How can I get over my bitterness?

[cadburyegg]

Another ex husband one.

We were married. Had 2 very much planned children.

He pays very little towards the children these days because he's self employed and CMS says he doesn't have to. So he won't.

Last month he paid £110 towards after school club which is the first I've had off him in 2 months.

He's not rolling in cash by any means but this year he's been on holiday with his gf twice and bought a new car.

I've spent over £100 on the children today alone. A winter coat for ds1, a new bike helmet for him, new pyjamas for ds2, bike lights, some clothes for them both.
He won't even buy clothes for them for his place, all the clothes he has for them are mostly outgrown ones that I gave him as a "starter". Some clothes I've bought for them and they've gone to his house never to be seen again.

Ds1 needs a new bike, his current one he's had for nearly 4 years and it's outgrown, but I'll have to take out a credit card to afford it.

Got home today and exh has put on Facebook all details about his girlfriend and their day out.
I just feel so angry. When I confront him he says "oh I'll try, I feel guilty about not providing anything" yet no money appears.

I know I just need to get over it and accept it. I can't change it. I can't make him step up. But how!?? I don't want to be full of all this anger and resentment. It's not healthy.

He's a a w*nker. But you knew that which is why you're no longer together. Buying the DCs the odd item isn't good enough. They need a roof over their heads, gas, electricity, food etc etc which is why regular maintenance is necessary. Regretfully the DWP Child Maintenance Group (CMG) assessment process benefits self employed people because they rely on the non resident parent's own assessment of their income.

Hopefully he has the DC's to stay with him regularly & I suggest that you send them with just the clothes that they have on their backs. If he chooses to dress them in clothes that no longer fit - more shame to him & no criticism of you.

You have every right to be angry with him as he's being unreasonable & avoiding his responsibilities. However, he's your DC's father, that can't be changed and you need to find a way to get past your anger in order to make sure that they continue to have a good relationship with him.

In the meantime I also suggest that you look for some counselling for yourself to help you get the anger off your chest. You are a strong person and are doing really well. Being a single parent is very difficult - well done you.