to think this has any meaning?

[UsernameNameUser]

Firstly, I have OCD and am aware this is illogical, but need a bit of a head wobble from people who are objective. In treatment, but it’s an ongoing process of course.

Anyway, current issue is that I’m assigning meaning to random things, and thus avoiding them. For example, I have this idea in my head that I can no longer use a specific brand (or any other brand with the same initial) because it begins with the initial “D”. Someone I knew before who I did not like has a name beginning with the initial “D”. In my head, this means that using the brand or having anything in my life that contains the letter “D” means I secretly am like this person, or am secretly “honoring” this person.

Again, I know this is irrational, but can’t help it. I have since begun avoiding every brand with the letter D in it because of this association, and this fear someone around me will say “huh, same initial, so obviously you are honoring this person, or it means x, y, z about you.” Worse is; it’s a few letters, numbers, colors, etc, all with different associations. It’s getting to the point where I’m avoiding 60% of common items.

Am I being unreasonable to think this is a real, legitimate concern? To think it’s a real connection? Or is it my OCD trying to sabotage things again?

Note: Please do be kind in your replies. If you understand OCD, my heart goes out to you. If you don’t, and think this post is absolutely ridiculous, imagine what it’s like living with it

This is absolutely your OCD, and intrusive thoughts.

What treatment have you been getting for your OCD? Have they given you any techniques to help?

Have you done any CBT at all?

My dd has done a lot of mindfulness and CBT and the techniques she has learned help her a lot.

So sorry op, it's such a difficult and misunderstood condition 💐

It's absolutely your OCD. Nobody would think you were honouring anyone, let alone this one particular person, by using brands which start with the same letter as their name.

There are countless people who share initials.

You're not unreasonable because it's part of your condition, be kind to yourself

Thank you. I don’t want to reassurance seek, but of course, my mind is utilizing my family’s love for me as a weapon (as in “of course they’re telling me it’s OCD because they don’t want to upset me”).

I have been doing ERP, but I must admit, I’m not very good at it. I get a burst of confidence, and then fall right back into avoidance. I am thinking of starting to journal, and have been looking at mindfulness journals. I’m happy to hear it worked for your DD!!

I just want to enjoy things again, instead of making myself so limited because my brain is unwell.

My grandfather, who I had so much respect for, happened to share the same initials as a notorious 20th century dictator, mass murderer, and byword for evil.

As a coincidence this is pretty unfortunate, but there are only 26 letters in the alphabet, and so it's not something that's meaningful at all. There's one MP out of 650 with the same coincidence.

So, yes, do try not to worry about this coincidence. They're are so many other things that letter also stands for.

What’s funny (in a sad sorta way) is my own DDog has a name beginning with D. Yet all I can associate the letter with is this one insignificant person who I don’t even speak to anymore

thank you

I don't know your family, of course, but I certainly know when dd is seeking reassurance about things potentially relating to her OCD (She has multiple other issues so it's always difficult for her) we tell her the absolute truth, there's no telling her what she wants to hear just to placate her.

You know yourself that you are fixated in this now so its going to be a hard thing to break and start disassociating from, but you can do it, you've done it before with different things I'm sure.

Writing things down is a brilliant idea, dd does this a lot, she says it helps her to physically see it written down and it helps her realise its a manifestation of her OCD.

She also has a few breathing techniques she uses when her mind starts going into overdrive, they just give her a minute to pause and think logically.

You've done a brilliant thing by asking on here as well, it's not easy.

I think you should focus on things like your dog's initial. (There's a sentence that's probably never been said before!)

You can already understand that it doesn't make sense that your dog can have the same initial as this person but that that's OK but this particular brand isn't OK.

😂😂 Definitely never been said before!!

It’s truly maddening how my OCD (and OCD in general) can pick and choose what to assign meaning to and what to leave alone. I think, if it were to focus on the positive association of my dog, it wouldn’t be able to torture me, so it focuses on the negative instead to keep control & keep that fear going. An insidious disorder!

Your DD is very fortunate to have you, you sound like a lovely parent to have! My own are very good, it’s just that I don’t feel comfortable sharing these obsessions (to this degree) as I find it embarrassing. I know that, if I did, they’d do the same as you, and perhaps I’ll explain to them more one day. They’ve already heard a few, and of course, remember many I held in childhood (like worrying a family of rats were hiding under our beds to try and bite us during the night, thus spreading a disease that would kill us!!) so they’re well aware of how outlandish my brain can get!

You sound pretty amazing yourself op.

It's really not easy to separate the intrusive thoughts from rational thoughts sometimes, let alone reach out and seek advice about them.

I really hope that everything starts working for you soon and you find some peace.

I have never suffered from OCD, but from my experience of seeing it, it looks absolutely exhausting 💐

It is your illness and if you feel this is new you need to tell your care team.

Thank you. It’s not a new obsession, it’s been one I’ve been fighting on and off since January I think? A while now, anyway. I think it’s hitting harder now as I had broken free from it. It’s always harder when you’ve “fallen off the wagon” so to speak

Thank you all for your replies. I was feeling a bit better last night, but back to anxious/racing thoughts this morning. It usually does get worse when I try to fight it, so I knew this would happen. I’m just trying to not engage with the thoughts and go about my day. Unfortunately, I’m a bit ill today with a head cold so can’t do much else than lay about & rest - which leaves ample time for my brain to run wild.

I did take the first step this morning and delete the list of “safe” brands I had accumulated on my phone. I realized it was an avoidance compulsion (checking, researching, etc) and knew deleting it would be the best thing to do. I can’t live with every choice meticulously listed out as “safe” and “unsafe”, especially when the threat is imagined

Now's the time for some mindfulness then.

Or other ways to keep your brain busy. Even if it's a tv marathon.

I’ve recently taken up journaling, and have been using headspace 5 minute meditations via YouTube. Also plan to have a nice, nutritious dinner and watch the new season of Unsolved Mysteries. I do feel somehow selfish though for not doing anything productive today.

The anxiety is high. I feel as though the “threat” is right outside my door, and the walls are closing in. Like something terrible is about to happen. But I recognize it’s the illness trying to claw back control now I’ve made a step to move past it

I understand completely.
I can listen to the red hot chilli peppers because it means I'll die 🙃
I can't listen to songs if the singer is now dead because it means I'll die.
I can't turn out the light if I'm in the room (unless it's my bedroom) as something bad will happen.

I am full aware that this is all absolute ridiculous but my OCD takes over.

I'd suggest CBT and other talking therapies but I feel I can't offer advice when I am in the same predicament.
Sending hugs xx

sending hugs back xx

we go through so much on a daily basis, don’t we? It’s hard when your own brain is your worst enemy