What’s the real difference between being a hoarder and just being lazy?

[WavesofIrritation]

I’ve noticed that some people seem to keep a lot of stuff lying around, and it got me thinking - what’s the difference between being a hoarder and just being lazy about cleaning up? Hoarding is often talked about in the mental health context, but sometimes it seems like people just don’t want to declutter because they can’t be bothered.

Is hoarding just an extreme form of laziness, or are there important distinctions? Have any of you dealt with this yourselves or with others?

Hoarders are often self neglecting and usually have a history of trauma. It is a mental health issue. A hoarders house can be a huge fire and safety hazard

Hoarding and laziness are not even close to being the same. You can have stuff lying around/be messy without being either, too.

One of my parents started hoarding in the earlier days of their Alzheimer’s but they were never tidy. A trait I unfortunately live with, I suspect we both have/had undiagnosed ADHD that can make clutter very overwhelming. Hoarding is definitely a sign of mental distress or unwellness.

Hoarding involves an emotional attachment to the hoard. My mum's a hoarder and I'm lazy. When my friend comes round and gives me a kick up the arse I have no problem bagging up all the clutter and sending it off to the tip or charity shop. My mother would have a complete meltdown if anything of hers was removed from her home. She needs all of it. Every single thing. All the hundreds of unmatching plates in her kitchen are essential, even the cracked and chipped ones.

I think hoarders have a lot of fear about getting rid of stuff. They hoard to try and reduce their anxiety. That's not really the case with "lazy" people who just tolerate clutter.

A lazy person would love it if you tidied and cleared their messy house while they were out while a hoarder would be deeply affected and offended by it.

It's the emotional attachment to the crap. If when you think about sorting through the mounds your overwhelming feeling is one of weariness or not being bothered, then you're lazy. If the idea of getting rid of stuff fills you with panic, fear and distress then it's veering in to hoarding territory.

It is possible to be tidy whilst also engaging in hoarding behaviour. It's the emotional attachment to the items that's the thing .

At it's very most basic:

Would you be happy for someone else to come on and clear everything out?

Yes = Lazy
No = Hoarder

Obviously there is far far more to to than that, but the above is a good start.

Yeah someone who CBS would be happy if someone else cleared their clutter for them. A hoarder would get distressed by this

How do you live, OP? Genuine question. I'm an extremely tidy person, my home is very tidy, but not unhomely, I think. I live in a country cottage which suits having my possessions on display and around me.

People who hoard have mental health issues. It must be so tough to live that way, when they so much want not to.

I know people who are extremely untidy and I do wonder is it just who they are or is it that they can't be bothered? I dont care either way. I love being in someone's home that's full of their things, looks lived in and not precious.

My mother would have a complete meltdown if anything of hers was removed from her home. She needs all of it. Every single thing. All the hundreds of unmatching plates in her kitchen are essential, even the cracked and chipped ones.
^MrTiddlesTheCat

This describes my husband too. I look at huge piles of idk one example - belts. Or jam jars. I'll say "do we really need all of these" and I may as well suggest tearing off a limb. He needs them in his life for some reason.

He's on the spectrum by the way. He's wonderful, magical, a beautiful life partner but his hoarding is something I need to endure.
He's not lazy that's the frustrating thing.

Lazy people can get rid of things and are not emotionally attached to random items like every newspaper since 1982.
There are levels of hoarding too, most people are at a , when life gets busy and housework gets away from them items on worktops etc and it doesn't take more than a weekend to shift it all to where it's meant to be.

A hoarder will have piles on the floor causing a fire risk and will take weeks or longer to clear and be a traumatic experience

Hoarding disorders are complex and hard to negotiate. A person who hoards usually does so as a result of previous trauma. It is their way of gaining or maintaining control of something in life. It may be a response to having previously gone without (to an extreme).

Laziness is more like ‘oh I’d rather not bother right now, I have other more pressing things’ (mumsnetting and napping, no doubt).

as a PP mentioned, a person who hoards would be incredibly upset if another person started to tidy or declutter their items. A lazy person would probably be quite happy if someone were to come in and have a little tidy up.

It’s a slow road and can take months or even years to get a hoarder on board with throwing away something another person would put out for the binmen.

