Childless and not taken seriously

[Biscuits247]

I'm going to caveat this with asking those of you working in London not to answer. Only because it's just different there regarding people in the middle of their career having/not having children...Where I live around 80% of adults over the age of 30 have children (young or adult).

At my workplace (where I am a senior member of staff), I've noticed a tendency for those with children to be dismissive towards, and make comments about the immaturity of those without children. This seems to be regardless of every other aspect of the child free workers lives, including caring responsibilities etc. I would add that those the same age with children do not seem to attract the same negative and condescending attitude.

My AIBU is to those who are childless; have you experienced this in the workplace?

YANBU I've experienced this too
YABU That's not my experience

I think some examples of the comments might be helpful here?

I think the sort of "how can you be tired?? You don't know what tired is!" comments are probably common, albeit annoying. I don't know if that's what you mean though.

I've worked in Slough and Maidenhead and never had a problem. Not sure if that's close enough to London to be discounted. Those people just sound like idiots, having a child doesn't create maturity, there are plenty of parents who are irresponsible and immature and should definitely not have had children. I would just disregard everything they say because they clearly aren't worth it. I'm sorry they are making you feel this way, it actually takes courage and maturity not to just follow the standard life script.

OP you may get more replies if you post this here

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/childfree-mumsnetters

I didn't have children for most of my 30s and I don't believe I ever noticed anything like this at work.

Unfortunately you only need to spend time on forums for people who are childfree/childless to see the number of breathtakingly cruel and stupid comments that they are subjected to. That they can't possibly be tired, they don't have kids. That they won't know love until they have kids. That their life must be devoid of meaning if they don't have kids. How sad it is nobody will bear their legacy. That the parents deserve time off more than people who aren't parents. That childfree people should work Christmas. etc. etc. etc.

These comments need nipping in the bud. Either be speaking to the speaker and letting them know there and then that's a really odd thing to say, or speaking to the recipient later and telling them they would be supported if they want to tackle this directly in the moment.

This only happens in workplaces with a thread of being toxic/bitchy I will say. In healthy workplaces I've never heard anything like this and if something comes out the wrong way, it's recognised and addressed and worked through.

Of course this happens, but I agree you should come to the MNers without children forum, as on the general forum you'll get lots of parents telling you this doesn't happen. It has changed slightly for me since I got married. I can only assume that bought me 'maturity points' in their eyes. Honestly, I don't care what they think. A lot of these people's only 'achievement' in life is having children, I'm just glad that isn't me.

I don't have children and I'm in my early 40s. I'm inclined to say that at work it's the opposite. I'm FT and have maximum flexibility of my schedule so I'm taken more seriously than PTs/people with more restrictions. I'd say women without children have had more promotions than those with children (no time out and focused on work as highest priority). I don't expect it to always be like this. As I get older, the breaks my fellow women have taken to have kids will disappear into the mists of time but, no, at the moment, I'd say at work it's better to not have kids.

However, in my personal life it's a different story. Friends who are parents will fit me in on their terms and in the wider family, my needs are basically completely unimportant compared to all the people of my age who do have kids. I understand it but I don't enjoy it! To cope, I unaplogetcially ensure that I put me first. Nobody else will do that so I need to advocate for myself and be clear about my boundaries. That doesn't mean being rude by the way. I have good relationships with all these people but I'm aware that I'm not high up their list of considerations.

No I haven't noticed this. I didnt have children until my 30s and didnt notice any difference in how I was treated to throughout my 20s and I have worked in the same place (NHS).
My workplace is majority female with a mix of mums and non mums. I don't treat them differently or notice anyone else treating them differently.

Our organisation goes far to ensuring things like flexible working are equal to all staff regardless of caring responsibilities and things like annual leave at xmas are done fairly, parents don't get priority.
Is it perhaps your own feelings that are clouding your perception of how you feel you are treated?
I think some of the comments you have mentioned (immaturity of childless people etc) are pretty outrageous and verging on discrimination.

Not in the workplace. I think what helps in my case is that a lot of people there are a similar age and don't have kids. But in hobby groups, yes. I feel like you are seen as a child until you are married or have kids of your own. I'm often left feeling left out in group conversations by women who have husbands and kids to talk about.

I’ve never experienced this at work or anywhere in real life, the only place I’ve actually encountered this kind of hostility to child free people is actually on here!

I was going to say this.

It might be my industry, but I was taken far more seriously at work before I had children. In fact my boss said to someone after my first maternity leave "it's annoying when women come back after having child, as it's never the same" (yes, I have since left this place and took them for some money in the process)

I would say lean into the benefits of being child free (eg hoover up all the big projects/over time that others can't) and try to ignore the sarky comments.

I do know what you mean outside of work though. Even though we had an actual child together first, my parents only took my partner/ our relationship seriously once we got married. It was actually really gross to watch.

Only thing I notice is the holiday issue. In my current team again we have the situation where half term, Christmas and the summer give priority to parents. Manager sent out an email asking those of us without kids to consider the others when requesting time and to avoid booking too much time in the summer or at Christmas as it takes away from family time for others. I am still annoyed about it.

I have family too and my partner's family can only go away during school hols.

Also expectation that we will stay late over parents, which again I won't accept

Yes I noticed it before I had kids. Especially the you can't possibly be tired bullshit and prioritising Christmas breaks for parents. But one of the biggest cringe moments I witnessed was at A and E with my daughter who told a junior doctor who was dead on his feet that he wouldn't know what tired meant till he had a child!

I remember one dad said to another guy, “You obviously don’t have children,” when the guy shared what he and his wife got up to on the weekend. I felt bad for the guy because he and his wife were seeking fertility treatments.

Before having a child, I got the occasional comments like people asking when I would have kids when I got married or saying I am getting clucky when someone brought their kid in.

I had loads of people saying “it’ll be you next!” when colleagues brought their babies in, I was going through fertility treatment and it never was me!

I’m childfree and in my early 50s. I’ve never experienced any such comments in the workplace - not heard anything about relative maturity levels of people due to whether they do or don’t have children.

I have seen squabbles about holiday but I prefer to go away outside of peak seasons so it never bothered or affected me personally.

Thank you to everybody who has posted replies. I wonder whether it's a single and married one then. I note what a poster said about not being taken seriously until married.

Just to be clear it's not been an issue in most workplaces I have worked in but there was more of a mix of families, couples and singles (probably due to my previous work locations). I was also younger then so maybe I accepted the immaturity schtick from colleagues that now pisses me off.