Screen time

[squtternuttbosh]

More of an are we being unreasonable but how much screen time do your kids have?

Partners son is 8 and has an iPad at his mums. He is on it constantly. Before school, on the way to and from school, straight after school and up until bed time. We have suspicions he may have it in his room once it's lights out and continues playing on it as he always looks so tired whenever he comes to us.

At ours (if his mum drops it off) he will have it for half an hour or so before dinner if homework etc is done and played in the garden if the weather has been nice etc. Are we being unreasonable that the boundaries are so far apart for a little boy to understand? Mum doesn't ever do his homework or read with him so when he's at ours it all gets done then so I'm sure he hates coming to our "oh-so-strict" house.

It doesn’t really matter what others do. You can only control what happens in your own home. YABU to think that by 8 a dc can’t understand that different places have different rules.

You are doing the right thing by limiting his screen time. And you should continue to do what is best for the wee boy.

Unfortunately you don't have any control over how his Mum parents him. But as the amount of screen use he has when with her is excessive perhaps your partner could have a discussion with her about it?

8 year olds are perfectly able to understand that different houses have different rules.

We only allow laptops/tablets on a weekday if they are for homework (Spelling shed or Times tables superstars)

My 8 year old frequently tells me that this is unreasonable because he compares screen time rules with friends at school.

I don't think I'm being unreasonable

(We have tried a limited amount of time on week days but it doesn't work for us. It's easier to have a blanket "No" until the weekend)

I totally get your worries about being the strict house but providing you are all doing stuff together instead of the screens, he is going to love being at your house rather than stuck on his own with an ipad.

That is an awful lot of time on the ipad, yes. I don't allow any screen time before school (apart from my older kids maybe checking their phone for messages). He definitely does need less time because does he not have any other activities he has to get to other than screen time? Does his mum not want to do anything with him? That is quite worrying. I think he can probably understand the boundaries but if he is truly spending that much time, it is concerning.

My 9 year old daughter is allowed maybe an hour on her ipad or watching her tv show after she has had dinner and has done her homework. Most of the time, she doesn't want to as she is tired after extra curricular activites and just wants to sleep or do some other more relaxing activity.

You can't control what happens at his mums house. That's just part of being with a man who has a child with someone else. You will always find there are different parenting styles and routines etc and yes it is a lot for kids to deal with. But I don't know what you're asking here? Are you asking whether you should say something to the mum?

It's up to his mum what she does with her own son in her own home.

Eight year olds definitely understand what happens in one place doesn't happen at another. They behave differently at home and school for example.

I wouldn't let an eight year old be on an ipad for an hour and a half a day so it just shows that different people parent in different ways.

Thanks all. @Shiningout I'm not sure what I'm asking really, more of how much is "normal" screen time. I know that differs massively but you get such a broad perspective from MN normally I thought it'd be worth asking. FTsMum here so no idea what I'm doing!

Or, are we being unreasonable not allowing more than 30 mins-1 hour of screen time when it's all he gets at his mums? I understand he won't understand why it's so different.

Out of school we do music lessons and swimming lessons and, it seems, all his homework and any reading. Mum is trying to get him into a sport, but apparently they don't confirm it with her. Maybe that's true but it's hard to do much more within the time with have with him.