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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I don't know if I can cope with looking after people's pets for almost a fortnight

39 replies

Fllight · 22/04/2008 19:56

My friend rang last night, when it was beyond bedtime, and asked me if I would be happy to feed their cat next week. I had previously agreed to do it last month, for a weekend, but in the end she didn't go so I didn't have to.
I have two children, aged 4 and 11 mo, and am on my own and finding it pretty hard to cope at the moment - she knows this.
She is married and they have one small child.

I said it was fine, of course, but before the end of the call I asked how long they would be away and she said 12 days.

I am really afraid I won't be able to manage it as it isn't just a quick in and out, it involves emptying litter tray, letting cat out and waiting around to get him in again afterwards - he doesn't stay out at night, no flap.

I will have to get both Ds's there, synchronise their sleeping so they are both awake, and make sure they are under control while I do said cat stuff.
The problem is, Ds1 usually comes out of school and falls asleep, so we might be stuck here, and Ds2 is now crawling everywhere and I just don't want to commit to this regime for nearly 2 weeks.

I am actually a bit cross that she put me on the spot, knowing how hard things are at the moment, because I would have felt incredibly mean saying no.

Am I being really unreasonable? It might be easy, but I just have an awful feeling the cat will refuse to come in for anyone who isn't his mummy, and I'll be stuck there for hours with the children.
She showed me how to make the 'calling' noise last time, I don't think I can get it right!

I would hate to let her down as she hasn't been very well. Just am sooooo tired, my house is a tip and I sometimes can't even get dressed.
Hope this doesn't sound too pathetic.

OP posts:
Original poster
Fllight · 22/04/2008 19:58

It does sound pathetic. Perhaps it will do me good to think about someone else for a change

OP posts:
Fillyjonk · 22/04/2008 20:00

oh god flight

no you are not being unreasonable, not at all

(ps am I correct in saying that you are the poster formerly known as floraposteschild?)

Eve34 · 22/04/2008 20:02

Don't be down on yourself, it is a commitment that you are unsure if you can meet, just try and time itright LO can always sleep whilst there and you can relax whilst waiting for the cat. Hope all goes ok.

Eve

can you pop round before they go away and see the cat before hand?

sagacious · 22/04/2008 20:03

12 days is a long time - I would possibly ask a neighbour (who's a very close friend) in an emergency (if all cattery's were fully booked) if she'd help out but if it involved a trek to get there I wouldn't dream of asking

It is asking a lot IMO

My cat is booked into a cattery for our summer holidays (7 days)

spicemonster · 22/04/2008 20:04

No YANBU! I pay someone a tenner a day to do that for me because I think it's utterly unreasonable to ask any of my friends to do it because I can't reciprocate (small child, blah blah blah).

There are people that do this for a living. You can find them via your vet.

I think she's got a bit of a cheek asking you when you have two kids tbh.

lucyellensmum · 22/04/2008 20:08

YANBU a cat flap is easy to install. Say that you will go and put fresh food down and change the litter tray - just say that you dont feel you can commit to anymore than that. I have had to do this when my mum has been ill or away from home, its a nightmare - the cat will of course be fine, if you just go around once a day to let him in/out - the thing is, if they were to put the cat in kennels it would cost them between £8-£12 a day, so it is quite an imposition really. If it was just a case of putting some food down, but what you describe is too much, especially considering your children.

Fillyjonk · 22/04/2008 20:09

I owuld actually find it a bit much to go round to someone else's house with my kids every day, actually. Unless they were right next door.

Let alone make "calling" noises, wtf is that about?

WorzselMummage · 22/04/2008 20:42

your not being unreasonable atall, it does sound shit.

I looked after a mates cat for a bit while they were away, it just involved feeding it and letting it out in the morning and poping round in the evening and letting it back in. It wasnt that time consuming and if the cat hasnt been there when i got back i'd have just left some food outside and come home. cats are prety self sufficient. If its got a litter tray and aple food it really doesnt matter whn time you go round there, it'll survive. it's only a cat after all.

if you feel you cant get out of it try not to stress, it'll probably not be half as bad as you think.

rookiemater · 22/04/2008 20:44

YANBU

I'm quite happy to look after my neighbours cats but they have a cat flap and DS loves entertaining them ( eg running after them and trying to pat them). I am meant to change the litter every day but tbh I do it every other day and just scoop out the poos in between. I couldn't be bothered having to call them back and sort out their toilet trips though particularly if its not within walking distance.

Ilovenutella · 22/04/2008 20:48

Can you mimic the calling noise in text?????? YANBU at all..... Can you offer to do it a couple of times rather than the full fortnight? I promised to look after my friends' cats for a weekend and completely forgot them on the Saturday - fortunately they were ok but never got asked again...............

