AIBU to wonder if my daughter may not have ADHD when my mother is convinced she does

[Frozenflaking]

my daughter is 9. She has always found it quite difficult to concentrate and as a younger child to sit still in class. Now she’s older, she is able to sit still in class and not cause any disruption. The teachers are happy with her and feel she is progressing well and is well behaved.

I have noticed that she is often day dreaming and not listening well when she’s doing after school sports etc and my mum is convinced she must have adhd because her cousins do. However I’m not so sure.

she has a nice group of friends with what I would consider the usual amount of bickering. She entertains herself really well at home playing imaginary games. She has no issues with sleep or food or anything sensory really apart from liking to chew things like her coat, sleeve or hair. She does get over emotional at times and upset if she feels someone is being mean to her but again I would say within the realms of normal.

today though she told me she finds maths so hard. She said that she listens to what the teacher says but by the time she gets to the end of her explanation my dd has forgotten the first bit and has no idea what to do. She said lots of random things pop up in her brain when the teacher is talking and they distract her and she can’t understand how the others in class know exactly what to do when she has no clue what the instructions were. She says it happens in other lessons but mainly maths. I would say she is below average in maths but fine for language. This, I thought, does sound like possibly adhd. But it is only one symptom.

because it’s not massively impacting her life if it is adhd, would there be a point even putting her in for assessment? I feel school wouldn’t be aware of the issues and the issues are not massive anyway. She doesn’t mask at school and then offload at home or anything. Is it possible to be a bit of a daydreamer with a brain full of ‘pop ups’ and it not be adhd? And even if it was, what could she do? Are there any strategies to help keep focus in class? My mother is adamant I should go to the GP but I think the referral would be rejected

thanks so much

I wouldn't say it definitely sounds like adhd and anyway to get an assessment the 'symptoms' have to be visible in two different environments...e.g home and school or school and an extra curricular club etc.

Can you ask the teacher to have the instructions/tasks visible to her, particularly in maths...written down on a whiteboard or sheet so she can refer back to? This is good practice which really should be done to ensure all pupils are able to access learning as many children find retention difficult in this way.

"She said lots of random things pop up in her brain when the teacher is talking and they distract her and she can’t understand how the others in class know exactly what to do when she has no clue what the instructions were."

This sounds like it's impacting her quite a lot! She's not saying, oh I sometimes miss stuff; she says she can't understand how anyone would keep up when presumably most of the class do so reasonably easily.

So yeah, it's possible she's a daydreamer. It's also possible she had ADHD or another neurodiversity or learning diffrence and the way to find that out is an assessment. If she did have ADHD, medication, and/or strategies for both her and her teachers could help. The one that springs straight to mind is having instructions written down, as well as given aloud.

I would say she doesn’t concentrate on what someone is saying in her clubs as well but that’s pretty much the only symptom I have noticed. Which I would have thought on its own wouldn’t be adhd

Thank you. If school haven’t noticed anything though, would the referral be rejected? I do like asking school to write things down. I think having things written down in bullet points would be useful. Although there’s one teacher to about 28 kids so not how feasible it is

She sounds just like my 8 year old daughter, and to be honest me when I was as school.
People have questioned if I have ADHD, and I admit I do fit some of the criteria, but have never pursued a diagnosis as I wouldn’t take medication so don’t see the point.
I frequently question if my daughter needs a diagnosis, my husband feels it would hold her back so very against it, he thinks she is just a typical energetic 8 year old, I’m not so sure.
there are different types of ADHD, so possibly worth exploring more if you think knowing would benefit her.

My DD has ADHD.

It's pretty classic girl ADHD to have inattentive, but not hyperactive or impulsive symptoms. My DD was described as "not paying attention" and "away with the fairies" by teachers, but without any suggestion that they would do anything about it or get a diagnosis. I eventually suggested it and got a private diagnosis. The psychiatrist who diagnosed her was clear that it isn't severe enough for medication.

Schools don't particularly push for diagnosis as it isn't disruptive and can be managed by the class teacher. But I think they got a bit more proactive with teacher led interventions once DD was diagnosed - just simple things like seating her away from distractions and giving her a timer to get her work done.

I really don’t know. I don’t think my DH would be wanting to explore a diagnosis because I think he’d be of the same thought as yours. I just don’t feel she has enough traits and think maybe you can be NT and easily distracted? So hard to know!

