I'm a teacher but I teach children with behavioural needs. I've done this for about 15 years however took a couple break of 3 years when I had my 2 children. I returned to work about 6 weeks ago, in a new place but still working with children with behavioural needs. Pre-kids, the work was incredibly stressful and draining but I loved it and was good at it. I often worked with children that many others would refuse to work with, I was assaulted numerous times, regularly verbally abused, but it came with the territory and I never took it personally so it never bothered me. I was, however, on constant high alert when at work. I always had to be switched on to try to catch any triggers before a child did or defuse situations quickly before they escalated, sometimes I missed them or they were out of my control and I had to support the child and others around them to get through what would ensue. I was well regarded in my area and would be requested to lead development sessions for teachers on a regular basis. When I got home from work I was often so drained and exhausted but I was going home to an empty and quiet house with not much else to do except make dinner.
Now I have started this new job and I don't feel like I have the mental strength or capacity anymore. I feel like an imposter who got this job on the basis of what I used to be able to do pre-kids but now it feels very different and I just can't cope. I'm only working with one child at the moment and he's been through so much which is reflected in his behaviour, it's hard work but I've worked with far more difficult behaviour and even so I'm struggling. I don't feel switched on the way I used to be and I want to cry sometimes (obviously wouldn't in front of him) because I just don't have that mental strength in me to let the outbursts and comments wash over me like I used to. I dread going into work every day. It doesn't help that my partner works away a lot and that my job is over an hour's drive away on a good traffic day and can sometimes take 1.5hours to get to work or home. I have kids at home now so can't just switch off and have an early night after a hard day. I'm looking for other teaching jobs nearer to home but none are coming up (where we live, there are far more teachers than there are jobs).
I don't know what to do. I just want out.