To feel pretty sorry for myself?

[Thehonestbadger]

So this week has been rubbish.
I lost my nan at the weekend, got thrush midweek (tmi i know sorry) and today have come down with the virus that’s going around.

We have 2 DC 3&4, 4yo is very high needs, disabled and at specialist school. DH works long hours in a very consuming career. He’s a great dad when he’s here and fab provider.

This week I got half a day to go see my family on the day she died, then business as usual. He worked 16 hour shifts (including commute) on both Monday and Tuesday, he was supposed to be off on Wednesday and Thursday but spent Wednesday working from home and Thursday booked himself onto a course. I had our 3 year old alone both days all day. Today he slept most of the day as going onto nights tonight and now he’ll be working nights all weekend and I don’t see him at all. So I have both kids.

It’s just business as usual, only it’s one of the harder slammed weeks. I’m just feeling really cross and sorry for myself.

He did watch the kids whilst I had a bath on Wednesday. I think it’s just the ‘days off’ when he could have either given me some time or at least spent some time actually with me but didn’t.

This is really thoughtless and selfish of him. You need to tell him that. It amazes me that people (men) seem to have an ability to check out of family responsibility. I am so sorry. Your life sounds very tough and you are grieving on top of this and unwell. He has been absolutely useless when you need him.

@SummerHouse

Thank you, I was adamant I didn’t want him to take time off work but equally didn’t expect so little on his two days off and that’s really upset me. He’s been kind after the kids have gone to bed but we only really see each other for about 20 minutes before I pass out as I get up at 5:30am most days with them.

I figured he would make an effort to spend time with me on his days off. I asked him to come with me and DD and he just mumbled about needing to get work done as he usually does. I could have kicked off but I just didn’t want to.

You shouldn't have to ask him to help. And you shouldn't have to tell him he is letting you down. But he really needs to hear it. It doesn't need to be all guns blazing but just a conversation where you tell him how you feel. He is prioritising work over you and it's upsetting.

I'm sorry OP but there is no way of managing your circumstances with a H in a consuming career without you becoming exhausted, and possibly over time increasingly distant from each other and resentful. My best advice to you is to seriously reflect as a couple how sustainable his career is alongside his family responsibilities. You are not the only one with responsibility for your children and its neither fair nor realistic for him to carry on working a job that takes him away from his share to this extent.