I have a toddler with my dh (his first child) and a ds10 from a previous marriage. Ds spends EOW at his dads but when he's home it's my job to facilitate his weekly rugby matches which can take up quite a bit of time on a Saturday especially if they are away and if there are any socials etc afterwards.
Dh is happy to have toddler during this time. It would be too much hassle taking her along too especially when it's cold and wet like it was today.
But he struggles to cope with her. Today I checked in to see how they were getting on and he said he couldn't dress her, she wouldn't let him so they hadn't been anywhere. She does mess around, wriggle, run away when I dress her. But it's par for the course and I always get it done. He just got stressed out and didn't bother. He then told me she was tantrumming and sent me a video of her clearly upset and kicking off. I found this quite upsetting when I was miles away and not able to do anything about it. Kind of felt like I had to rush home after the game.
He is like this a lot. Overwhelmed by very normal toddler behaviour. Makes me feel bad for not being here when I have two dc and can't be in two places at once. Doesn't make much effort to do anything with her other than a walk to the park. He'd never take her swimming or go to toddler groups on his own.
I just feel pulled in every direction. And let down by him. And if I say this even in a diplomatic way I get the whole pity party of 'well sorry I'm just such a useless dh and father' crap.
He is an older dad (later forties) and I'm in my late thirties so there is an age gap and I sometimes wonder if he regrets having a baby so late in life - even though it was a planned pregnancy and discussed beforehand at length. He is generally very good with her, very loving and does genuinely adore her but struggles with the challenges and lifestyle I think.
I just feel drained. I do most of the housework, work part time, do things with dd on my days off and try to ensure my eldests needs are catered for too. I'm very much the default parent for both of them and it's exhausting.
Aibu to think he just needs to step up a bit?