To keep this as concise as possible, MIL is batshit. MN have been telling me to go NC for years.
I did, two years ago. They exploded at us unreasonably in a restaurant, made baby DS cry, and really upset my husband. Me and DS have not seen them since, except one visit when they turned up outside, and then shouted at us about not inviting them in and said they hoped we got divorced. It was so aggressive, the neighbours from a few doors down came to make sure we were okay.
DH has had a very LC relationship with them. He often tells them he'll see them "soon", but has in reality met with them once since the incident, in January of this year.
Last week they kicked off that they are disappointed that they don't know DS, they don't feel they've done anything wrong, they miss DH and they're getting old, so will need care soon.
Me and DH talked about it, and I explained that they ruined my first pregnancy and the first six months of his life, and I am not willing to go through that again. DH feels they should, at some point, have the chance to "make amends", but agrees that there's no easy way to do that, and they probably haven't changed. They never do. His mum will cry and manipulate and then pretend that nothing ever happened and go back to what she wanted to do.
DH has told them that he'll go and see them next week. We didn't really have chance to talk about it much this morning. I would never tell him not to see them, but I don't want to be part of it, or DS. They're not reasonable, nice people. I truly don't believe it's worse for DS to have no grandparents than them. He is 3, and just accepts that this is how it is. That won't be the case if we introduce them and it all goes wrong again.
I suspect that DH seeing him calling his friend's granddad "Grandad" last weekend has prompted some of his feelings... but he does know that he is not his grandad. It's just what they call him, and the grandad himself is thrilled, and doesn't mind at all.
If he sees them, it's very likely to lead to his very emotionally manipulative mum saying they deserve to know their grandson etc, and then turning up here unprompted making a scene again... and we've had none of that for a year or so, which has been bliss. If he tells them I'm pregnant, I cannot see any way that they won't expect to be involved and turn up at the hospital again, etc. They didn't know my due date last time and turned up for 6 weeks "on the off chance" I was there.
Can I just opt out, here? I've been down this road so many times before. I've encouraged DH to get therapy or talk to friends about his sense of guilt and obligation, but he hasn't, yet.
Ironically we're debating a move far away, and I was really hoping they'd never need to know where we were, to be honest.