Work 4 day week impossible as a Mum

[Storytime75]

Sorry if this is just a rant but some perspective would also be good - please be kind, feeling fragile.

I work remotely (in contract) and go into the office occasionally. I have worked 4 days a week since coming back from maternity leave and have my child one day per week.

I am trying to my best to be as accommodating as possible however this essentially means me putting in an extra 2-3 hours work every single night after my baby is in bed. I am so stressed out, and run into the ground.

Im not being a martyr, I've tried to put boundaries in place and have raised the issue of the workload with my manager and she's entirely unhelpful. In the past she has said "when I worked part time I found it really helpful to log on at 5am just blitz through my emails when no-one is bothering me, could you try that". Or "This is the problem with Mums working part-time, we expect a certain level of flexibility from you and it's usually impossible to make it work". I feel like encouraging this working pattern as the only way to get the job done is bad leadership. I do not get paid for any overtime or hours I put outside of the 4 days.

It's come to a head this week because I am expected to travel to a client on my non-working day (Tuesday). This is a 6 hour journey by train and an overnight stay. To then work the the next day with the client, and travel 6 hours back home to get back at 11pm. We do not get paid in lieu/toil for travel so that's 12 hours of my own time Im travelling on.

My issue is, in order to accommodate this for them, I will have to pay to put my child in nursery for the day. I raised this and asked what the business stance is on this as Im incurring a hefty additional cost and it's very much 'we expect you to be flexible'.

The solution is I work on the Tuesday, so I will be paid for that day. I will then travel up to the site. I will still have to pay for a full day's nursery in order to accommodate the business need for me to be there (I am unable to swap nursery days around).

Manager said 'well we're paying you for working on the Tues so we're covering your your childcare'. NO you're covering MY TIME, I am paying for the childcare. Im basically having to work an extra day, to get paid for 25% of it because the rest will go on childcare.

I understand that yes, every other day I work and my child is at nursery that is a cost I choose to incur, but that's a personal choice we've made as a family when weighing up my salary vs childcare.

Im pissed off because I feel that I'm having to pay the day of nursery fees/forfeit the day with my child in order for the business to meet the unrealistic expectations it has set to its clients, and the unrealistic expectations that staff will drop everything.

Im not expected to do it regularly, so fine. However the total lack of respect for my own time, the fact I work 4 days, the fact Im drowning in work and no one is prepared to listen, is completely disappointing. I will of course suck it up, and do the work, I just struggle so much to be firm in my opinions when management is so quick to disregard what Im saying as 'women being inflexible'.

YANBU - they are taking the piss
YABU - you need to suck it up

Thanks!

I get that it isn’t ideal, but your situation is worlds better than it was when I was a new mum.

There was no opportunity to go back part time. It was full time or you have to resign.

It was fully expected that if your role required travel before pregnancy, it still required it after maternity leave, even if you were a single mum.

It was fully expected that we would make arrangements for child care and pay for it. A friend who was a breastfeeding single mum used to pay to take her baby with her on work trips and then hire a babysitter via the hotel. I used to pay to fly my DH and baby out with me on business trips when I was breastfeeding. When the DC were older, whichever one of us not away on business would just have to arrange nursery, childcare, or use the odd bit of annual leave to make things work.

Your manager is probably coming from this angle of she did it, so why can’t you?

I think it’s ok to ask the manager what support they give, and you’ve gotten that response. So really it is up to you to solve the problem yourselves.

Yes this too

I have tried 3 day week, 4 day week and full time.

3 day week was best because you are the CLEARLY a part timer who cannot cover the full role. Does cause stagnation and you miss important meetings but I did get to work 3 days and no more.

4 day week was the worst! You are away so little that people think and treat you as full time. So you get 100% of the work at 80% of the pay under more time pressure. Absolute worst!

5 day week is full on but most peaceful. You get enough time and pay to do the job and you don't feel like you are being cheated.

I'd never do 4 day week again. Unfortunately there isn't much you can do about it other than keep your cool and keep hard non negotiable boundaries.

You shouldn't have to work on your day off. And especially since this involves quite a lot of travelling. However, it depends on how senior your position. Is and if you are considering looking for a new job. Your boss sounds a proper bully.

Not all workplaces are like this. Time to get a new job!

Definitely not OK. Just look for another job clearly the culture is shit where you work. There are places out that will accommodate part time roles. It definitely depends on what you do though.

I agree with what PPs have said, if you don't want to move company, either work 4 days compressed hours (you're already doing that, just not getting paid), or drop down to three and get someone else in the team to meet that shortfall.

This is the reason I didn't go back 4 days, they just expect you to do your old job in less days. Three days is perfect for me.

Thank you all so much for making me feel validated - as much as I hate that you’re all in the same boat as me, Im glad of the solidarity! Sounds like there is some lovely managers out there.

I initially requested compressed hours however was rejected (because they know I’ll have to do it for free if I want to keep my job!)

