About my boyfriend behaviour

[orangesonatree]

So, I’ve been generally happy with my BF of a few months but I have been known to have low standards after a past abusive relationship so I wanted to run these few niggles by you guys…for context, we are both early 40s I have kids and am divorced and he had never been married and no kids. He is very sweet but:

• never buys me flowers
• never invites me out (we go out if I arrange something, and he pays his share)
• hardly ever compliments me
• If we stay at his he hardly ever makes dinner for me. It’s gotten worse with time.
• i always make a nice meal when we stay at mine. He doesn’t ever bring wine or chocolates.
• I seem to be more bothered about physical intimacy than him. Again, things were better to start with.
• he is constantly exhausted even though I handle many more responsibilities in my life than he does in his.

it feels like he has become very comfortable and is kind of taking me for granted… romance is definitely dead after just a few months… not that there was that much of it to start with. Having said that, I am known for being a perfectionist and always zeroing in on what is wrong rather than the positives… thoughts? Thank you ☺️

Romance is dead after a few months! Not good at all.
What are his good qualities because you've listed a lot of bad ones.

If the sex is already dwindling, the relationship is pretty much over.

You are not his mum or his housekeeper,dump him.

He’s not just taking you for granted, he sounds completely indifferent about being in a relationship with you.

I wonder if you just decided one day to stop contacting him, would you ever hear from him again. I doubt it.

Are these things you feel you could raise with him? Some of those might just be different expectations as a couple.

Forget it OP he sounds like a dead weight. He clearly CBA. He makes no pretence of wanting to share the load eg doesn't plan dates or cook.

Sounds so boring. Just end it.

Thank god he doesn't live with you, much easier to end it when you've had enough

I think you have different priorities to some other people. However, if you are already questioning things and he isn’t making you happy this early on, find someone else.

This isn’t romantic at all. What model do you have for how your bf should treat you? If he isn’t thrilled to treat you, love you, cook for you NOW he never will. And don’t believe people who try to discourage you from having high standards! Expect the best! Don’t settle for any available warm body.

He's not that into you, sorry. I'd call time.

He doesn’t even sound like a boyfriend in any way shape or form tbh.

You're a mate not cherished love interest. It will only get worse

Omg guys you’re harsh! To answer some of your questions so far…
his good qualities: he has a job and is quite career focused, he is smart, kind and polite. And I fancy him.
as for sex, we are intimate each time we see each other (which is a couple of times a week) but I just get this feeling that I’m more into it than he is, and one hears everywhere than it’s usually the man who can’t get enough action especially in the early days 😂

@orangesonatree if you fancy him that puts a different perspective on it because that wasn’t really clear from the first post.

That's a lot to be unhappy with after a few months. He sounds lame. Ditch.

OK well. Some thinking points.

He just doesn't sound like he's making any effort really.

his good qualities: he has a job and is quite career focused, he is smart, kind and polite.

Surely those are just 'he is a person' qualities rather than good qualities?

It's polite to bring a gift for your host, plan dates and cook for your guests.

Exactly what I was thinking.

OP your previous relationships are skewing your view. Other than career focused, these are basic decent human qualities

It shouldn't be like this after a few months. I think you know you can do better than this, split up before you waste any more time

He's not that into you and therefore not pushed about impressing you.

See him out only.
No more cooking for him.
Reprocosity only.
He can't be arsed cooking so why are you doing it for him.

You are making little of yourself cooking him a nice meal.
He's far too comfortable.

Oh and bringing nothing to you when you are cooking is rude and MEAN.

You don't seem to be getting anything out of this, do you feel cared for at all?
It sounds like If you split you would lose the associated work with keeping it going and not much else.

onwards and upwards.

This is supposed to be the "honeymoon period" where you're getting to know each other, spending time you enjoy in each other's company etc.

Your 'relationship' sounds very dull, boring and mundane. There's very little romance, or surprises.
I'd be bored to tears in a relationship like this. It's not going to get any better by the sound of it either.

Oh dear… I guess my standards are a little too low after all…
hmm… some food for thought.
😕

Sorry yes. I assumed that it was clear from me saying that he seems to be less excited about intimacy than I am, but yes…
not sure that does put a different perspective though,,, all things considered…