These are always an eye opener - hoardingdisordersuk.org/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/clutter-image-ratings.pdf

My daughter is adopted. She keeps bizarre stuff like clothes tags and finds it difficult to throw anything out.

For her her messy bedroom is partly an external representation of the chaos inside her and a soothing memory of when she was little and lived in a horrendously messy, dirty house.

But also, people who experienced early trauma like her often lack "object constancy". This is the ability to know that something still exists even if you can't see it, and the ability to know that the shoes you see today are the same ones you had yesterday. Toddlers learn this by eg knocking a cup off the table over and over and having it returned to them. Kids who miss out on this developmental stage really struggle as adults with possessions.

My daughter cannot cope with cupboards and drawers. She forgets clothes are in there. She has to be able to see them. We actually took the doors off her wardrobe!

She can't differentiate between stuff so she keeps everything. She feels like she was discarded so she won't discard anything.

People who are just lazy can't be arsed having a tidy up, and will probaby be quite happy to sit back and let someone else clear up for them and chuck stuff out.

Hoarders will attach emotional meaning to every little piece of junk and will get upset/angry at the mere thought of anyone chucking it out.

This. A hoarder WANTS their stuff there

I do think the word "hoarder" gets over used. Some people (I may be one of them) like collecting things. So I have a lot of stuff. However, it all has a place, it is not something ridiculous like empty milk cartons, all my living spaces are clear and free from any hazards.

A hoarder will often collect things that are nonsensical to the rest of us, and they will keep going and going until their home is unsafe to live in.

I don't believe that just having a lot of stuff makes someone a hoarder. Likewise, their home might be a bit messy but there's a difference between that and unsanitary/unsafe.

I don't have an issue throwing things away if I want/need to. I regularly chuck stuff out. A hoarder can't as they're emotionally attached to everything. That said, I do feel comfort from having "stuff" so I can understand that angle of it. Living in a minimalist home would make me sink into a deep depression.

Fascinating question, my mum is a mixture of.both , her house was full to the brim of paperwork and books she had inherited, it was a total tip ! However she is now in a care home and was completely happy for her house to be emptied by others .

If a lazy person had someone offering to clear stuff out for them they'd be fine with it but a hoarder would fight tooth and nail not to get rid of even things that seem like trash to others. There does often seem to be a history of trauma

Hoarding and laziness are polar opposites. Laziness is not tidying or cleaning; hoarders are constantly engaged in obsessive collecting, which they go about in a disorganised way.

I tend to keep my space somewhat organised, but I definitely have my moments of clutter, especially during busy times.

My question stems from observing how some people accumulate clutter and whether it reflects a deeper issue or just a lack of motivation to clean up. I think there can be a fine line between being comfortable with your possessions and it turning into hoarding behaviour.

I think a tweak might be 'a professional cleaner or house clearer' Even untidy folk have their dignity and pride and may not want just anyone rooting through their stuff who may judge including family.

I'm neither (well, a bit on the untidy side!) but am quite private and wouldn't want that!

I'd say hoarding is connected with feelings of control and anxiety which the individual associates with their surroundings and belongings. Untidiness is more about a high tolerance of mess, perhaps a lack of self care. This could be as a result of MH conditions or not.

I’m unsettled by the number one picture on the kitchen and living room. The stuff on top of the fridge. That’s worried me.

My Sister is a hoarder. When my Mum died she knew that we would be clearing the house. When I said to her that the dressing table had gone, she nearly collapsed in the street. She hoards in her cars. She can't scrap two cars because she can't bare to empty them and she won't let us. She was paying fines and in the end the council took them and charged her. She tries to hoard in other people's houses. When we've been on holiday in the UK, she unpacks bags of nothing to have around her. She has a history of childhood SA and other trauma.

I think that someone with some kind of trauma/MH can easily go into hoarding, but they are very different things than being over comfortable and liking lots of stuff. I have to clear out the rubbish my 81 year old hoarding neighbour has started to collect. His house is full as in the TV shows. But the collecting and keeping of rubbish only started last year. He cam no longer stay in B&Bs by his DD's because he hoards in his bedroom. It's sad because he says he's lonely but his family can't stay or visit.