for feeling that sometimes, I'm not a good enough mum?

[theressomethingaboutmarie]

Does anyone else ever get this? I returned to work full-time about 2 months ago and so am knackered pretty much all the time! DH has started to pull his weight around the house but still, with getting up early, working all day and evening, we're whacked.

I went into DD (7 months) this morning to give her an early feed and saw that she was just soaked - it looks like she had vomited in the night. Her grobag was soaked at the top and her sleepsuit and undersuit were wet too. I fed her and then stripped her, cleaned her up etc.

When I was cleaning her, I noticed lots of red marks around her neck from the wet grobag having been against her neck overnight. I'm reasonable enough to realise that I can't anticipate everything but sometimes, I feel like a really bad mum for not catching everything.

Does anyone else ever get this?
P.S. Please don't turn this into a WOHM/SAHM debate because that's not what it's about.

I frequently feel I'm not a good enough mum. I also frequently feel I am a good enough mum .

I should think every mum has times of feeling they're not good enough, but generally speaking we all are .

Personally I would defy anyone who said they didn't! No-one's perfect, therefore we all go through moments where we think we are doing a crap job.
I've had moments when I've not noticed ds has had a sopping wet nappy and I hadn't noticed. Or he's been desperately crying for attention and I've ignored him as I am frantically running around hanging washing and trying to get ready for us to go out.

This could happen to anyone, you were both so exghausted that you just did not wake up or she did not even cry when she threw up.
Don't worry yourself over this?
It does get easier!

I felt like that this morning. I've been back at work for 2 months now and today is my day off with dd (9mo). It is also my day for catching up with stuff in the house and I felt that I was jusy plonking her down on the floor while I tidied etc. I felt I should be sitting giving her my undivided attention. My rational self says that she is probably just happy to be with me and may quite enjoy watching me sdoing things so long as I keep smiling, talking and singing. When she gets up from her nap I am now going to give her my undivided attention - and any bets she'll get bored of me

If your dd didn't wake you by screaming at having puked in the night and being wet, then I am sure she wasn't too upset by it. Don't best yourself up - we all do our best and as long as we are generous with cuddles and love that is what matters.

You are not a rubbish mother you sound like a normal sane mother to me - give yourself and DD a big hug rather than beating yourself up - DS did that once (being sick in the night) and I tortured myself thinking about what could have happened and why hadnt I woken up when in fact there was nothing more either dh or me could have done, its just the messy part of bringing a baby up.

YANBU to feel this way but you are not right either IYSWIM

I totally understand your reasoning etc. There are so many expectations today and most of them we put on ourselves. You do not have to be a perfect mum, just a good enough mum and I think you are dpoing just that.

For what its worth. I too have had the sick in the night stuff, the rolled out of bed and the wet the bed and still laying in it in the morning. It is a balancing act and I always feel worried and guilt, but it is about normalising the guilt

Message withdrawn

You are a completely normal mother. It has nothing to do with a working/sahm debate. If the baby was uncomfortable or upset you would have heard her cry. She obviously wasn't that bothered by it. It doesn't take much vomit to soak through the clothes so she may have only been sick once and then dropped off to sleep.

You sound like you are a great mum, this happens to all of us, please don't beat yourself up over it.

I'm reading "We need to talk about Kevin".

Now I think I'm a bloody fantastic mum. I'd recommend it for anyone who wants to feel better about their own mothering skills !!

I suffered badly from pnd when ds was born and this was my main symptom - not saying you have pnd - I was really really paranoid to the point of sobbing all day long. However my point is that my hv said something fab to me which has stuck in my mind

"If you werent a good mum you wouldnt be worrying that your werent"

Im not saying that mums who think they are fantastic mums/dont worry at all are not good mothers but by definition the fact that you care enough to worry about this shows that you do care.

Being a good mum isnt about being perfect - in fact thats not a very good lesson for a child to learn at all. The sleeping bag incident couldnt be helped - been there so many times! If you had known she had been sick eg gone in and seen her in her sleeping bag all wet and couldnt be bothered to change it then i would question you but you had no idea and simply cant stand watch over them!

Personally I work nearly full time and when im at work i worry about ds and when im with ds i worry about work lol. Part of the job title im afraid of being a mum. But you sound fantastic.

xx

Thank you very much for sharing your stories - it's rather heartening. I think that part of the issue is that I miss her terribly and as you say, addictedtoharibo, you worry about them when you're at work and worry about work when you're with them!

I don't think that I have PND at all - I was very honest with my HV when she did the questionnaire and we discussed my responses at some length. I think that as she is my first and I don't have any family support apart from my awful stickherfeckingnoseinasI'malwaysdoingitwrong SIL , I'm a little sensitive about the standard of my parenting.

This is exactly why MN is great at times, we all feel like we are crap parents at times (you really are NOT by the way and sound lovely)