I didn’t mention in the above as not relevant to my AIBU is that Im also 4 months pregnant, so they absolutely have me over a barrel knowing I wont be able to find another job before mat leave (just statutory).

I struggle so much to be assertive but Ive tried so so hard to be clear and firm however am made to feel like Im not committed when Im trying to put boundaries in place.

Just raise a formal grievance?

Swap your non working day?
would you consider moving your contract to condensed hours. So full time hours over 4 days. If you’re doing the hours at night then that’s what you’re doing anyway. You might as well get paid for it.

Just seen your note on condensed. Cross post.

Having seen your latest update re being pregnant I'd say play along and take the occasional hit as you have bigger things to worry about. Next time say there is no childcare and refuse to travel/work in your time off. When you return to work next time think carefully about how you want to come back ft/pt.

I’d contact client and move the meeting to the Monday or Friday before so the half the travel is on a weekend day. Then your Tuesday is still blocked off.

When you dropped your hours, did they drop your KPI/targets?

12 hours unpaid travel time is completely unreasonable.

It all seems totally unsustainable. Can you speak to HR if your manager isn't being helpful. Or maybe start to look for a new job?

Are you in a union?

I honestly feel for you, this sounds awful . Of course your work are total arseholes and you are not being unreasonable. I've just realised how lucky I am (NHS post). I hope you manage as best you can til your new baby is born and then get a new job on mat leave and tell them to f* off x

If the company is large enough, an internal secondment to another role would not affect your rights to SMP.

I have two children and I’m pregnant, I work compressed hours, 5 in 4. All remote.

My manager and her manager would both have a go at me if I was working at 5am. They would be horrified. On the odd occasion when I’ve done some work on my non-working day they’ve both told me to log off. They don’t like to see me online in the evenings. I’m given a huge amount of flexibility for appointments, physio, childcare issues etc. Their priority is my health and well-being.

Your boss sounds awful. I don’t have much advice for managing the current situation but I would look for a new job for when you’re back from mat leave. It doesn’t have to be like this.

They are paying you part-time wages and expecting full-time work. Your boundaries need to be firmer. "No, I won't be doing that, Tuesday is my non-working day." Stop putting in extra hours, I'd suggest an email to manager copying in HR to say that you will no longer be able to accommodate unpaid overtime and expect the workload to be achievable within your paid hours. Start looking for another job.

I’m sorry you are going through this op. Your company culture sounds toxic and your manager is not doing their job properly in respecting your contracted hours and non working day. I’d echo other posters that you should look for a new position in a company which respects work life balance.

Do you have a DH/DP? Could they take a days annual leave on the Tuesday to look after DC and then you swap your non-working day that week and have a day to yourself to re-charge?

I'd also look for another job. This won't get better in this company, I doubt.

I work four days. But 0.9WTE. I probably do full time hours, but I take a 10% pay cut to keep a ring fenced day off. They never ask me to move it. I offer sometimes, but in nearly three years they have never asked me to do so. 1.00WTE in four days wouldn't be approved where I work these days, and I didn't want 0.8WTE as I knew I'd be working more than that hours wise to get the job done (it's a good job that I really wanted).

YANBU. They are definitely taking the piss.

My experience is this is always the way in many roles for working 4 days, it’s not part time. I had to view it as a means to end to have the non-working day and for a long time having that day was worth it. But once DC were at school and it took over more I went back full time simply for my sanity, to get paid for it and overall it has been a much better balance than attempting to have a non-working day

You’re in the wrong job. I work four days a week and I have two children. I love it and it’s the perfect balance. Yes it’s stressful and sometimes I feel guilty I don’t see the kids enough, but it’s perfect for me and I never feel like I have to log on in the evening. Find a flexible workplace that can offer you genuine part time hours, easier said than done I know but they are out there.

Contact

pregnantthenscrewed.com/

It's fair enough to highlight that perhaps the manager is coming at it from an out-dated mindset based on her own experience. I'm also sorry you and your colleagues worked for equally dreadful companies. But it's not a race to the bottom. Shouldn't we want the generation after us to have better opportunities and not have to fight so bloody hard? I heard an interesting comment today about the 'fences' employers/society put up to keep the undesirables (in this case, women) out. Until eventually the undesirables shout so loudly that the powers that be give them a ladder and tell them to use that to get over the fence...but then in addition to facing multiple fences, the undesirable has to carry this great big ladder around with them, trying to balance it on uneven ground and risk having it kicked out from under them at any point in time. When if employers actually wanted change, they'd just remove the fences.

Making it this difficult for mothers to work is an uncessary fence.

OP, they do have you over a bit of a barrel, but it's not unheard of to be recruited for another role whilst your pregnant. It sounds like this is a company culture problem rather than just a single line manager problem. If that's the case, it's never going to improve and the only thing you can do is look for another job and hang in as best you can.