decent man wouldn’t speak to his girlfriend like this (sounds like negging tbh). Would you say it to him about another man? Probably not, because even if it were true you know it would be hurtful. He doesn’t care about hurting you or possibly enjoyed it.

Leave him to have a relationship with his right hand.
Be with someone that value's and respect's you.

@aliceevers
The pp's and I have missed your point in your op.
I think we thought you were posting as his comment was uncalled for.
Your update with this statement says differently.
"I think having friends of the opposite sex is fine, but I don’t think it’s fine when you’ve had feelings for them".
Your issue isn't with the fact that your dp is immature, that he thinks it's ok to tell you he fancied his friends gf, that he doesnt have enough respect for you to keep his stupid comments to himself.
Your issue is that you don't want him to be friends with her as he used to fancy her, now he's told you, she's a threat to you so therefore you dont want them to be friends.
Raise your bar higher, don't blame the gf, tell your bf to make think before he speaks.

Alice, this is the well-known Shit Test that men pull. He's testing your boundaries, finding out what you'll put up with. If you stay with him you can look forward to years of him ogling other women, telling you how sexy they are ~ if there are sexual acts you don't want to do he'll tell you about the women who did them and loved it. He wants you on your toes. Whatever you do, don't tell him that you don't like what he said, that it upset you, because that will be gift wrapping The Ammunition. He'll apologise, there'll probably be some hot make-up sex, but he'll keep this info up his sleeve and will use it the next time you annoy him/stand up for yourself. Fly free, Alice!

It never ceases to amaze me how so many men have so few brain cells