Would you bring DP and child with you away for wedding but not take them to the venue

[CCW14]

A friend of mine is getting married and they are having a no children policy apart from immediate family. I completely understand that (having gotten married myself and having to pay for lots of small children) so I don’t judge them at all for that.

The wedding is pretty far away. Not abroad, but far enough that it will be a few hours travel and a hotel. DH is also invited to the wedding, but since he doesn’t know anyone at the wedding (has met the couple once at our own wedding) he isn’t overly keen to go and have DC at my mums.

Would it be unreasonable for us all to travel together and stay at the hotel and make a mini break/holiday out of this trip, and I would go to the actual wedding myself? I would be paying for hotel myself so no cost involved for the bride and groom. And would you tell them? Or even have them say congrats in the morning over breakfast? I wouldn’t want them to feel awkward like I had to hide my child as he wasn’t invited

Not unreasonable at all. I wouldnt hesitate to do this, and it wouldnt have bothered me if someone did it at my wedding. Id probably just mention it to the bride next time you speak to her. Just a heads up we are making a weekend of it so DH and DS will be staying with me, but they are looking forward to a dad and son day out exploring the area whilst I enjoy a lovely child free wedding with you. I really don't think they will mind, they cant control who's booking into the local area for the weekend.

Not unreasonable, although I wouldn’t bring them in to say hello or anything like that! They’ve invited you, that’s all that matters, it’s not their concern nor are they likely to give much thought to what your OH and child are doing.
‘Im just going to come myself and OH will look after DC, they are going to stay at the accommodation and we’ll make a weekend of it’. Perfectly fine and it doesn’t matter what they think about it. Unless you bring them, in which case, as someone else said, it might look like you are trying to sneak them in!

Because the bride could feel like it’s being rubbed in her face
‘look my child is here AND my husband but he can’t come to the wedding because he has to look after my child’ which is the opposite of what the OP is trying to do. I wouldn’t cause a bride unnecessary stress

Why drag your DH and DC all that way? I’m sure they would both rather spend the evening at home than stick in a hotel room.

Depends entirely on whether the entire venue has been booked for the wedding, or whether there will be other guests staying there at the time.

This 💯

Of course YANBU.

If this what suits you then do it.

I can’t see why this would be an issue at all.

No problem at all, you are funding the hotel and your dc and dh will not be at the wedding. Eating breakfast is no issue, that's not part of the wedding

I think making it a fun weekend for the family, without impacting the wedding is a great idea. I wouldn't stay in the same hotel if it was exclusively for guests though. If not, it's no problem.

Unless they own the hotel, YANBU. Your child has every right to be at the hotel so long as you don't bring them to the party.

I just don’t think a bride would know or care who’s in room 204 with the wedding guest! How is it rubbing it in her face? If bride asks where DH & DC ‘oh they came with me, we’ve always wanted to go to York so they’re exploring today and we’ll go to X tomorrow for the day’

The bride made the choice to exclude children so needs to own that decision. She should know that there will be logistical issues for families as a result and if a guest has found this solution in order to attend she should be appreciative of it.

As long as it's clear that dh and ds aren't going to try to sneak in there shouldn't be any stress for the bride.

As long as they're both somewhere else for all the events around the wedding then it's really no one's business who else is in the hotel or not. I do think it's slightly awkward if the hotel is only for the wedding though - not wrong or anything, I just know it would make me feel a bit odd about it. But as long as none of the other things are about the wedding (breakfast the next morning?) and you're paying for yourself, you can do whatever you like when it's not the actual wedding itself.

Sounds like a great idea tbh

This sounds fine to me.

I don’t think the B&G will think it’s any of their business. Go ahead with your plan and enjoy

Nope I’d go and enjoy a child free weekend

I wouldn't stay at the same hotel as the bride and groom in this scenario. Especially as your husband was invited but isn't attending.

They’re all going 🙂

Great idea to make a weekend of it with your family. But can you stay somewhere different to the wedding party’s hotel?

Just as an update, I spoke to the bride about my plans and she thought it was a wonderful idea to make a trip out of it, and even suggested some places for DH and DS to go whilst I am at the wedding. They aren’t opposed to children going for any reason other than cost. The location they have chosen is quite grand, so therefore the meal is quite expensive per head. If they invited everyone’s children it would significantly bump up their wedding costs