Anyone else have a dp who does this?

[autienotnaughty]

Often when I go to speak to my husband even if I use his name or hes the only one in the room he won't realise I'm speaking to him and will suddenly go 'what?' quite snappily.
He also when I'm talking if I ask him a question either start to sneeze loudly or blow his nose or put food in this mouth so I end up waiting a few minutes for a reply. It happens too often to feel like coincidences.
The other day I asked him to check something I was working on. He looked made a noise that was an acknowledgment then walked on the other room to blow his nose. I waited and he never returned! When I went in he was getting a drink , I asked if he intended to finish the conversation. He said 'I said it's fine' (he did not)

I don't think he's always done this maybe the last couple years but it's definitely getting worse. Any ideas what it's about?

I’d definitely consider it then if he’s a good partner in other ways, try treating him on the basis that it is an autistic trait and if he responds to it then you have your answer without any animosity between you.

We went down the right to choose path for an assessment to speed things up, it’s made a huge difference to DP’s life and your partner might find the same.

Before my friend picked up on this I’d have probably posted completely differently.

I don't think so. He doesn't seem to do it with anyone else

He does hear you speaking. He's training you to do as he tells you. You deserve better.

My ex had similar behaviours. I was beginning to wonder if he had autistic traits but, knowing what I know now and being able to see his behaviour for what it was now that I've got the headspace to think clearly, they were just subtle forms of control. Some abuse is quite obvious, even when you are in the midst of it, then there's the very insidious type that is so easily deniable and harder for people to recognise.

Be careful with this one @autienotnaughty , don't dismiss it as something he can't help, especially when he saves it for you 💐

If he doesn't do it to anyone else it's complete and utter contempt for you.

Unfortunately that doesn't change.

Agreed.

It's a cunning way to silence you OP. I'm sorry, it's hard to come to the realisation.

My ex still yawns loudly, interrupting me every time I talk (only ever about the DC though).

If he’s not doing it to others, it’s a choice. He doesn’t like what you’re saying, so he ignores you. I bet if you said something like would you like steak and a blow job he’d hear you just fine.

Or even moderate hearing loss, sounds like he hears something and is trying to figure out what you said or have an excuse to make you repeat it.

It sounds like he is not really present, like he has something else on his mind or is just disrespectful. I would ask him directly what’s going on,

If it's someone else (visitors or work colleagues, someone serving in a shop) he may be expecting a conversation and is prepared to concentrate on what they may say. If you just speak while he is sitting down not necessarily expecting you to speak he may not hear, particularly if you are behind him.

It can be quite hard to change to doing something else instantly if you live with neurodiversity.

Every neurodiverse person will have a process to manage change and it sounds like this is his process which is likely different to yours so hard to understand.