To wish he would just say something nice instead of making it into a competition ?

[VioletW]

I've felt really really annoyed at a message from my partner this morning and yes I am also on my period.

I have a high pressure job as a project manager in an international organisation. He is a professor at a university.

So this morning I'm feeling really stressed about getting through everything before we go on holiday tomorrow.

I message saying that I'm feeling overwhelmed about how I'll get through everything and he says 'Yeah, well that's how I feel every day.' how hard would be just to say I hope it isn't too bad? Or something empathetic. Ffs.

It doesn't take much to send a quick text back saying 'yep, I know how you feel; hope things improve during the day though and we're on holiday tomorrow so fuck em'!! That's the kind of thing I'd get back from my DH if I'd sent him a text saying I was feeling overwhelmed.

I haven't replied because I'm too annoyed but I'm open to suggestions!

Exactly. His response is just so bloody uncaring.

And we're due to go on holiday so I don't want to row about it but I don't want to let it slide either

My husband is the same drives me insane!

@Farmwifefarmlife I'm already feeling emotional. Could cry!

It shows he is self centred.

@letmego24 I agree.

He did follow up the next message with a bar he thought I'd love at our holiday destination/suggestion to book. He is an annoying mix of generous and self centered at times.

Why not just reply saying his text was dismissive?

Surely he will realise that and apologise?

Yeah, I might say that, because you're right.

It was dismissive. He isn't like this all the time

I'm sure it's because we're both very stressed pre holiday but he needs to think

Yes it's worth telling him clearly that you expect support and empathy as you would give to him.
Even if he'd said ' I feel the same' it would have bed. Better than ' I feel like that every day' yeah ok right

I'd reply asking for the rules because he's obviously turning dealing with stress into a competition.

Yanbu It's frustrating when you need a hug and sympathy and don't get it, especially from someone who is meant to be there for you.
Slightly different l but I hate telling my dh if I don't feel well as suddenly he starts to feel the same! I haven't told him half of how I've felt this past week after having the flu jab, as he's due his this weekend, and I didn't want to give him an excuse not to have it (he wasn't keen, never is).
He also feels the need to have solutions when I just need a shoulder to cry on or an ear to listen.

Just wondering, does he tell you he is stressed all the time and if so, what do you say to him?

message saying that I'm feeling overwhelmed about how I'll get through everything and he says 'Yeah, well that's how I feel every day.'

Wow, that doesn’t sound like a supportive partnership at all. I think it’s better to tell him how he’s made you feel before you go on holiday, honestly. So you can have it out and then have some time to try and work on your relationship rather than just go on holiday with unspoken resentment.

Right I've told him it upset me and felt dismissive/competitive. That I just wanted a message of support

We'll see how he responds.

Also minimising

Sorry, cross posted. Well done.

I agree. I got a 'my job is more important than yours' tone from it.

Maybe it would be an idea for you both to have a debrief over dinner each evening, talk about your day, get it off your chest.

I mean, he was at work - that would have ruined my day if my partner unloaded that on me at work when I was being paid to focus,

Talk at home for half an hour then move on.

@Chowtime we are long distance at the moment so it's not possible.

Sometimes we spend very long periods together, working from home at each others places, and that does help because we have an ongoing picture of how the other is doing.

That said, I don't expect him to respond with how hard things are for him when I am having a hard time. He does this often.

He replied apologizing/didn't mean to upset me and saying he 'obviously' wants me to have a good day and thought it went without saying. Well it doesn't go without saying.

He also said giving his side wasn't meant to be competitive, just sharing his own woes.

How often are you dismissive of him when he's feeling overwhelmed? I'd guess at least 90% because women generally are dismissive of men's feelings.
And you've only got to look at mumsnet to see that's true.
A woman wants to spend time with her family every weekend - perfectly acceptable.
A man wants to spend time with his family regularly - he's a mummy's boy that needs to grow up.
A woman feels guilty for going back to work after a baby - perfectly acceptable
A man feels guilty/upset that he missed his child's first steps - suck it up someone has to miss out.

Those are just 2 examples I've seen on here today.

Men are selfish. They could not give a hoot if you are having a bad day because they are a man and ultimately more important. Just left a relationship where if I said something like that the response would be, "oh right I better leave you alone then" i mean WTAF?? lol

This is such bullshit. Women traditionally spend their lives catering to men’s feelings and (again traditionally) are expected to do all the emotional work for their spouses.

No it's not bullshit - the fact you think it's bullshit just proves me right!
99% of women don't give a shit about men's mental health or feelings. They may pretend to but then see their men as weak!