Comment at work

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A colleague at work commented on my arse as we walked up the stairs and I'm reeling.

He said something along the lines of - "I can see your arse from here" and I felt embarrassed and violated.

He was very careful and did this when we were alone, away from the rest of the office.

Initially I was shocked and put it down to the fact he is senior and used to treat women this way but as the days went on I was angry and couldn't get it out of my head.

I decided to tell him firmly that such comments were not acceptable and he tried to deny it saying that they weren't meant to be taken like that and that he was sorry that it had upset me.

I have a lot of deadlines at work this week and it's been stressful to deal with. Am I being sensitive or unreasonable to feel stressed?

straight to HR. Start a paper trail.

Then definitely email HR about what happened. If he decides to try and escalate into bullying, the sooner this is on record, the better.

Do not ignore his undermining of you - you need to take it seriously and address it face to face. If he says you have done something wrong in a meeting you need to address it there and then in front of everyone. Don't give him an inch. Otherwise he may be building up his own list of 'things you have done wrong'. You need to demonstrate that you will not be bullied. Professionally and politely of course.

he tried to deny it saying that they weren't meant to be taken like that and that he was sorry that it had upset me.

What a bullshit non-apology

Report to HR before he even thinks about trying to make other women feel uncomfortable in the workplace.

The whole ordeal has made me feel quite upset and sick really. To think someone can behave like this towards another person. I can't eat properly.

What a creep. You handled it really well. I doubt he'll do that to you again, but of course he shouldn't have done it in the first place. Horrible man.

I know this is going to be trampled over but…

Is it possible that he could see up your skirt without trying to and he clumsily let you know so you could either avoid going up the stairs with people behind you (go last) or pull your skirt in at the front so it’s against the back of your legs and covering everything.

He shouldn’t have said it because he’s a man. I don’t know if I would tell another woman I had to see regularly that, but I do tell women if their bag / backpack has pulled their skirt up and their arse is on show. They’ve always seemed grateful. I would be.

Yeah that's true but you just wouldn't comment. My arse wasn't on show as I had trousers on. He just made a comment that he could see my arse.

Reported to HR. thanks all

Well done, OP. Let’s hope this is the beginning of the end of his time sexually harassing women at the company.

Well done OP, I would tell my manager as well as HR so if there are any repurcussions you have support.

Op was he walking up behind you. A few steps further down? As I do wonder if he has no filter, as if you’re walking up behind someone you are level with their arse. It’s not a typical come on or degrading comment. Unacceptable yes. But more he’s no filter.

I have walked yo the stairs behind people and I always look down or to the side as if I look straight ahead it’s hard not to look at their arse. Even in my head I’m thinking their arse is straight ahead. I’d never ever say it though.

i think you’ve handled it great, and i assume it has triggered some previous trauma as days later yoh still feel sick and can’t eat.

Important to think about intent. And next steps if you go to hr. Hr will keep a record, and speak to him and say it’s not ok to point out he is basically level with your arse.

Op was he walking up behind you. A few steps further down? As I do wonder if he has no filter, as if you’re walking up behind someone you are level with their arse. It’s not a typical come on or degrading comment. Unacceptable yes. But more he’s no filter.

In a workplace he needs to learn to have a filter, it’s no excuse whatsoever.

Sexual harassment. You'd be within your rights to report him.

Yes and if you’d read my post I said that,

Good luck, hope they give him a warning. They cannot be unaware of his prior unacceptable behaviour.

He does have a filter: he will never have made any of these comments to his male colleagues.

Exactly my thoughts. He does have a filter. He just didn't give two hoots. He also did it when we were alone. He has done this to a colleague also when she was alone.