To believe that the only person you can count on is yourself?

[WavesofIrritation]

I’ve always been told that we should rely on others, whether it’s friends, family, or even colleagues. But in my experience, people often let you down when you need them the most. Lately, I’ve started to think that the only person you can truly count on is yourself.

AIBU to feel this way, or do others agree? Have you found it better to depend mainly on yourself, or do you think having others to lean on is essential?

Experience has taught me that ultimately I can only ever rely on myself. After going through a rough patch of betrayal I read Marcus aurelius 'meditations'. Needless to say I had an existential crisis.

I rely on me, only me. I love my friends and family but I tell them very little, my issues are mine to sort. I've always lived my life on a need to know basis. I know that makes me sound odd but I can never let myself down.

HARD AGREE 💪

In my experience, yes. But don't know if I have just been unlucky with people.

Pretty sure my mum would actually kill for me. DH has been a constant reliable support in my life too. I don't really rely on anyone else outside of them. I feel well supported.

I think generally it's true.

But my DCs can absolutely rely on me.

My mum would kill for me now,, however she's had moments because of a severe mental illness when she tried to kill me. Obviously she was psychotic but that experience shook me and made me realise I can't even rely on my own mind.

Generally speaking yes, we can usually only rely on ourselves unless you are fortunate to have good people around you who care. I’ve always tried to a good friend but it being reciprocated has been patchy.

My DM died two months ago and I have felt floored by how every friend (bar one) has simply not bothered even once to see how I am beyond sending an initial condolence text. Not even one sympathy card either from anyone.

YANBU. It's always good to be able to be self-sufficient and know that you have the resources to manage on your own, if there is no one to help. Of course, it's lovely if there is someone to help, but many times there isn't, even if you have family, partner, kids, friends, etc. So always make sure you have insurance and breakdown cover and if you're travelling, plan for the worst case scenario, just in case.

Ultimately you are right, OP. Love and value other people for their company when it’s there, but don’t expect anything from them, and don’t ever be dependent on someone else. I do think that this is a cultural thing in the UK, though, and not necessarily the case everywhere. As a society we’re very insular and focused only on our own small households.

I don't think you can 'rely' on other people. I'm fortunate and do have people in my life who have supported me emotionally and helped me out with various things, but ultimately you can't rely on them to always be there.

You can only rely on yourself - and some things only you can sort out anyway. There is only you who can quit smoking, lose weight, get yourself the job you've always wanted etc.

I've been surprised throughout life by people I thought were friends - who were not there when I could have done with some help/support. I've also been (occasionally) surpised by support from unexpected sources. But ultimately I've never relied or depended on anyone except my self.

Currently here battling illness and literally no one to help. Family live 5+ hours away, turns out the friends I have aren't real friends. DH works away. Kids too small.

So yes I agree with you.

I'll temper that slightly to be the only people I can rely on are myself and my eldest sister.

No-one else has been reliable, even my brother let me down which shocked and depressed me.

But it means the potential for disappointment is much less. Expect little and you won't be taken by surprise.

Bottom line is, you should always rely on yourself. And if you have help and support, be it emotional or financial, that's a bonus.

My lovely grandmother once said " Those who rely on others are often disappointed ".
Over the years, I've found out that she was right.
I try to help other people as much as possible. I'm rarely thanked.

This is a saying for a reason! 'love many, trust few, always paddle your own canoe'

Depends what you're relying on them for.

Kittens and beer. You have a kitten and two pints of beer. Some people, you would trust with the kitten, they would look after it for you. Some people, you'd have a beer with but not trust to look after the kitten. Some people, and these people should be your friends, could be trusted to look after the kitten and also you'd have a beer with.

Some friends are trustworthy but not fun. Or vice versa. Pick the ones who are both. My mum, kitten but often not beer. My best friend, both. DH, both.

Those 3am, bury a body friends or family members are rare. Very rare. You just have to know who is good for what. And endeavour to be a kitten and beer person yourself.

Totally agree

Case in point with my friend who is currently on her third divorce

She seems I capable of being responsible for herself. She just doesn't seem capable of being accountable

100% yes.

Tbh I don't find I need to rely on people very much, except dh (who is very reliable). Family live a long way away and my parents are quite elderly. My colleagues are generally helpful and supportive. I don't have close friends locally really. However, in general, I have very rarely felt let down by people.

In my experience people can surprise you. I have been very surprised and not in a good way by most of my nearest and dearest. Very shocked indeed. What is the matter in hand if you don’t mind me asking?

Adults are responsible for and to themselves but yes I rely on other people and they rely on me sometimes it is mutual

I only rely on myself, and I'm not very reliable.