Guilty

[whsm17]

Why do I feel guilty of leaving an emotional affair that was turning into a mental abuse and I felt unwanted and used ... he has zero energy towards me where I feel drained . And I keep realising I don't need a validation anymore and maybe he came to my life to teach me that .I don't want any communication anymore, there isn't any anyways as he only talks to me when he feels like it and when I start getting comfortable and tell my things he has to go , and that's making me feel used. But I'm also guilty of cutting ties , do I tell him all that ? I tried a few times but all he does is cry about his shit life and telling me the only happiness is me , but i don't see it anymore I'm just a person he knows who is there but to me , he isn't available anymore ... its complicated but I'm just so confused how to deal with situation.

Forgive me, I am not sure I fully understand

Are you trying to extricate yourself from an emotional affair you have been having alongside your primary relationship? I can't tell who is who in your post

Well if someone is mentally abusing you and you know about it, as you do, relief is what you should feel to remove yourself.

What's the 'affair' aspect? Are you the OW or is he the OM, or both?

Yes my primary relationship is ruined after he cheated and lied many times , so we both just living our own lives and don't interfere mostly , I wasn't looking for any relationship when I met the other person , well, not on person but online and he was sooo sweet and respectful, ofc i showed him respect and care in return too as im an alpha female and believe in the same kind in return but and now he isn't the same , he is changed a lot , and when I tell him how I feel we are not going to be good foe each other as his life is 1- secret (he never calls ) 2-busy (he just leaves in mins ) he says his work related calls so he likes text but it's just not right on me. We aren't sexual or sexually texting each other I don't like things over texts but had a good communication . Thats gone . And I feel in the same loop again . (This post is about the other man )

"its complicated but I'm just so confused how to deal with situation."

It is, and I don't completely follow, but becoming single would simplify things an awful lot and give you a stronger basis to start from.

I'm sorry I don't understand the OW, OM meaning I am new to the netmums I guess I get it now . He said he never married but lives in the same country as his kids mom , and they hang out and all but don't live together he doesn't talk about her and says we don't put nose into each others affair, but go for lunch and all with kids . Me , I am in the same roof as my kids dad but we have separate lives he does his own things and we co parent as we both work and need each other to watch kids .

He said he never married but lives in the same country as his kids mom , and they hang out and all but don't live together he doesn't talk about her and says we don't put nose into each others affair, but go for lunch and all with kids

Sure he does.

OP you're using this relationship to divert from your primary relationship which is unhappy. You're asking what to do: leave your primary relationship and end this dalliance with a married man with children. It's a hot mess.

Are you officially spilt from your partner - in other words are you free to pursue other relationships?

It sounds like you are not getting what you want from your text friend, and I would end it and move on.

It is unlikely you will find anything stable while you are living with your current partner.

Are you in a relationship and we're having an affair, or, were you seeing a married man, or, we're both sides of the affair in relationships?

Thanks , I need a 3rd person point of view . I cannot get off that man from my mind but when I forget he exists , I feel better , and that made me realise I am just on a wrong path where I have no idea who I am in his life or if there's any future . I told him if I can come and see him and he didn't let me saying he will b busy . He was on holidays , not busy and seeing me half an hour wouldn't harm him , since then he is a bit of detached , I stated his habits , like once he told me his kids mom fainted and I asked him if she has a partner he said idk, the woman's mom texted me and he goes on holidays with kids grandma 3 times a year , visit grandma house every holidays during weekends but it feels a bit weird to me he isn't fully open and cries about his issues to melt me but I'm sick of baying him over serious talks . I feel like being with a mysterious kid and he is in late 40's I am in my 30s I expect a mature behaviour

I'm not really sure what an alpha female is, but I'd be willing to take a bet that they don't hang around in relationships where they are not appreciated.

Yeah I need peace , I was stupid to fall for man's validation ,and I thought he is genuine person but he couldn't keep it up with me , and I literally have been his mom it makes me feel bad how much energy I put into that fake relationship.

So you are in a (shitty) relationship and have been speaking online to a (probably married or in a LTR) man in another country?
Does that sum it up?
If so then focus on how to extract yourself from the former and leave the latter well alone

I meant by that I always handled my matters on my own , took decisions for the family , husband , kids , bills , and other stuff . So I don't really put up with crying men and always sad men looking for attention . And when asked questions about serious matter their answer isn't straight and they still cry how hard their life is . My life is hard too but I talk and get over it not always a sad person .

Yes mine was extra marital affair and about him , he said he never married and the kids mom lives somewhere in the country and he actively sees kids grandma where mom and cousins from kids mom side meet and grandma (mom's mom of the kids ) goes with him on holidays ??? Does that happen? I have no idea if it does ? I'd it normal ?

Thanks I appreciate your response. And yes , you guessed right .

OP concentrate on getting out of the "primary relationship" with your child's father. It's finished, he's cheated physically, you've cheated emotionally, you just share the same space.

Once you're separated/ divorced take a year out to recover.

Then see about creating a new life for yourself that includes the possibility of relationships.

But get single properly first.

Thanks , yes I see no difference I ended up being the same person I hated my husband for . But also see the affair person same , he promised the world to me and made me so attached just to run away and blame me over asking for his time ! I have been sending him gifts and all on his work adress for birthdays and for kids too but he never ever wanted to send me something. It's not about money I'm not a gold digger a quality time is everything for me thats something I never had in my life and I crave for but I'm so tired and done now and want to come.off both relationships and feel happy coz I'm not happy and pretending is tiring I'm so done with all relationship bulshet cannot when cry to feel better , I just cannot cry anymore, I'm too damaged