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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be a bit confused about relatives behaviour..

4 replies

Flippityflops · 12/10/2024 19:23

dh and his family have not really spoken to each other for perhaps 40 years.
His mother( ..and this may be leading to me being a bit anxious re this situation - maybe wrongly) was a very manipulative woman who openly told lies .. and when questioned , did things like threaten suicide. She told me I was fat ( i was size ten for reference) .. odd)

He has had little contact over the years with his brother who is now widowed but has a large number of grandchildren who live near to him . About a 4 hour drive away from us .

He has over the last 2 years booked a cottage in the next street to our home - then announced by text ( with no contact whatsoever between times) that he is coming. One time he did not announce it , but just turned up on the doorstep .

My dh is a bit confused as he has not seen his brother for all these years and the brother just now seems to have adopted him and has talked about living here .

He rarely left his home town from what he says and has lived in the same house since he was allocated it - ie he seems to have a set way of life .

He does not really say much when he comes and has not responded to any texts from dh when he is back at his home- he only texts or replies when he is telling us he is renting for a weekend in the next street to us .

they go to the pub and dh tries his best to talk - its all very light and short .

dh feels a bit uneasy - as do I - but we have not got a clue why ..

We are not meaning to be unkind - we understand he may want to link to his brother after all these years .. get that .. but he does not say or indicate that or talk about anything meaningful- it’s just chat like you would have with someone you dont know on a bus or something .

He visits , chats , then does not return messages between visits. Say like we said are you back ok etc via text - we just dont get reply until his next one informimg us that he is coming..

OP posts:
Leeds2 · 12/10/2024 19:27

It sounds like he wants to build the relationship with DH, but has absolutely no idea how to go about it! Are there things between the brothers that caused them to fall out? Just wondering if he wants to simply wipe the slate clean, and start again.

atotalshambles · 12/10/2024 19:28

It sounds like he is a bit lonely and wants to develop more of a connection with his brother as he is getting older. It sounds as if your husband isn't really isn't interested in such a relationship anymore (which is fair enough) after 40 years. I love my sibling very much but find them very hard work and could not cope if they lived near by. I would try to dissuade him (sensitively).

Klozza · 17/10/2024 10:13

I have no advise on the rest, but Mums saying size 10 is fat is wild. My mum was a size 10 and she was always going on about how she was fat when she was tiny! Seems to be a common thing for that age 😭😭

Candystore22 · 17/10/2024 14:11

Sounds like his brother is trying to rebuild contact but isn’t very good at social skills. To be fair, it doesn’t sound like he had a great role model for social skills at home. Obviously his mum’s behaviour also had an effect on him and it sounds like he responded by becoming a very introverted man.
I wouldn’t read too much into it. Does your husband enjoy meeting up with him at the pub when he rents the cottage? That’s the main thing I think.

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