How do I break up with the dad of my kids

[wov]

We've only been back together for 3 months and it's gotten horrible again. He started of giving me the silent treatment once a week and it lasted for a few hours at a time then upped to a day/ 2 days. Now it's multiple times a week

The kids are too young to notice. But I can't take it anymore. I cannot walk on eggshells and ask a simple question and be ignored. Feeling awkward going into my own living room. I hate it.

I do nothing to cause these silent treatments. Last time he said "I asked too many questions" I can't even remember what about. I think we were planning on doing something together. Or I was asking his feelings towards us and the future since he was ignoring me.

This time I think it's because I asked his "precious mum" if she'd want to have the kids. She didn't see the kids for an entire year and in the past 3 months saw them a few times and hasn't seen them in over a month. I thought she'd want to take them to a park etc. but his mum now "has a life" so this must have been atrocious of me to ask.

Tonight has been horrible walking on egg shells and we even went to McDonald's drive thru and it was just awful he wouldn't even answer anything I said and one worded answered me if that. We've watched a film with the kids and it's just been horrible

I've been so stupid thinking he'd change. He's clearly love bombed me because he has been a nice person so far and been really attentive and caring and has been with me all the time. Total opposite to how he was before. But now it seems he's got his foot in the door it's back to how it was. Incredibly stupid of me I know.

What do I do? How do I tell the kids. They will be gutted and probably hate me. He will twist it against me. I honestly don't even know if he will leave if I ask him to. It's my house. He's on nothing legally just has stuff here. But I don't think he'd leave or leave easily anyway. And the kids will be so upset and he will turn them against me.
How do I do this right?

Your kids won't hate you but they'll be damaged if they are brought up in a house where daddy hurts mummy and mummy is sacred and unhappy. Ask him to go and see his mum and once there message him that it is over and you'll send his stuff to hers in a taxi. Be safety conscious.

You don't have time or energy to be self indulgent to say the kids will hate me. If you truly believe that then you need parenting classes.

If he won't go call the police.

I think @BirthdayRainbow has said exactly what’s needed and I wish you well

It’s emotional abuse and it can’t continue. I grew up in a house like this and it’s so damaging.

Great advice.

Good luck gorgeous you can't live like this. You are not stupid.
You believed what he showed you.
Now he is back to his true colours you need to show him the door.
Yes send to Mums then put stuff in taxi to him is great advice xxxxxx

Thanks all. I'm relieved as I thought I was too harsh but maybe I did okay.

Look after yourself @wov you're doing the right thing.

@BirthdayRainbow I know it's just now calculated and nasty he can be turning the kids against me

His mum does it all the time too. She has a new boyfriend so has no "time to see the kids" but says it's me who doesn't allow it. How can I not allow something I am never asked.

They tell the kids I'm nasty to them and hurt them etc

You know the truth. Ignore them. If you really feel it is necessary you can keep a notebook of times offered, times rejected, etc. Concentrate on getting him out.

Oh his mum's got a life now, has she? Funny how some people only get "a life" when they’re asked to take on any responsibility. Bet she’s got time for bingo or whatever she’s up to. You weren’t asking her to raise the kids, just to see them now and then. But apparently, that’s too much. It sounds like the apple doesn't fall from the tree with her and you're best rid.

How old are the kids? If they are old enough to decide to see the grandparents, then grandma can call them for a chat and ask to see them. If they are too young to decide, then you can decide for them. Personally, I wouldn't be making any arrangements for my kids to spend time with anyone who slagged me off. If they want to see the kids, I would meet them in a neutral place and I would stay the whole time.

Agree with the above advice. Send him out, change the locks and send his stuff on after him. This isn't how grown ups treat each other and you don't want to live your life like this and you don't want your kids exposed to it.

Contact women’s aid for advice on how to make an exit plan. It’s great that he’s not on the lease/mortgage because he has zero legal right to be in your home. This is what I would do. When he goes out to work or his mums or with his mates, have a locksmith come and change the locks. Book them for when you know he will be out. Once the locks are changed, lock the door and stay in the house. Call the local police and tell them you are ending your abusive relationship and need them to put a tag on your address so that they will come out quickly should they need to. Message him to say that the relationship is over and he is no longer welcome in your home. Tell him you will send his belongings to his mother’s house. If he then comes to the house, do not answer the door. Instead, call the police. They will remove him from the premises. Get an incident number.
Get a diary and write down everything you can remember about what’s already happened and anything that happens in the future. Include any manipulation of the children or messing you about/using child contact to continue post separation abuse.
Ask women’s aid to recommend a good family lawyer who has had good outcomes for previous clients. Go and see them and explain the situation and your concerns about parental alienation from the ex and his mother.
Only communicate with the through a dedicated email. Block him in phone, social media etc. block the mother and any other family/friends of his. They will be his flying monkeys and you don’t need them messing in your life.

Does he pay towards rent and bills, does he have any claim at all on your house apart from having his stuff there?
I often read on here that the advice is to get a male friend or relative to be with you when you tell him to leave, if he kicks off call the police to remove him.

He sounds emotionally stunted, like a teenager. Well done for realising. You don’t want your children absorbing negative energy. It doesn’t have to be screaming and shouting to damage them. A life devoid of joy is more than enough. They’ll understand when they’re older. Respect yourself and your kids will also grow to respect themselves too.

Send the kids to your mum’s and then get him to leave. Don’t buckle when he starts being nice again. You can to this.x

Please leave before your kids get older. My eldest was 8 when they first asked me why I stayed with Daddy. It took me until they were 14, which I deeply regret.

@DonnaBanana she has a new boyfriend and stays with him 5/6 days a week. Her youngest child (kids auntie) is 14 and she leaves her there at the house 5-6 days alone so she can see her boyfriend. She's got plenty of time and I think her dislike towards me is because I'm the only one seeing through this.

Just wanted to say the advice posted here is excellent. Please follow it OP!