Do I have a problem? Can anyone relate? So low

[msgmwe]

been back at work over a year now following mat leave. I’m a single parent and have absolutely zero support in the week (I’ve tried all avenues, there’s no answer to this).

I have never been a massively confident person but two weeks ago I was told in a review meeting that I massively lack confidence and it shows. I work in a very professional environment. My work is apparently good but how I present is always lacking in confidence.

since my baby I feel like a shell. I have no time for me. I have no interests that I can pursue. I have nothing interesting to talk about. My life is consumed with drop offs, pick ups, calpol, mess, nappies, organisation for my child. I used to be a different woman and I don’t know who I am anymore. I hate it. I over talk out of nervousness. I don’t express myself well. How the fuck do I change this?

Whoah there girl…..you’re working incredibly hard. As a mother, as an employee. Absolutely, when becoming a mother, it’s 100% natural to not know who the hell you are.
The priorities are you and baby face first. Everything else can fall afterwards. You do need to make yourself a priority though, as everything will fall to bits without you.
Of course, you will lack confidence after becoming a mother. And everything gets turned on its head when baby face arrives. It has to! Nothing is the same. Different, sometimes better, sometimes worse. And confusing! And messy! But I believe that we soon become experts, if you allow yourself to be.
Regarding work, you’re killing it by the sounds of things.
Once you start making yourself a priority, things should start falling into place naturally.
Is your nutrition good? Who have you got to rely on friends wise? Baby sitters? Childcare?
Good neighbours?
You cannot do this alone. But one thing at a time. I know there will be lots of others who will offer lots of suggestions and support. Hang in there! And good on you for doing a great job (work and for baby face) so far!

💐

I was the same. Single parent, working full time and it was a trudge. I totally lost myself.

For me it took time, and slowly I started getting excited about 'me' things again. If you can't get help, can you carve out some time after your baby is asleep for you?

If you can afford it (appreciate life is horrifically expensive at that stage!), treat yourself as often as possible. Even little things, like your favourite box of chocs to scoff in front of the TV, or a Starbucks.

FWIW DS is now 5, and I'm back to being myself. I can't really put a finger on when it happened or exactly how, but it did eventually happen. My energy came back, my desire to do things, and my self-confidence.

Also in answer to your question…….NO! You most certainly DO NOT have a problem! It’s natural to feel low, and lack confidence. A brand new you is coming…….i’m willing to bet in time you will like who you’re going to become.

I would buy a book on body language or watch some videos on it. Often it's body language that gives our lack of confidence away and it can be easy to fake it a little if you know a bit more about it.

Also try to listen more and speak to people about their lives and the things they tell you if you don't feel like you have much going on in your life. A lot of people love talking about themselves so just give them room to do so and ask questions about what they tell you and let them lead the conversation so you aren't the one over talking.

I agree with everything the other posters have said, but thought it might be worth suggesting that you try listening to a free self help hypnosis video on YouTube? I didn't used to believe in hypnosis, but it actually stopped me biting my nails after 50 years, so it definitely worked for me, and that was just a free video. Maybe try this one - Paul Mckenna's Hypnotic Trance for Instant Confidence . Listen to it while you're trying to go to sleep, and if nothing else, it will help you relax. Just a thought.

It's totally relentless even if your not a single parent which makes it twice as hard. With work, fake it till you make it

OP - I'm a presentation and speech coach. Can I DM you? I'd love give you a free session (generally people only need one, so this isn't me trying to hook a client!). I work on helping people with their expressivity and confidence. I might be able to give you some practical guidance. x

You are a single parent, trying to work and survive in quite a tough environment unless you are a genius and they pay you just for the content of your brain and nothing else. Have love and mercy on yourself

Yes

Give yourself some slack. Having a baby is utterly life altering and not always bearable in the early days-the lack of sleep is torture. How dare that colleague be so insensitive towards you.
In the short term, please see your GP and consider Sertraline or a similar anti depressant-it enabled me to get through the long, slow, intolerable illness and death of one of my parents, and also to stand up and do what I thought was a well written and fun eulogy they would have been proud of.
That was last year and I still haven't shed a tear. I cried enough in the years prior to their death and I needed help to get back on an even keel and it has helped enormously with anxiety and insomnia. These meds are awful for the first two weeks then they kick in and for most people, that's when they feel the benefit.
Failing that, I'd change jobs. Good luck.