To tell my neighbour he could have done more

[Rubyandscarlett]

Was telling me his wife had a go at him the other day for not making an effort for her big birthday recently. Kept saying to dh & me that he paid for everything but it still wasn't enough for her. They have got 3 very young children (6 month twins and a 2 year old). I said did you plan the party - food - guest list etc or did she have to do all that and you just waved your bank card in which case, it would have just been another job for her? Was trying to explain the mental load to him.
He didn't get it all.
Was l wrong?!

Nope. How is he meant to realise if he isn't told.

But what did he say?

Kept saying but l paid for everything! Aarrgghh.

No unreasonable at all. A two year old and six month old twins 😱. Party planning with all that going on in the background, yikes. Husband sounds like an arse.

I wouldn't bother trying to explain to a neighbour, he won't change as a result of anything you say.

Maybe he couldn't organise a pissup in a brewery
Women's work? Contacting people. Yeah

It seems to have landed on deaf ears for him. He should’ve booked places, organised it all. No point in turning up with the money when someone else has done the work

If this was a FB post there would be a dog pile of men in the comments mansplaining why you were wrong by now 🤣 He knew deep down he was in the wrong but was hoping you would side with him. Men understand the mental load, they just pretend not to so they can continue to weaponise their manufactured incompetence and do feck all for their partners.

I reckon you did him a favour, OP.

A lot of men think all they need to do is pay for things. It’s like something in their psyche hasn’t kept up with the two income/shared chores model of family life.

Yes you were wrong because you've just stressed yourself out with something that otherwise didn't affect you.
Just smile and nod when people clearly don't get it! Unless you enjoy the challenge.

I'm not stressed about it x

Crikey, she really has her hands full, bless her
Good on you for trying, OP.

Good on you for trying (and you don't sound stressed, more mildly vexed that he still didn't get it)
His poor wife.

If you really want to help, befriend her and give her a subtle view of the other side ;)

I wouldn't be putting myself in the middle of that, no.

Maybe point out that he and his wife paid for everything, jointly and equally. Because they're married.