I miss my family who have ghosted me

[ArizonaRobbinss]

My sibling who for years and years we were extremely close. I doted on my nephew and niece and I had them regularly.

In the last year I've been seriously unwell and admitted three times. This is the only time sibling has made contact with and visited me. In the last two years sibling has completely withdrawn from us and my three children who love him and do not know why sibling and their partner has withdrawn. They never answer my phone calls or texts which I have stoped sending. Not seen my niece and nephew now for six months and as their birthdays approach I realise I have no idea what to get them as I don't know their interests anymore.
I miss them all so very much, myself and hubby feel lonely. It's like a mourning process. They live five minutes away. I probably need to accept it now don't I and move on? But by god does it hurt. Got me today and I've been very upset, I've got amazing friends but sibling is the only family I have.

Not sure what I want to achieve by this thread at all so sorry

I'm obstinate and would probably call round in person if they only live 5 minutes away to see if I could get them to talk to me. Are you able to ask your parents what is going on?

Did this happen suddenly? It does sound very painful and especially so if you have literally no idea what has gone wrong.

Do they dislike your husband?

Is your husband the issue?

Go and knock round or put a card through the door.

A sudden unexplained withdrawal like this would make me think the SIL or Brother probably have a child safeguarding or other boundaries-crossing issue with the husband.

No no issue with my husband. Never has been. Been married 15 years

Not close to parents it's a difficult relationship neither of us has been for years just been us two.

I'm nervous about going round on off chance

Yes @MatildaTheCat very sudden and no cause I can see.

Had a day out as we did most weekends then nothing. After 2 weeks I asked if they were okay and it was radio silence aside from hospital admissions when sibling messeged and visited. Interestingly no communication from their partner.

As soon I was better nothing else.

Something happened on that day out as they have dropped you like a hot potato.

If you don't know the reason then I'm sure your husband does as it can only be you or him that has caused such offence.

I’m going to go out on a limb here; was the serious illness mental health/suicide attempt?
If it was, I wonder if the sibling was so hurt and upset by your actions (not judging, just saying a possible reaction to cause no contact) that the sibling felt they had to protect themselves/their children and cut contact.
Could the lack of contact be related to the illness somehow? Sorry for your situation.

My guess is something happened with your DB's partner. Either you or your DH said something or did something to offend the partner, because if it was your brother that had the issue, he would likely have discussed it with you and/or he wouldn't have visited you in hospital. He's probably trying to balance supporting his partner (going LC with you and your H) and supporting his sister (visiting when you were ill).

If you can't remember anything at all, I'd write your brother an email or a letter and explain that you feel like something must have happened that day but you truly, honestly have no idea what it is - that you miss them both, you are sorry that something you did upset them, and you wish you knew what it was so you could put it right. Then I'd see what happens. They may think that you know what happened and are refusing to discuss it.

Don't have an answer but some people are fairweather friends or family and back away when people are ill, which is terrible. I have a cousin who I would consider a good person but "couldn't handle" seeing her mom I'll and didn't contribute much, although I believe she lived her.

No it wasn't mh attempt it was a few serious physical health conditions

You must have some idea?

Don't go round on off chance - no one likes that.

I'm going to generalise here but men who are marryied with family can be particularly rubbish at social stuff like this. I know many many who have fairweather brothers. It's not personal in many of these situations.

I'm not someone to deliberately cut someone off being a pretty forgiving person. However, I no longer want contact with a sibling and that therefore includes my niece and nephews sadly. There was a reason. A lifelong reason and I'd had enough. I'm the one with health issue and the type of person they are and their behaviour towards me in general caused me to one day suddenly say ' no more as of today'

If your parents are difficult, it's likely they are shit stirring. Be so careful what you say to them.

Maybe in time they'd tell you what the reason was. They might just find you being unwell the problem. It's shit and unfair I know from that perspective.

Is there a way you could say how much their lack of contact is hurting you but you don’t feel your niece and nephew should suffer and have the decision made for them not to see you?
Perhaps you could write a letter and ask to see the DNs without seeing your brother. Might make him think about his actions and how many people they affect.

I'd give your husband the third degree.

You know you haven't said or done anything that could have cause offence so your husband must now say whether he does know as it's causing you immense distress not to know why you have been cut off by your family.

If he doesn't come clean now and you later find out that it was something he did or said then the relationship is in serious trouble.

If he assures you that he did no wrong then for some reason the wife of your brother has taken exception to something.

Op I had similar. We finally met up and life had swamped them. Both were wrecked juggling work and kids and her dad’s health and he had a health scare along the way too and they just didn’t think anything of not answering calls etc (they intended on responding but didn’t). This could be anything, don’t assume it’s you, they could have stuff.

Genuinely have absolutely no idea

It is very upsetting

I appreciate all advice
Thanks