DH’s Play dates

[PieOMie]

DH has a small group of friends who have been friends for years - they all see each other weekly which is fine but my issue is the way they do it, it’s literally like children’s play dates. They take it in turns to “host” the weekly meetings and it’s starting to really piss me off, it’s so childish and the worst bit is the way DH acts when they’re here, he goes from being a mature good natured mad into a cocky 7 year old.

Example, yesterday DH was hosting so they’re all tucked away in his games room playing snooker and darts. My art supplies are also stored in there so I popped in to get them. When I went in they were all laughing then there was an awkward silence so I said “don’t mind me, I’m just grabbing something” so DH said “oh we couldn’t possibly carry on that conversation with you in the room!” And they all started sniggering. They’re in their 50s ffs. So I said “don’t worry, I’m sure my delicate little ears could handle it 🙄” More sniggering. DH then says “you couldn’t possibly hear this stuff! You’ve never heard anything like it! Honestly we’ll spare you the embarrassment” more sniggering. So I just said “right” with an eye roll and walked out.

I confronted him once they’d gone about showing off like a child in front of his little friends and he completely denied it and said he was happy to tell me what they were talking about if I really wanted to know - I said I don’t give a shit what they were talking about, it’s the sniggering and condescending attitude!!

anyway, straw that broke the camels back - DH is now considering turning the loft into a cinema room so he can host movie night on Wednesdays. “Tony” has one apparently and it’s “not fair” that Tony hosts all the movie nights. It’s fucking ridiculous, it’s bad enough having them here all Saturday without Wednesday nights too. I can just imagine them all turning up with their little bags of sweets etc and it’s making me furious just the thought of it.

be honest AIBU. I’m not one to try and control but this is seriously doing my head in now. Why can’t they go out to pub/golf/walking etc like normal adults??

Ugh. Really unappealing when they think they are young lads out on the town when they more like Alan partridge.

If you can’t beat them, join them. Host your own friends for similar crèches play dates. And annoy DP whilst you do.

Thats exactly it!! They’re all in their 50s, two of them are farmers ffs yet when they get together they think they’re Danny Dyer

What's the issue with them catching up and having fun? I dont see anything wrong with them saying we couldn't carry this conversation on with you here. Like a joke.

Cinema room would be amazing. I'd love that.

How likely is the cinema to actually happen and can you afford it? I think I might prefer the cinema in the loft to them in your craft space.

What wrong with them having a bit of fun? Surely you have some conversations with your friends that you wouldn’t want your DH to be involved in?

I really wouldn't be bothered tbh. As long as DH cleans up after his friends and they leave you alone I don't see what the problem is?

I can see why it would be annoying, but they're getting together and having like minded fun (even if that's not to your taste). Cinema room would be ace, but depends on what the sacrifice is cost wise for other things you've both got planned.

Im sure they couldve moved the conversation on in a more mature and less ostracising way while you were in there. I wouldnt be against them having these meet ups though - far better theyre in each others houses acting a bit silly than out getting stupid drunk or cheating. Definitely make sure you get a weekly meet up with your friends as well

@PieOMie, do your husband’s “play dates” look anything like this?

I'd be happy enough he's got a good group of friends, they don't sound like they muck the place up or anything so wouldnt be annoyed

This.
I wish my DH would have/maintain good enough relationships with other men that he could do this.

I think what’s annoying you is the side of DH that’s revealed by this - basically he’s a bit of a twat when in his gang and it’s not attractive.

Probably lots of men are similar but their wives don’t see it because the meet ups happen in the pub not at home.

Can you go out when he hosts?

Here's the secret us men don't want women to know. Really most men are still 10. Sorry but it's true, we do stupid things like a 10 year old would to impress mates, tell daft jokes, pick on each other, laugh at farts. Why do you think so many middle aged men ride bicycles?

Yes it's a bit pathetic, but it's better than the alternative man secret age...17...emotionally immature, trying to have sex with as many women as possible, trying to be the "bad boy" because that's what women want right, driving stupidity over powered expensive cars/motor bikes because we are secretly worried our penis is too small.

Just look at most of the treads on here...they are about 17 year old men. You can laugh at the 10 year olds and send them to their rooms

You just happened to need your art supplies suddenly in the middle of him hanging out with his friends? Sounds like FOMO. Do you have friends of your own?

If they all take turns you must only have them round once a month ish?

Yes I’m an artist and work from home, I’m in and out of that room all the time as all my stuff is in there.

yes I have friends, we meet up for coffee / cinema / park run etc

So he spends every Saturday with his friends? I wouldn't be happy with that tbh. Once a month would be more reasonable.
Do you have children?
Do you get to spend time with your own friends?

Jesus that’s unappealing. Did none of them have friends growing up? Are they the nerdy no mates recreating their teen years?

The problem isn't really their topics of conversation, which can be as crass as they like when there aren't other people around, but the fact that they have absolutely no manners.

I don’t see the issue. In a world where so many men struggle with mental health, why not just let them have their fun and stay out of their way? I think it’s great that they meet up once a week and take it in turns to hosts. I’m sure women talk about stuff with their friends too and giggle? They are doing no real harm.

Sounds like a fun night in!

Nothing you've said would bother me at all, apart from the cinema room addition.

I agree with most of the comments.

I'm pretty sure there are conversations that I'd have with my friends, that would stop if one of our dh's walked through the room.

I really wouldn't be bothered tbh. As long as DH cleans up after his friends and they leave you alone I don't see what the problem is?

Agree. I'd have no issue with it at all.
I don't get the attitude of "it isn't the way I'd want to relax with my friends, therefore it must be wrong"