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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To stop waking him up?

32 replies

Spacebabe · 06/10/2024 12:08

DH regularly asks me to wake him at a certain time e.g 9am/9:30 latest (earlier in the week) but doesn’t get up when I wake him and just goes back to sleep. If I then go back and wake him again saying ‘it’s 10am, you said you wanted to get up 9:30 latest’ he gets annoyed and says I am pressurising him. Full disclosure we do have a general issue where I would rather get up earlier and get started when we do things together and he prefers to sleep in which causes arguments - but on a day when we don’t have plans until later (or he is just getting up for work) if he asks me to wake him shouldn’t he get up when I do or at least not complain? I am considering just telling him I won’t do it any more, not in a sulky way but as a boundary. We don’t have kids though and hope to at some stage, at which point I might regret saying I’m never going to wake him up if I have to live with the consequences. There are MH related reasons why he sleeps late so although imo not a healthy coping mechanism I don’t want to be too harsh. Thank you

OP posts:
Ablondiebutagoody · 06/10/2024 14:46

Leave his sleep up to him. It's not for you to decide how much he gets or to wake him up

Dotto · 06/10/2024 14:51

This all sounds incredibly unattractive. You are not his carer, MH or not he's a grown-assed man who needs to take responsibility for himself. How do you not have the ick? Do not breed with him.

user2848502016 · 06/10/2024 14:52

Yeah he can set an alarm like other adults do, even my teenage daughter sets her own alarm!

DelphiniumBlue · 06/10/2024 14:55

There’ll be a reason he’s sleeping through alarms, he’s not ready to wake up. If he was serious about waking up at a specific time, he’d go to sleep early enough to make waking at the specified time a realistic possibility.
If he was a teenager I’d be encouraging him to work out how much sleep he needs and then to make sure he gets it. DS2, (28) sets an alarm to remind himself to get ready for bed so that he can wake in time to work at the right time.
Presumably your DP is not a teenager and do should be able to sort himself out. I think you should refuse to wake him as it sounds like it leads to arguments. You can tell him that and tell him he needs to do his own adulting.
If it then transpires that he doesn’t get up for work in time, that’s on him.

unmemorableusername · 06/10/2024 15:27

Do not have a baby with this man.

🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

mammaCh · 06/10/2024 15:34

I had a similar thing... Amazingly he would always get up for work on time, but slept through alarms otherwise. I refuse to wake him now. He can set 10 alarms.
If he misses out on fun with us that's his problem.

ATastingMenuButItsAllCrisps · 06/10/2024 15:38

Do you really think having a kid with this man would be fun and improve your life?
Baffling.

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