My husband worked with a women who left his workplace 1 year ago. When she left he contacted her by text a few times to check in with her as he felt it was unfair how she came about leaving her job ( he felt she was bullied out)I didn't see anything wrong with him contacting her then.(she is also married) We haven't been on the best of terms with the stresses of two toddlers under 3 and I am a sahm. Lately I got suspicious and went through his phone(yes, I know I shouldn't have) I seen he messaged her again 3 months ago to see how she was doing. It was all very innocent and about the workplace really and that she must call in to the workplace to see him if she's near by and checked his days .I didn't think much of this only she came up in conversation not long after this and I asked him was he talking to her lately in which he replied "no" that what he knew was coming from a colleague who keeps in contact with her. I thought ok I'll let it go for now and said nothing. A few weeks later she came up again and he said she had gotten a new job in the town he works in. I asked him how he knew and he said his colleague told him. I then looked at his messages again ( yes I shouldn't have) but he was after messaging her again a few weeks after the ones I seen and again asking her how thing were, she replies saying about her new job. The messages again seem innocent but they say about meeting up for lunch one day. She says "obviously on a day she is off" which I found weird! He replies something about getting a "coffee"and sends it and then sends another one right after or "hot chocolate"!
This is a guy who barely answers my calls and if i text he apparently doesnt see or get them for hours! I just can't help feeling like he was hoping for more out of these messages! Why keep following up! She asks about me and kids in one of the messages but he doesn't mention us in his reply. I confronted him about this and he started shouting saying I was blowing it out of proportion that she is an older women (she's in her 50s and he's mid 40s) he said he just keeps in contact because she was the only one from his office who came to his relatives funeral and she bought our kids presents. ( also not true others from his work attended these funerals) I don't want to ruin my marriage over this but I feel like he was been sneaking.