Uncle with dementia in care but being neglected

[Ibloodylovetea]

I have an aunt & uncle who live about 1 1/2 hours drive away from me. My own parents are (alas) no longer with us. Both aunt & uncle in their 80's - they have 2 sons who live a very long distance away (talking 4+ hours). Their DS visit about every 6v weeks as they both teachers they tend to only be able to visit around the same time. Aunt had a stroke a few months ago which has left her significantly disabled. Uncle has dementia & SS took over & put him into a care home as he'd been bed-blocking in a hospital (following a fall) for about 3 months. i visit them every other weekend. For context I'm 61 & still work full time, also have 7 <step> GCs who I need/want to spend time with as well as out DCs - both DH's and mine.

So, since going into care (2 years ago) uncle has fallen & broken his wrist, dropped a hot drink into his lap & suffered major burns &, last Sunday when I visited, I found him on his bathroom floor. I went to find someone to help to get him up, but it took a long time before the person who I spoke to could get help. I rang my cousins to express my concerns that I feel that he's being neglected, but due to the distance & their jobs they can't visit more often. Also, due to his high care needs there isn't anywhere else that can take him. When I visit I frequently find him wearing someone else's clothes that don't fit him.

I rang both cousins to say that I was concerned that their DF was being neglected & wanted to report the home to the QCC - was basically, was told to but out.

So, do I 'but out' & stop visiting? Do I report the home (am thinking that I really need to do that, despite their feelings).

Aunt is doing OK ATM, but, as I say, is significantly disabled & I take a freezer-full of home-cooked food when I visit, arrange for meals to be delivered, arrange home delivery from Tesco etc.

Opinions please.

I'm sorry but I have not read all of the replies.

In my opinion, their sons need to move their parents to care homes nearer to them so they can be more hands on. The situations they are in is not acceptable and although you are obviously a loving and caring niece, it should be their sons (our cousins ) who are responsible.
You have made it easy for your cousins=to renege on their duties

They could be short staffed aren't most care homes?
Getting other people's clothes, I've heard that before to be honest?

Thank you everyone for your input. I've just taken a call from the home to say uncle has been burned again & he's in hospital with 1st degree burns & can I come down as he's very distressed - WTF?! What are they thinking of giving him hot drinks that can cause that degree of a burn?! Apparently they called cousins but didn't get an answer &v uncle in a bad way. I've called my cousin (the one with POA) to say this is the second time they've given him drinks that are so hot they cause 1st degree burns & I can't drive to the hospital in Truro tonight (which, as I live near Exeter is at least a 2 hour drive probably closer to 3 hours) I'm working tomorrow and I'm supposed to be training a load of people - I can't just drop everything for him. Cousin just saying he's teaching so can't. WELL MY JOB IS AS IMPORTANT AS HIS & IT'S HIS DF FFS!!! sorry to shout - but. DH saying he will drive down to see to it.

No worries, DH on his way God bless him. 😘

Crazy what if there wasn't anyone at all?
They should be keeping him safe.
Dosent make sense the care home is so far away?

You so right, but uncle & aunt in Cornwall. I was born & brought up there but had to 'emigrate' to Devon as most jobs in Cornwall are seasonal & house prices prohibitive same story for all my cousins in that they had to move elsewhere.

They need reporting to the Safeguarding Team at the council.

@Ibloodylovetea Im sorry to hear this update. Obviously you can’t give someone cold tea to drink. It may be he was being helped to drink and knocked the tea/whatever over himself. Or he picked up someone else’s tea and wasn’t being close enough supervised.

Reporting to Adult SS/CQC will at best result in the home having to apply special measures. This usually means yet more paperwork which takes staff even more time away from providing care. If every substandard home/ward was closed, there’d simply be nowhere to put everyone.

You've already mentioned his needs were so great that other homes refused him and it is probably getting to the point where this one may give him notice to leave too.

I really do hate to be so depressing but unless you’ve worked in a number of these homes/wards, you cannot comprehend how utterly utterly desperate the situation is. Even the ones with “excellent” ratings I worked in were a bit shit. It’s just different levels of shittyness.

Im so sorry 💐

Thank you everyone for your input & helpful suggestions DH just left for a very long drive. I'm on my way to bed as I'm training a load of people tomorrow. Have left message for cousins to say no need to worry my DH will deal with with it. No surprise they not answering their phones. DH will check in with aunt in the morning. I've booked him into local Premier Inn for tomorrow night as he's got a difficult day to deal with.

I've flagged this up with DH who's on his way to visit. But at the end of the day it's my cousin's decision. Many thanks for your input x

In mums nursing home there was a small incident with her the other week - nothing major (no burns or anything). The Home referred themselves to safeguarding, to make sure it was properly investigated and reported.

That’s what a decent Home does

Thank you all for your support & excellent suggestions. Uncle in a pretty bad way as the burn was worse than the home intimated. I was able to take today off work to join DH & see him & auntie. DH & me spending the weekend down there until Sunday. Given the situation, one of my cousins and another uncle (who's a <retired> solicitor) coming down Friday to join us for a case conference.