To ask for stories of building a whole new community in your 30s?

[YourDearDenimEagle]

I’ve always been fortunate to have a solid group of friends, both in-person and virtually. But over the last two years, that group has dwindled. Some friends have faded away after getting into romantic relationships, others moved to new cities, and one close friend struggled with mental health and disappeared.

Now, I only have two close friends left, but they’re both partnered and starting families, which leaves me feeling quite lonely. I didn’t expect to be here, especially since some of those friendships felt like they were for life. It’s been hard dealing with the grief and loss of friendships I thought were forever.

I’m curious if anyone else has experienced this kind of shift in their 30s. How did you go about finding new friends or building a community at this stage? Would love to hear your stories or advice on navigating this tough phase.

Yes, but because I moved overseas, admittedly with my DH but pre-kids. My advice would be:

• Say yes to everything you're invited to, even if not 100% your cup of tea (within reason).
• Try to join some sort of group activity where there is an opportunity to meet people (I joined a trail running club and Crossfit because that's my jam) but give it time. I see a lot of people who are disappointed if they haven't met their BFF within 2 weeks. Be friendly, but let friendships develop naturally. Dont write people off too quickly- sometimes they're a slow burn
• Accept that some friendships are situational or scope limited- I am friendly with a woman who I run with twice a week but we never see each other outside that (wouldn't go for a drink or a meal) but that's ok. Not all friends need to be "ride or die". Good casual friendships are awesome too.
• Try to find a reasonably sociable job with people the same age. I met loads of friends through my job in finance. You don't want to be wfh ideally as you just naturally limit the scope of who you meet/ bump into on a daily basis.

I think it’s a perfectly normal thing to happen. All friendships shift and alter over time. But you sound as if all your friendship eggs are in one basket. Are you not naturally making new friends along the way, regardless of this ‘main’ group? It doesn’t have to be all or nothing.

I did at 49. My DH passed away suddenly and I moved for a fresh start. The key thing though was I had young primary aged kids. I volunteered at school, joined every coffee morning, and invited anyone I met vaguely interesting for a coffee. But I met them all through the school.

I did. Lost half of my friends when ex h had an affair with one of them and people either chose sides (or tried to stay neutral which to blindsided me felt the same as betrayal) or in some cases just didn't know what to say. After a rough year of being very depressed and no fun anyway I emerged to a much smaller but reliable circle. I haven't really built it back up, but gained a few friends via work and when I met now dh. I find as I get older that having fears friends doesn't bother me as it once would have. Quality not quantity.