To have a word with other bridesmaid?

[ChangingMyNameForTheWeek]

I am a bridesmaid for a lovely friend. Another has form for always making weddings about her in some way and stressing the bride out about her appearance before the wedding. This week we decided on dresses and the bride was excited - friend ( other bridesmaid ) has messaged the bride letting her know ( guilt tripping her ) that she will need to diet to feel good in the dress and would have picked something else. The bride loved these dresses, so did all of us and they are a really good option no matter what figure you're sporting. I know the bride would have been gracious about it but I can see this going how it did with our last friends wedding - friend didn't lose any weight despite having ten months to do so ( nobody said she needed to but she bought it up every day including directly to the bride the day before her wedding when clearly nothing was going to change ) and she will inevitably keep going on until the bride gets fed up and tells her straight. When this happened before she told everyone how unreasonable the bride was and as she was so upset about her weight everyone sympathised with her. What I don't want is for this time, our friend ( the bride ) to have the joy of her day taken away from her because our friend can't just shut up for once. Do I need to say to her to rein it in as one of the other bridesmaids or shall I leave it? Fwiw the bride is really lovely and it'll upset her with this friend keep going on. She's usually okay, if not a little immature but weddings seem to make her go crazy. As far as I'm concerned if you're a bridesmaid you should wear a sack if asked to do so and be happy about it or just withdraw.

Yabu - don't say anything, the bride chose her to be a bridesmaid and will have to deal with it if she gets too much.
Yanbu - say something, the bride shouldn't have to as it's her wedding and bridesmaid friend is not being very nice

Can you clarify please.
Who is the bridesmaid expecting to diet, the bridesmaid herself or the actual bride?
I got lost with all the hers.

I wouldnt wear whatever the bride told me I was. If I hated it I couldn't just wear it. I'd withdraw as a bridesmaid if the bride wasn't OK with this.

I don't understand - has the bridesmaid tried on the dress ? Does it come in other sizes ? How fat is she ?

Sorry I have made it a bit confusing reading back. The bridesmaid is saying she will diet to the bride if she's going to wear the dress. That in itself would be fine as a throwaway comment but last time she said this it became a bit of a condition that she would update the bride on - so she said she wanted a dress too small, bride bought it, she then kept telling her she wasn't fitting into it and left it too late to do anything but was telling the bride the day before how she didn't want to wear it etc. It's just very stressful when this happens and the wedding before was really overshadowed as she would go on and on in the chat about how much she hated the dress and had been dieting etc but nothing was working.

Sorry should've clarified, yeah she has. She's not fat imo size 16 very average and other bridesmaids are bigger, she wants a size down though which the bride found really difficult to discuss with her because of the previous wedding. It's not that she couldn't get a size 16 closer to the day if she needed to, the dress actually fitting isn't an issue, it's how she behaves about whatever has been picked for her and the downer she puts on it all.

I'd have to say something, especially if she has form for this. Don't let her make it all about her (again) by the sounds of it.

Agree with @UghFletcher .

I think I need to. Do you think I should tell her if she needs to rant to do it with us but just not the bride? I feel like it's a compromise she might be able to keep to but then I feel bad cos it's like we will all be hearing her moan behind the brides back about her choices. I can just see hat at this rate we are all going to have tears again on the wedding day which is no fun for anyone.

Presumably the bride is aware how she behaved for the last wedding and is ok with this

I think so but we are all school friends so it was inevitable she was going to be a bridesmaid and the bride is too soft to even think she has a choice.

It doesn't have to be in a nasty way but just point the facts out - this is what happened last time and this was how it affected people. We have noticed you said 'xyz' and it's repeating that previous behaviour which is unacceptable'

Lays it out straight for her.

`I think I'd tell her that she gets the dress in the size she is now, and if she loses weight it can be taken in it's much easier to make a dress smaller than to make it bigger.
It sounds as if she is either very insecure or very attention seeking, but frankly no one really cares what the bridesmaids are wearing, as you say if the dress is hideous you suck it up because its not all about you.

Agree. Much easier to take a dress in than expand it.

give her a choice of 16 or 18, take it in if needed

I can see why you’d want to say something to her, but realistically, will it do any good? Why is she going to listen to you now when she hasn’t listened to others before?

This, just by the one that fits now and say it can be taken in a week before the wedding.

Honestly I’ve spent a lifetime doing things like this and I’ve realised recently that I need to stop getting involved in other people’s problems (even when on the edge like this) as it often backfires on me. Now I only get involved if asked directly and people work it out without me.

I have messaged the bride and asked her if she wants me to have a word. I was unsure but feel like it's her wedding and actually I might be overstepping as the bridesmaid friend is the sort to go straight to her and assume she knows about it if I talk to her anyway. The bride actually wants me to as it seems friend has sent her another message tonight which is a link to a dress she would prefer🙄 I'll have a think of what to say and keep you all posted.

I’d probably put something random on the joint WhatsApp group for everyone ‘please can we ban boring conversations about weight loss, they can suck the excitement out of wedding prep’ Then do a snooze 😴 icon every time she rattles on about weight.

Also post something complimentary directly on the WhatsApp group about the brides great taste in dresses. You and the girls think they are perfect and will all look stunning.

I'd just say you have to order up sizes in dresses for weddings anyway as they tend to come up small which is often true. So stick with her current size and as mentioned say you can always take it in if it comes up bigger. Then you can always say you find lots of conversations about food and dieting stressful which is true. You don't have to mention its only stressful when she does it 🤣 then say oh thingy I know you feeling the same you for so stressed last time as the dresses come up small that I'm sure you don't want this again. You need the bride to be on board to stick with ordering the size that actually fits

Ok in that case yes bridesmaid needs one size bigger with the excuse that it can be altered nearer the date

GREAT!

I love this hahah!!!! I might just do it. I'm at he end of my tether with it all so a snooze emoji will do the trick.

With the backstory she does sound difficult, you should never get a dress to slim into for an event like that, if anything you get it taken in later down the line.

That said, I once had a nightmare as a bridesmaid when I was the largest one. Other bridesmaids suggesting dresses that only went up to 12-14, it was really awkward. Having to try on dresses that couldn't be worn with a bra and my boobs threatening to pop out, others insisting I looked fine because they liked how it looked on them. The dress she got in the end was passable but I hate her wedding pictures!