To consider a new role for £20k increase but long commute

[BubblinTrouble]

Hello everyone

I currently have a great job at the moment. Money is good, 20-30 min commute with me being in the office three days a week. We have a gym onsite so I manage to get my workouts in. Very flex in that if I need to do pick up or drop offs I can. I have two DC - 2 and 4. DD will start reception next September. There are cons in that hours can be long but I can log off and log back on when needed. It’s not always intense just for certain periods of the year. I have good colleagues generally too.

I’ve been offered a job with a £20k increase but the commute time is double. So it would be 45/1 hour. They also require 3 days a week in the office. It’s a more senior role - so I suspect more work?

DH is a consultant so will work wherever his client is based. So the flex quite often falls to me to do drop off and pick up.

What would you do? Stay put or consider the new job? Is it doable with young children? My gut says it’s a great role and would be great for my career but probably not doable with the children being so young and about to head into school.

Any thoughts?

Depends- would it be driving or train as commuting costs can be really hefty even for a few days a week and wipe out some of that gain- along with tax/Ni etc you might find you end up only £600 or so a month better off but more hassle and a more stressful role and it depends if you want that at this stage- only you know that

Yep do the salary calculator to work out your nett increase in pay. Then calculate travel costs - that from nett pay.

If you and your husband are away from home who will collect a sick child. Do you have a family support network?

Sorry forgot to add that. No one local to us. My mum is 1 hour away so no good either.

Have you got the option to move closer to work? (Also if the schools in the new area are equal in quality to your current ones)

I'd go for it - if it doesn't work out you could look for something else but why give up the opportunity without giving it a go? More money, interesting role, still WFH 2 days pw and all for an extra 1 hr commute. Mine are older teens now and it was much easier working full time when they were little and didn't need ferrying about all over the place.

Could you negotiate wfh 3 days a week, this would then even out the longer commute?

I tried this but they just offered more money. 2 days would be the DREAM!

I had opportunities when children were small but made conscious decision not to go for promotion. DH was working away a lot and no family support. I was working shifts which was difficult juggling it all.

However we switched about 10 years ago and I've had a couple of promotions and love my work.
It's been tough but weigh up the benefits v impact on you all.

Only one word of advice that you never get this time back with them again. The trite instagram posts about never knowing when it's the last time they hold your hand walking to school etc are true.

It's nice to have options!

Moving isn’t an option. We love our home and are very settled in the area. Maybe in a few years time but right now we love where we are.

Depends on how much you need an extra 20k imo

Depends how much of a % increase £20k is, I’m on £40k so that would be a 50% payrise which I’d be mad not to take for the sake of a longer commute. If you’re already on £200k and financially secure or if your DH brings home a lot so you have a high joint income then maybe a £20k increase won’t be worth having less time with the kids, less flexibility and more stress. What will you do with the extra income and how much will it improve your standard of living?

Sounds like you've very much talked yourself out of it. Which is fine. That's prob the answer then.

Always listen to your gut .. you job sounds good for you atm.

And..m did you apply for the job? Sonits been offered to you in that context ..so you were looking? Do u work in a field whwre the opportunity will be there in 2-3 years? This time goes by really really fast... 2 years is nothing in the bugger scheme of things.

Wondering about bigger context as others say.....

Enjoy the dilemma tho..amd may e use it as leverage or confidence booster for cureent work if you can

I remember a child at school, never met the mother, granny or sister in law picked up the children. There was no-one around for play dates, parties, school events. The child couldn't do swim club etc.

It's a lot to think about.

It would mean DH could take a more relaxed job (he hates what he does), potentially pay off the mortgage quicker and generally just be more comfortable. It isn’t life changing for our day to day. More to set us up so we don’t have to work crazily until we’re old!

I think that to make this decision you have to understand yourself really well. How important is your career? How important is money? How much do you want to be physically present with your kids? For me being physically present when they are small is really, really important. For my best friend, she loves her kids but her career is what she wants to spend her time on.

Once you know what you want you’ll see you are in an enviable position in that you can turn down 20k because it’s not your priority/ ask DH to step up because you want to focus on career. It sounds obvious but we often get blinded by the money/what we ‘should’ do.

No I wouldn’t do this. Primary years are tough and kids need you around. I am not comfortable with kids being in clubs resulting in long days/cranky evenings etc - if there is a choice I would not choose it. Obvs I understand some have no choice but given you do, I would choose your current set up.

Take it. Kids go into wrap around and DH steps up.

Ok, so if it means your DH could find a more flexible job that means he can do the school runs etc and you taking the role might focus him on doing that, this might be a reason to say yes to the job. You taking the job might give him the kick up the bum to change jobs. And hopefully if it will benefit you career-wise a bit further down the line.

If it’s something you really want to do, and you don’t feel like you’ll miss out on time with the kids, there are ways to make it work.

As others have said , the early school years are much more demanding of your time than preschool child care .
I honestly wouldn’t consider giving up your current stability and flexibility at this stage .
Also agree that the years fly past and you want to enjoy as much time with them as you can .
You can advance your career later .
I did stay at home for the first 6 years , regained my career and I’m flying !
No regrets at all about the time out . Those early years were so precious ! Happiest time of my life ,

I hr isn’t a long commute.
You need to think longer term here. Better salary, pension contributions, plus springboard to even better jobs in the future.
If the flexibility of the current role trumps everything then stay. But it’s all relative. I have a job on the same terms as your new one, and I consider that to be very flexible compared with my previous roles.

When you have young kids, flexibility, travel time and lifestyle is more important than a little extra cash when you’re already comfortable. I’d much rather use that extra hour each day for exercise or going for a walk.

Yes, to be fair, our twins were in nursery til starting school. Our nanny does 3 full days a week and is housekeeping during the day. DH and I can juggle the other 2 days a week after school now they are older and more self sufficient.

I personally stay in a flexible role rather then look up. But that's because DH is earning lots of money and is needed a lot by his job. You can't both do it is my mantra.

It really just depends on your situation and how needed the extra money is. Nobody else can decide this, there are no right answers- it's up to you. Write down a list of pros and cons. Don't forget the extra stress on you.

Under those circumstances, yes. I probably would.

Factors to consider though are: tax implications - will you move up a band and how much will you actually take home? Cost of the commute or any additional childcare you're not currently paying, the benefits of the company - is the pension as good and what does that mean in real terms for your take home pay?

As obscene as it sounds, 20k after tax and if there are significant extra costs associated, doesn't work out as much as it sounds.

Of course there's also career progression to weigh up.

It's never an easy decision when you have kids and would be giving up flex/goodwill.