To ask if you have any friends?

YabbaDabbaDooooo · 06/10/2024 14:51

Yes I have a few very good friends, although only one would be considered a 'mum friend'.

What about work colleagues, do you get on well with them?

ButterAsADip · 06/10/2024 14:57

I moved away from where I grew up when I was 19 (not for uni) and had children not long after. I lost touch with my school friends and never made new friends with other mums as I'm really shy. DC are 5&7 now and I have them and a wonderful DH, but I don't have any friends or even anyone that I could go for a coffee with and a chat.

Exactly, exactly the same here until a few years ago except I did make 3 good friends from baby groups. I knew them separately so they only know each other now because I introduced them. I live in an area where lots of locals stick around here so lots of people knew each other and I knew nobody, no family near by!

How long have you been in your new area now? We’ve been here 10 years and it’s only the last 2 years I really feel like this is home and I know people and I bump into people I know out and about. Once my kids were 5 & 7 (2 years ago), I also had a baby, but really put myself out there, joined a hobby group that is full of amazing, interesting, creative people and now have a bunch of really solid, good quality friends. Plus that group has led to a new career for me.

You’ve just got to keep trying. They’re not going to come to you. You have to be tenacious and keep putting yourself out there, just keep going places and being brave to say hi to people (playground? Waiting at kids’ swimming lessons etc?) and eventually you’ll get there. Or, in that phase of life, I at least found that small talk throughout the week kept me ticking over socially, even if it didn’t lead to friendships.

BiscottiToffee · 06/10/2024 15:00

I'm the same as you OP. Without my DH I'd be lost.

I do have a couple friends, but not local.

something2say · 06/10/2024 15:07

I have three friends - one male, from when we were 19 (I just turned 50), one woman I met while travelling when I was 28 and one older woman who became my surrogate mother when I was 23. They have lasted the test of time.

I moved from London to Somerset and met loads of people in the local music pub, which I started going to because I play the guitar and sing. I met loads of other musicians there and I used to think some of them were friends, but time has shown they are acquaintances rather than friends.

I have therefore also found it hard to make new proper friends and I hardly see my three longer friends. Two maybe once a year and the older woman every couple of months. I socialise with the people at the pub more.

I think it's just hard to make real friends. People are so different and many don't fit into my full life.

Why not pick up a hobby though? There will be people to socialise with through that. I used to go to an open mic in Surrey and the amount of people I met through that was huge, and they often had parties or events came along for us all to go to. One or two came to my house but mostly we just met at events and I had a very full social calendar.

Friends are hard to make and 'friend' is a big word, I have found. You can't rush it, you can't force it or make it out of nothing. A university lecturer once said to a bunch of us that you are lucky if you have three proper friends in your life. I always remembered that xxx You are not abnormal OP xxx

SantasRubiksCube · 06/10/2024 15:10

Same here, I have a few people I chat to in the playground at school run time and a neighbour who im friendly with but no actual group of friends/no best friends etc. It makes me feel abit sad and pathetic at times that I don't have anyone to chat to/have a laugh with/go out with other then my sister's or husband but from what I've seen on quite a few threads on here it's more common then you'd think.

scandiva · 06/10/2024 15:14

Yes I have friends. I have 2 friends from school, one from university, 3 from workplaces, 2 mum friends.

I see them all fairly regularly.

But I am a very easy friend - there for fun and emotional support, I don't ask for much.

I'm much more emotionally and practically reliant on my family and that is how I like it.

StressedQueen · 06/10/2024 15:14

I do and I think they are a big part of my life. I am only friends with one person from my secondary school days but a few people from uni days. I got married at 21 and had twins at 22 and I think a lot of people distanced themselves from me after that as I struggled. But I still had people who stuck by and although I'm not hugely close to any of them anymore, I still chat.

I'm probably closest to people who I met at hobbies. And I am close to the parents of a few of my children's friends. We obviously bond over our kids but have found so many other common factors too! Still very close to this mother I met when I went to a baby group for my son. Her son was born only a week after mine and although our sons aren't the closest, we still are !!

something2say · 06/10/2024 15:17

SantasRubiksCube · 06/10/2024 15:10

Same here, I have a few people I chat to in the playground at school run time and a neighbour who im friendly with but no actual group of friends/no best friends etc. It makes me feel abit sad and pathetic at times that I don't have anyone to chat to/have a laugh with/go out with other then my sister's or husband but from what I've seen on quite a few threads on here it's more common then you'd think.

Having sister friends must be nice though.

Ibloodylovetea · 06/10/2024 15:23

What about work colleagues, do you get on well with them?

It's often difficult to make new friends, but how about work colleagues? Also as OPs say - what about hobbies? Maybe you could try doing some voluntary work where you will meet people with similar interests?

Really good that your DH is such a good friend, but you need other friends. My DH is my best friend, but I still meet colleagues & retired colleagues for drinks, lunch etc. We need our friends & not fair to rely on DH to be the only one.

Having said that, my DH is 10 years older than me (70 next Friday & not in the best of health) & highly likely that he will die before me, so he actively encourages me to go out with my friends as they will be there to support me when/if he goes. For example I've just come back from a couple of days in Berlin with a friend.

Good luck OP.

splatmouse · 06/10/2024 15:24

No. And I certainly don't have a 'wonderful' DH either 😁

I've had short-lived friendships here and there at times. I must be weird though because I don't mind not having friends. I don't miss anything when I don't have friends. Don't miss the company, don't feel like I'm missing out on anything. I get along fine on an acquaintance level with various groups of people. That seems to satisfy any social needs I may have.

tuvamoodyson · 06/10/2024 15:28

Yes, I have friends…but we are a very easygoing bunch, we are very different from the ‘ride or die’ friendships I read about on here!

Wednesdayonline · 06/10/2024 15:33

I have one best friend from an old workplace and we message every day but don't live close so see eachother rarely. I have another friend I speak to every day but see rarely, and some uni friends I probably see once a year. Otherwise I have friends and acquaintances from groups I'm a part of. I think it's normal to not have a lot of close friends as a grown up, but I do think doing different activities like book club etc is a really nice way to interact with people occasionally, keeps me social away from DH as well.

ViciousCurrentBun · 06/10/2024 15:44

I have relocated twice, the first completely alone and the second with DH who I was then engaged to. I have friends in all the three places I have lived. Had a working environment where I taught some of the time for close to 30 years and have done a lot of public speaking. I’m not shy in the least, I have a DH who I love dearly but it’s a lot to expect to have everything you need wrapped up in one person. Plus people die and even the most beautiful love story usually has one left behind.

The long term Mum friends I made I had other stuff in common with. I have made an effort all my life to know as many people as possible because out of hundreds there are only a few really worth knowing. I have 5 friends I am very close to, 4 are local and 1 lives at a great distance. The sort you can ring at 3 am in the morning. Then I have friends who are the sort I meet for lunch and share some stuff with but not everything. The friend I loved the absolute most died during lockdown, she was only 54 and I had known her since I was 12, thats was a very bleak time indeed.

You need to meet a lot of people if you want to change your situation so try and work on your shyness. Good luck, try some hobby groups then there is something to talk about that isn’t too personal while you suss people out.

Namechangetotalkaboutmysleepingpillsproblem · 06/10/2024 15:45

No, I lost touch with my friends years ago, and never made more. I was shy at the school gates too... and I was always kind of a loner, only every having a couple close friends as a child and onwards. I keep thinking I will get myself together, and I'll socialise again at some point. It's been a hard few years for me, and I was in a bad relationship for a long time, that I'm only recently at a place I feel recovered from that. I'm getting older though, just hope I can sort out my life really