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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Am i being unreasonable to be thinking divorce?

29 replies

thiswanderlustgirl · 12/10/2024 18:21

My husband and me have been married 10 months. For the most part we have no problems. But he has mental health issues which mean he can get mood changes day to day. When he's in his low mood he's very short and pissy towards me, and sometimes just won't speak unless i speak to him. He won't be affectionate and can just sit on his phone for days until he snaps out of it.

when he's in this frame of mind i feel like i'm on tenderhooks as i don't know if i'm going to say something to set him off & it makes me feel lonely in our house. For instance one argument started be because i asked him a question & he couldn't hear me, so he snapped 'what' very angrily so i said 'i was only asking.' Then he went off on one saying i shouldn't have been 'f*ng' mumbling. And then he didn't speak for the rest of the day. These little arguments get to the point of it's made me question if i want to stay with him.

he's not on any meds for this , he used to be for anxiety. We both think its perhaps some sort of bipolar as the moods come and go in no time at all. I made him go get a blood test which came back fine and he said he would purse private health care to seek help but he's not making any further steps.

am i being unreasonable/dramatic to think like this , should i just accept everyone has their flaws?

OP posts:
TemuSpecialBuy · 13/10/2024 07:57

thiswanderlustgirl · 12/10/2024 18:30

No children, we have a mortgage & a dog

No one on the internet can tell you if this is surmountable or not.

presumably he wasn’t like this when you met / married.
Marriage is HARD and is work at times even with a good man (people aren’t perfect) but I also see women tying themselves in knots to make it work with abusive / losers they should cut loose.

no children is great news as it’s 1000% more complex with kids.

if he is Bipolar I personally would walk away. my DF had it and it was a tornado wrecking its way through our childhood. Male and females present differently with it as do individuals irrespective of sex. But a key issue is non compliance with medication.
my dad was on and off it for years and boy did we know it.

Stay on very effective contraception until you can work this out and get to a stable place or divorce but you are right to refuse to accept this as the status quo.

id be leaning towards divorce

GabriellaMontez · 13/10/2024 07:59

Your husband does not have a mental health condition.

He's just a twat.

AlertCat · 13/10/2024 08:02

It doesn’t sound like BP to me, and to be honest no mental health condition is an excuse for being an arse towards your partner. If you feel like this I don’t blame you for wanting your life to be different, walking on eggshells is a terrible way to live.
Maybe say to him that he has to make some changes to improve either his moods or his behaviour. As PP have said, there are small positive steps he could be taking to feel better and he isn’t taking them- why not? Does he enjoy having this control over you?

TinySmol · 13/10/2024 08:14

Get a divorce. Do not have children with him.

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