How to deal with work colleagues

[Strawber]

I returned to work at the start of the year after Maternity leave. Prior to going off work I worked on a team of 10 people. I would have been a Knowledgeable colleague and people would ask me for advice/ support etc.

There have been some changes to the team and due to my own personal circumstances I have lost confidence in myself and I'm struggling with my mental health. I now feel like my working environment it starting to become toxic.

My Job is very stressful and there is a group of 4 girls who what I would describe as 'mean girls vibes' I made all the effort when I first returned and I could tell they were a bit off. Since things have settled they don't bother talking to me much or help. We had a new starter and they have now brought this person into their click. I noticed yesterday they were private messaging each other on the system and trying to not react to whatever the message was after I was talking to one of them. I felt immature saying at the time but I perhaps should have. I feel like I'm back in primary school or something.

When one of them is off they constantly ring or text them and talk about them like it's all they live for.

I'm actually at the point now I just want to leave. I have a meeting with my manager on Wednesday anyways and could bring this up but not sure if I sound petty or like I'm the problem here.

Two other colleagues I really get on with one only works one day with me and the other is leaving.

if i do raise this with my manager how is she even going to solve it. these woman are loud, negative bitchy types and i will immediately get the blame.

sorry for spelling and grammar issues and thanks for reading.

I would say raise it with your LM but be careful how you phrase things.
Are there any ppl on your team who you can count on as an allie as it Were?

I used to work with someone like that and as soon as they left (they were made redundant) others said they couldn't stand her either.

If you are going to raise it, I suggest you think about what it is you expect the manager to do. What outcome would you like?

It sounds unpleasant. But also on the other hand the manager can’t stop them being friends or make them make close friends with you.

I am not saying you are wrong to feel the way you do, but if you want to raise it you must want something to change.

You're there to work not make friends, bluntly. If it's not right for you, move.

Don't raise it with you LM that they're 'mean girls' ffs.

It's more about the messaging whilst I'm sitting there and trying not to laugh etc there is just no need for this. I don't care that I'm not friends with them. Our job requires up to support each other and I'm not getting that

The likelihood Nothing will change if you raise it with you LM and you will feel worse.

You leave or they leave is the only solution Yes they are dicks and unprofessional. But it is out of you control. You need to rise above it and think about what you can control.

It's a horrible feeling dressing going to work. it will make you feel anxious. Can exacerbate MH issues. Please just find a a new job.

The lack of support is the angle you need to bring up with your boss, try and make some bullet points on what's not working and what you would like to change, include the impact this is having on your productivity, or your work objectives - this is the bit that matters!

You need to just be friendly but get on with your work. Yes leave if it bothers you but you can hardly bring your manager in and expect it to be better. Even if they stop nessaging there will in all likelihood be a tense atmosphere that would make it unpleasant anyway.

Messaging systems at work are awful in the wrong hands, we've had it in our office with all out bullying messages about a colleague- months and mmonths worth. The thing is they also used WhatsApp so you can't really stop it. I would probably just leave as it sounds completely miserable.

Ugh these set-ups are shit shit shit. Everyone involved knows they're being a clutch of twats but social conditioning and the lack of anything solid to record means you can't make a sensible complaint. And well they will know it.

Might be worth looking for another job. No one ever seems willing or able to do anything about these sorts of cliques, even though you find them everywhere and they're a known factor.

Ugh again.

100% right

If all this messaging is not directly work-related, then their manager needs to stamp down on it pronto. They are pissing about instead of doing what they are paid to do during their working hours.

Once the manager knows what they are doing, they will be able to ask some it/tech person to monitor what's happening with the messaging, and put a stop to it.

So concentrate on how your job requires support and how you don’t get that from them, although they get it from you.

Give specific examples of how it’s impacting you and your work and what support is needed that they won’t give. And come up with some ideas how that could be resolved or better ways of working. That’s if you do want to raise it.

In all honesty, you may be best out of it. If you complain about their private messaging they will just find another way. And if they guess it’s you that complained it will make it worse.

I'm sorry you are dealing with this @Strawber

I think @pictoosh is spot on. Very rarely in 20+ years of professional work, much of that time as a line manager, have I seen real changes in a situation like this - which is rare. There's only 1 workplace I was in where there was a mean girls group, none were on my team so I didn't have much to do with them. Eventually they all left. It was never addressed while they were there and unless they all leave at the same time, the vibe continues as they welcome new people.

I wouldn't bring emotion into conversation with your line manager. Speak only about support and how to ensure there's maximum efficiency - line managers always want to look good, so going at it that way helps them not see this as a headache.

I'd also suggest looking for a new role where you can be happier. No job is perfect. No job is all perfect colleagues. But you spend too many hours at work to be miserable.

It can be hard going back after leave. Take good care of yourself!

Ime really stressful jobs are only manageable if you have great supportive colleagues. I'd start looking elsewhere.

I’ve been sat somewhere with colleagues quite obviously messaging each other across a desk when it was the 3 of us and giggling away at the messages, then mentioning bullying out loud. It was gross. It was a one off though. That specific thing hasn’t happened since.

We hot desk so I deliberately sit away from them if I can. Don’t know if you can do similar? I just crack on with my work then log off and leave.