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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect DH to be in contact somehow when he is away for most of the week?

30 replies

pinkbubble · 22/04/2008 22:27

We have 3 DDs - 8yrs, 10yrs and almost 14yrs. DH has always gone away, part of his job, not great but have got used to it and we all accept its part of his job.
Up until the last 8 or so wks, when ever he was away he always rang- most evenings, if he couldn't ring then he would send texts. On the odd occassion he would send an E mail.

When he left on Sunday evening, I specifically asked him to ring as we all missed him and wanted to talk to him. He said he would try but when he is away he is really busy! all day and all night!

I have no idea if he got to where he is going, for all I know he could be anywhere.

Am I being unreasonable to expect some kind of communication? He always used to manage somehow!

OP posts:
DevilwearsPrada · 22/04/2008 22:28

No not unreasnable at all. Seems strange he hasn't contacted you.

beaniesteve · 22/04/2008 22:29

could you ring him?

Original poster
pinkbubble · 22/04/2008 22:30

DWP thats what I think, and the first week he went away, was just awful not being in contact. He didn't even answer my texts.

OP posts:
sammac · 22/04/2008 22:31

Is there a time difference and it's tricky to get the timing right perhaps. When dh has been in Korea it can be difficult catching each other. Can you call or text him. I know it can be worrying, but probably simple explanation.

Original poster
pinkbubble · 22/04/2008 22:32

Beanie, he is out of the country, he would absolutely flip if I rang him. (more about cost etc!) Obviously if one of the girls were really ill/hurt then I would.

OP posts:
Original poster
pinkbubble · 22/04/2008 22:32

Not sure about time difference he is in Poland!

OP posts:
sammac · 22/04/2008 22:35

Okay, no big time difference- just ring him and bugger the cost- tell him you were concerned in case anything had happened. He needs to be contactable for illness etc as you said.

Original poster
pinkbubble · 22/04/2008 22:38

Even when he was in America, he would call me, and I would pass messages on to girls etc. Just cant seem to understand why he has stopped!

OP posts:
Flibbertyjibbet · 22/04/2008 22:46

Why on earth would he flip if you rang him! Sorry but I don't like the sound of this, he is being very very unreasonable.

lisad123 · 22/04/2008 22:48

call him

Original poster
pinkbubble · 22/04/2008 22:50

He would flip because of the cost of the call. DH is very very conscious of spending money! Well and truly!

OP posts:
Youcannotbeserious · 22/04/2008 22:54

I don't think you are being unreasonable.

My DH works in Russia and there is a 2 hour time difference - which can make a huge difference because he's at work early and I'm not up.

But, we still 'communicate' morning and evening. I must admit, the calls are pretty functional - we mostly text in the morning and then maybe e-mail a oouple of times during the day and then one call in the evening.

I'd like to think that I'm pretty easy going, but would be really, really unhappy not to get even a 5 minute call per day....

It does seem odd that this has just started - is he extra busy / stressed?

Some men are just like that though - My dad worked away and my mum didn't hear from him for weeks - even when he was on his way home, he might not phone to say when he'd be there until he was back in the UK.... His argument was if you didn't hear about him on the news, then he was fine!!!

I think the fact it's a recent development is harder to explain away - it's not unreasonable of you at all...

I'd call him... My DH knows that if he didn't contact me, I'd keep calling!! - and the cost would be his problem for not picking up the first time!!

jura · 22/04/2008 22:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sammac · 22/04/2008 23:02

and it will put the message across- he needs to allocate even 5 minutes daily to catch up with you- it's his family too!

Original poster
pinkbubble · 22/04/2008 23:02

I didn't know that Jura. Thanks for that.

I guess if I am completely honest I am just so miffed with him at the moment for not ringing etc. Have spoken to him, explained that the DDs need to speak to him, esp the younger ones.

Have no answer to why he is not communicating while he is away. As I said earlier its only happened in the last few weeks.

For all I know he may not have got there. (although I have the comfort of knowing that DHs firm would have rang me if anything would have happened.)

OP posts:
lisad123 · 22/04/2008 23:06

I would ring and say, that you understand the costs but you wouldnt need to call, if he took the time to call!

Youcannotbeserious · 22/04/2008 23:07

I def. think it's more unreasonable that he's suddenly changed his behaviour more than anything...

I always watch DH's flight on the 'arrivals' website (both on his way out and back) but he always texts me once he's in the car.....

DH also makes an extra effort to make time in the mornings when DSDs are here - as you say, the DD's need to talk to him too, especially as that's been the routine...

Do you think there is something bothering him?

Dalrymps · 22/04/2008 23:09

I wouldn't accept this, I'd definately ring him.

Original poster
pinkbubble · 22/04/2008 23:13

YCBS, I have no idea, he is a very closed man. I have been with him for 2o yrs, married for 16 yrs. He is not a material person at all - eg, I have 1 pr of jeans and so I do not need another pr. I have a pr of work shoes and a pr of trainers - why do I need any more! This is his way of life!

I honestly think he cant see that he is doing anything wrong by not ringing! Strange thing is - its not his phone bill but his company!

He is a lovely person. But at the same time he is very controlling, so part of me is just wondering if this is just another one of his things!

OP posts:
lisad123 · 22/04/2008 23:13

re you worried about anything else of his behaviour? Is he travelling alone?

Original poster
pinkbubble · 22/04/2008 23:14

Lisa, I have no idea, I know he left here on his own but other than that - not got a clue!

OP posts:
taniashort · 22/04/2008 23:19

I think it is totally unreasonable and you should say that it's unacceptable. Especially with 3 children. Pinks, if this is one of his things, maybe you should talk about how it affects you. my Dh is always surprised that I need contact with him - maybe its a bloke thing. But he really doesn't realise how unhappy his not calling me makes me - so I have to spell these things out to him - i.e. this makes me unhappy so you need to call me (sounds simple enough hey!)And he does - he just needed to know. Good luck!

ladymariner · 22/04/2008 23:21

I think it's quite strange, tbh, and I would be upset by this. But I would also have rung him by now and asked what the hell he was playing at by not being in touch, and told him I found it upsetting. Especially when the company are paying the phone bill!!!!

lisad123 · 22/04/2008 23:25

your not gonna sleep tonight unless you call. Pick up the phone and call him. His your hubby for goodness sake, you are allowed to call!

Pinkchampagne · 23/04/2008 13:16

I would call him for definite, PB. You are not being unreasonable at all. He should at least have contacted you to let you know he got there ok.

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