Original poster
Fllight · 23/04/2008 08:17

Oh wow, I never expected this - thought I'd be jumped on.

Filly - yes that's me...FA...Flightattendant...how are you?

I looked after a neighbour's cat once when she was away for 3 months! But that was practically next door and I only had one very small baby then. It was Ok as I only had to put down food, and they had a nice TV and such so we could hang around...mind you I didn't much - like to be at home really.

These friends live about 5 minutes walk away. I am thinking of downsizing the commitment slightly - ie I will deal with the in/out issue somehow when they have gone - if he isn't in and we need to go we will just have to go.

I thought that about not asking - I wouldn't dream of asking a friend to do this, even if they were next door and had no commitments - which is why I'm upset really.

The worst thing is it seems to be a pattern - I am often asked to do things by people who think because I'm a single mother, I have nothing to do and no plans already made. While their family life is set into a routine and they aren't flexible.

By no means do I think most people would think that way - just a few people I've known. I was hoping this family weren't like that.

I'm sure it won't be as bad as I fear

If the worst comes to the worst we can probably miss a day if the boys are asleep or whatever, I'm sure he won't starve!

OP posts:
MummyDoIt · 23/04/2008 08:24

Does he have to go out? If he uses a litter tray, I see no problem with keeping him in for a couple of weeks. He'd be inside if he were at a cattery. That would eliminate your 'hanging around' problem. Please try not to miss a day, though. I'd hate to think of my cat left for a whole day without food. If he eats dried cat food, you can leave enough down for a couple of days, just in case you can't make it.

littlepinkpixie · 23/04/2008 08:24

You dont sound pathetic, or unreasonable.
If this cat isnt able to use a cat flap then maybe he might be better off in a cattery while they are away. cats are tough creatures though - you are right - he wont starve if he misses a day here and there.

Original poster
Fllight · 23/04/2008 08:26

Mummydoit you're right - I have a cat and she would be upset not to be fed for a day. Mind you when my parents are away their cat doesn't seem to want its food, I suppose I was thinking of leaving some extra in case, but I won't miss a day if I can possibly help it.

Thanks for all the ideas everyone.

OP posts:
maryz · 23/04/2008 09:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Threadworm · 23/04/2008 09:47

YANBU! When I ask friends to look after my small animals when we go away I go to great lengths to make sure I ask in a way that makes it easy for them to say no.

And this cat sounds like way more work.

KerryMum · 23/04/2008 09:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FluffyMummy123 · 23/04/2008 09:54

Message withdrawn

Original poster
Fllight · 23/04/2008 12:05

Cod we are ALL in bed by 8pm

teatime is easier
I might even do it mid afternoon

When will I learn to say no? By the very fact that she asked me, I know she would think me unreasonable. Otherwise why ask?

I still have no idea why they don't have a cat flap. It is a very quiet road.

Never mind...they are nice people and I expect I might find a way to call in the favour at some point...the thing is, I wouldn't, as I know they are busy and have enough to do really. I just wish they realised that about me.

Kerrymum that is hysterical, are you still friends with these people???!! Did any of the birds die?

OP posts:
Original poster
Fllight · 23/04/2008 12:06

I know, I'll get someone to babysit my kids while I go to feed their cat after bedtime.

OP posts:
VacantlyPretty · 23/04/2008 12:12

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VacantlyPretty · 23/04/2008 12:13

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bozza · 23/04/2008 12:13

I think mid afternoon is the best time TBH as long as it fits in with your baby. How is it located compared to the school run? Could you go early to pick up your eldest thereby only having the little one with you and do it on the way IYSWIM.

Kitti · 23/04/2008 12:20

For that length of time the cat should be in a cattery but perhaps the cat hasn't had any innoculations so the cattery wouldn't take it. TBH I wouldn't let the cat outside. Just go, empty the litter tray, give it some fuss and and food and leave it (maybe with the tv on low or a radio for company) Despite what many people think cats can live happily inside homes without ever having to go outside. Fair enough this cat is obviously used to more freedom but it's only 12 days and at least then you know it will be safe. There's alot of problems that could arise in letting the cat out and it's not your responsibility to make sure it doesn't get run over or lost etc but it wil become your responsibility if you've agreed to take care of it. Years ago I would go and feed a friends cat but it was left outside with a shed to go into at night - another time I had a friends' 2 cats at my house which made it easier but this was b4 I had dogs!! (or kids actually)

VacantlyPretty · 23/04/2008 12:24

Message withdrawn