To be really shitting it

[IamnotnutsIamacondiment]

We are buying a house, have now exchanged contracts and I am really panicking.

Been with DP for 15 years, have a child with him and he has an older child as well.

But fuck me, I am panicking about everything. Worried we might split up, worried we cant afford the mortgage (we can) panicking about the area, panicking about things wrong with the house.

We need this move, at the moment we are in a small 2 bed flat, with problem neighbours, but it is so much money and now we have exchanged it feels so very real and also like I have no option but to go ahead.

DP is so laid back, he is vertical and everytime I throw a problem at him, he goes and finds a solution and to be honest I think I just want to panic. Its a massive move.

Not sure what I want from this thread, maybe just to have somewhere else to panic

I get it. I struggle massively with change and my mind starts playing the ‘what if’ game. It’s the uncertainty that get me.

This sounds like a really positive move for you though.

Moving house is near the top of the list if most stressful things one can navigate, but as you say - you've exchanged now so that decision is done, worrying about it is natural but also needless.

Take thise thoughts to court can be a useful phrase, what evidence you actually have that any of the things you are worried about will actually happen?

Mild anxiety is just a natural reaction to help your body prepare for an event - but I this instance there is nothing you can do, and given you have got this far you can take comfort that whatever life throws at you you will find a way through. Trust the future you to do the right thing!

Plus it will probably be great - it usually feels pretty great once you have the keys in hand!

Good luck, you got this!

Soon you will be unpacking your things in your house and making a lovely home. All will be well.

( I've moved house quite a lot, and panic every time. It's totally normal to feel like this!)

Thanks to you both, I also think that as we have nearly a month between exchange and completion has made it a little bit worse.

It is a positive move for us all, we will have more space which is desperately needed, a bigger kitchen, so the 3 of us can fit in. A table we can eat dinner at instead of on the sofa.

I am trying to think of all the good things, but then all the thoughts come back, we are also first time buyers so the massive amount of responsibility is all on us.

It's scary taking on a mortgage.
I bought my first house as a single parent, I thought I'd have a heart attack with the stress.
What if I lost my job.
What if the boiler breaks down.
What if the interest rates go up.
What if we end up homeless.
I nearly drove myself crackers.
Once you're in and paying your mortgage, you won't really think about the financial commitment.
You can afford the repayments, you've managed to pay your rent, so put that one to bed.
If anything goes wrong on the house, you'll deal with it and probably become a dab hand at DIY!
Don't worry about breaking up with your dp, should it happen, you'll survive.
Give us an update when you're in your lovely new home, congratulations!

Yes very normal at that stage. It settles down but it is a huge commitment I’d i
be more worried about someone being chilled out about that!

DP has always been like this, sometimes its frustrating and I want to kill him, other times its just what is needed

And to be fair it has been a fairly quick and painless process. Any bumps we hit have been sorted, have a fab solicitor, estate agent is a lying sack of shit, but we found out fairly early on, so that was easy to deal with.

I was petrified when we bought our first house, absolutely petrified , had all those fears you have right now

Mine were fuelled as I had had a rough childhood, ended up homeless, and at that time I had a secure social housing tenancy. The thought of losing that security was really really scary. I had a safe job within the NHS, not the best paid, but safe and secure. DH was a builder, just getting established in London, the country was in and out of recessions , work for him was never secure and of course I had the worry on top that he may get sick or injured and not be able to work !!

Believe me, I had every fear going

But like yourself, I knew back in my mind that we had a mortgage we could afford (on one wage if need be) and we needed the extra bedrooms for his children and a garden for the dog and we wanted to move to a better area

I had the scenarios of only being able to afford beans on toast and going out would be a thing of the past.

As for things going wrong with the house, by time we left the only original part of the house was the front wall :)

You will be fine. House buying really really is stressful. Second ( and last house ) buy, I lost near on a stone in the 3 months it took from having the offer accepted to moving in

Mortgage is more expensive than the rent we pay at the moment, which I think is part of my worry, but at least if something goes wrong in a house that I own, I can sort it out rather than 50 billion phone calls to the landlord to see if they will sort it.

I have done the maths, that should we split one person should be able to take on the mortgage and bills, it would be tight but doable. A bit shitty to think about but I wanted to make sure if anything happens, we would be able to stay in the area for my child's school and I am not sure we would be able to afford a shed to rent in my area at the moment.

op, how old are you? Is there a chance you’re peri/menopausal? I only ask cos I’m mid 40s and the anxiety the last couple of years has been INSANE. I’ve booked a 4 day break over October half term, in the uk, and for some reason everytime I think about it I panic. It’s in a place I know, and I know for sure it’s not a con, so there’s really no reason to feel like this.

Moving house is bloody hard and bloody stressful but I feel like your feelings aren’t all about the house?

@suki1964 I am also leaving a secure tenancy, but we really cant stay here much longer because of the neighbour.

I am just really hoping we are not swapping one bad neighbour for another.

I would love a rule, that you can spend 24 hours in the place you are buying so you can see what its really like before you buy. Obviously completely unreasonable, but it would be nice.

It is probably that, on top of this, I suffered from General Anxiety disorder for close to 10 years and am still coming out the other side from that, The anxiety gets a lot worse when I am due my period. I know part of it is irrational and just my over active imagination but its a lot more scary now its so real

I say this as someone who never listens to advice 🙈 but can you see your GP to get some new / different medication?

You'll be ok once you’ve moved in. Bad neighbours aren’t as common as Mumsnet would have you believe. Wishing you lots of quiet times where someone else does the packing, and a good nights sleep 💐

@AzureSheep I think that by the time I managed to get an appointment with my GP, I will have moved but thank you,

I am doing alot of packing tomorrow, so I have that to look forward to