To not always want MIL seeing DC only at her house

[carsa]

I'm super accommodating to my in laws when they want to see my kids.

I never say no and I always let them do what they want with them. They often show at inconvenient times, like 6 pm and they usually want to take them to their house.

I always accommodate even when it's not convenient.

Today MIL wanted to see DD and I asked her to come over, which she initially agreed to and then said ' actually I've changed my mind, can you bring her here instead'.

I replied saying I would rather DD stay home today as she's under the weather, which MIL knows.

I know MIL won't be totally happy but it's fine to sometimes not say yes to do it exactly how she wants, right ?? I'm a bit of a people pleaser, if you can't tell!

She turns up at 6pm, dinner time/homework time/bath time etc… and you still let her swan off to her house? Why? Seriously… why? You do know that you’re an adult, and you’re actually the parent here. She isn’t the parent. What is going on?

@Cantalever thank you. Yours is more direct - which is often easier to take in.

As an example to your dd don't pander to mil and her tantrums. ..

It's fine to say no or suggest an alternative if it's not convenient. You're not responsible for your MILs reaction to a perfectly reasonable setting of boundaries. Also, you are setting an example for your children on how to be assertive without rudeness. You don't want to raise them to be doormats, do you!

Would DD rather go or stay home?

I loved nothing more than being at my Nana's.

And I liked eating bonbons for breakfast, doesn't mean it's suitable.

@carsa where is dad in all this???

Doesn't that depend on age of child? Although mi e were never put to bed anywhere near 6pm

@TomatoSandwiches

theres nothing to indicate that time at MIL's is 'unsuitable' & I'm sure the OP would have said if there was.

all the people saying the child shouldn't be made to go...theres NO indication that she wouldn't want to go

That's a her problem, not a you problem. Try to ignore bad behaviour, don't get involved in arguments and reward good behaviour. Basically treat her like a child. Put your foot down, OP.

It's even more essential to set boundaries when this is the response you get, stick to your guns or she'll know tantrums mean she gets her way. It uncomfortable initially but if you don't follow through she'll never respect a boundary you out in.