Chewing is a sensory displacement activity. It might help her focus but it does not mean there are not underlying conditions. Impulsiveness and distractibility also suggests there may be something. Might not be adhd but another spld. She might cope now, in a familiar school setting with familiar staff and classmates but become more anxious and unhappy at secondary transition or in different environments. .

Thanks that is good to know and your dd sounds very similar to mine. I think I might chat with school and see what they see- did your dd find any strategies useful for concentrating on the teachers explanations in class?

This is true about secondary school and something I hadn’t considered. Also really interesting about the chewing

Dyscalculia can crop up alongside ADHD. If she's in primary school, I would go ahead and pursue a diagnosis NOW.

I wish I had followed up on my DD's very mild symptoms when she was younger. Secondary has been an utter disaster for her and the CAMHS waiting list is 2.8 years.

my son who was described as having his head "in the clouds". needed and received his ADD diagnosis in his final year of university.
in hindsight it would have massively helped if he had had it 10 years earlier.
don't delay even if she is coping now, in six months time she may no longer be able to.

This is very similar to my daughter. She is 8 and since she was 5 her teachers have said she lacks focus and is easily distracted. My husband and I are not sure whether or not she has enough symptoms to be diagnosed with ADHD. But, she has recently been assessed by her school and they think she is dyspraxic. Because of this we have now spoken to our GP to see if we can get a referral for a diagnosis. We're waiting to see if we can get a referral.

The strategies used for my DD haven't really been about listening to explanations. She's an infuriating child, at times, as she can appear not to pay attention to something and then be able to do it anyway. She is often allowed to skip listening to explanations and just get on with her maths.

My DD struggles with getting on with tasks, particularly boring ones and anything involving writing as she has dysgraphia (another thing that appears alongside ADHD). This means that interventions are often about getting her started and keeping her going. She also struggles with organisation, so can easily lose something she's holding.

Please take this onboard OP. I was amazed at the signs I had missed when my child was diagnosed as ND. Things are just normal when it’s your child. You aren’t comparing them to other children closely. You can’t know without an assessment & things can take years to get support put in place. Secondary school can be so different for children to cope with. So I’d definitely look at an assessment now. Also schools are skint so won’t support much at all unless they have to.

Please get her assessed. I have ADHD, and did well at school… but the impact on me was enormous. I was diagnosed at 40, and I so wish I’d known when I was younger.

Your DD sounds similar to mine when she was that age. She said she'd try so hard to focus and then hear the teacher say "and that's how we get the answer 47" and she'd be mortified she missed the explanation again.

My DD was diagnosed with dyslexia age 9 and 'coped' with primarily school, she's bright, although had difficulty with organising herself, keeping up with homework and emotional regulation. She chewed her school jumper, pen tops and doodled in her book whilst the teacher was talking.

The wheels started to fall off at secondary and we barely survived GCSEs. She has now been diagnosed with ADHD and Autism age 17 at 6th form college, and is getting extra support, and despite still struggling, she's started to enjoy it. She still loses track of an entire lesson (only in computer science) and comes home and googles the work and teaches herself so she doesn't fall behind.

A diagnosis isn't a stigma and you don't have to disclose it. But it does help to understand the difficulties someone is facing and it helps me be a better parent to my DD. The advantages of a diagnosis are huge if you are offered support. My DD has been predicted A level grades much higher than she could have attained without this extra help. She has 25% more time in exams, (she does her most productive work in that extra time), she sits in a smaller quiet exam room with fewer distractions, has a card to exit class discreetly if she's feeling overwhelmed, sees learning support once a week to make sure she's not falling behind and they help her manage her anxiety.

In my experience schools aren't very good at noticing learning difficulties with children, so I wouldn't rely on them to flag it for you. Especially at this age, it became more obvious at secondary school.

Your DD may not have ADHD, but I recommend you keep a close eye on her and investigate further if you think there's even a possibility. It impacts them in so many more ways than you might think. Good luck.

She sounds like my dd who has been diagnosed AuDHD - autistic and ADHD! Remember schools often miss ADHD and autism in girls as they often just get on with things and their symptoms are often different from boys.

My dd is a daydreamer, can't follow long instructions or listen to things she isn't interested in! Slow processing speed. Minor sensory issues with tight clothing on body but nothing on neck, loud noises. Had big emotional outburst when younger but this isn't the case now.

Getting the diagnosis isn't going to help with her schooling much but just helps her to understand her brain works differently and that's ok! Hoping it will stop the teen anxiety with can happen with undiagnosed people.