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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

aibu to suspect my DH is neurodivergent?

8 replies

Branvan · 06/10/2024 21:16

My DH has some issues which have been hard to deal with in our relationship.

He is extremely needy. Needs constant reassurance that I find him attractive/ love him.

He is very anxious, has low self esteem and very low confidence. He says he isn't depressed but that he constant needs something to look forward to (I.e Christmas or a holiday)

He has a borderline obsession with sex. Seems to keep count of how long it's between in his head and gets stressy if it's been too long. Had problems with being huffy towards me in the past when he didn't get it often enough.

In arguments he freezes, it's like he knows what he should be saying but can't think quick enough and get the words out.

He hates change or abrupt decisions, everything has to be prepared for, nothing is ever done on a whim.

I have wondered if he could possibly be ND. aibu?

OP posts:
NuffSaidSam · 06/10/2024 21:17

He could be. Does he have any interest in pursuing an assessment?

Branvan · 06/10/2024 21:53

Yes. He's not sure where to start though.

OP posts:
RoundAgain · 06/10/2024 21:57

The freezing in arguments thing sounds ND but the sex preoccupation thing doesn't chime with ND for me. I know loads of ND people and they are all much more interested in memorising really boring details of engineering or electronics or trains or whathaveyou. It could be that he is ND and separately also weird about sex.

It's not that unusual for ND folks to have MH issues. (speaking as one myself)

RoundAgain · 06/10/2024 21:59

For an assessment you just google "adult autism diagnosis" and find your local professional.

You could try here:
https://www.beginningwitha.com/about-beginningwitha.php?a=trn

The NHS has a long waiting list, up to 2 years. Private is quick and cost about £850 last time I looked.

RoundAgain · 06/10/2024 22:00

Probably won't fix the sex thing, but would be a good start as the assessor might be able to tell you which other professional to go to for help with the sex problem.

LouLou198 · 06/10/2024 22:02

Sounds just like my ex husband. He wasn't diagnosed but I had my suspicions.

POTC · 06/10/2024 22:08

He could be, but most of those could be related to trauma response too though. It sounds like he equates sex with love and so in his mind not having sex more often means you don't love him anymore. The neediness, constant reassurance and low self esteem/confidence would all fit with that too.

Branvan · 07/10/2024 06:57

POTC · 06/10/2024 22:08

He could be, but most of those could be related to trauma response too though. It sounds like he equates sex with love and so in his mind not having sex more often means you don't love him anymore. The neediness, constant reassurance and low self esteem/confidence would all fit with that too.

The sex equals love is definitely a big issue.

OP posts:
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