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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU considering going NC with DF?

6 replies

IdentifiesAsExhausted · 04/10/2024 17:05

I'm currently sat outside DF's (73) house having a panic attack. We've never had the best relationship and we didn't speak for a decade but reconnected before Covid. I was pushed into this decision and massively regret it.

DF is manipulative, nasty and just generally made my life a living hell as a child. When we first reconnected he managed to be civil but over the years has gone back to his old self.

DF has lots of family that do not speak to him because of his behaviour, and he is feeling isolated and is constantly reaching out to me. The problem is he overreacts every time I do not answer the phone (I'm at work), by sending a barrage of texts saying he is worried and is going to call the police. This forces me into contacting him. He also constantly gaslights me by telling me I've agreed to do things for him when I haven't, and plays the 'If you loved me you'd do X card'.

I cannot cope with this anymore, I have almost been physically ill from the thought of knocking on his door (I agreed to come around after putting him off for 4 weeks) and I just cannot do this anymore.

My issue is, if I go NC, he will be on his own. He won't have anyone and I feel guilty for this, but it's also not my fault he's pushed everyone else away. AIBU? Do I just suck it up? Any advice from anyone who've been in a similar situation would be appreciated!

OP posts:
Aligirlbear · 04/10/2024 17:29

Your DF loneliness is not your problem - it is for them to deal with. What you describe is no friendship - it’s actually abuse from a controlling manipulative individual. If this was a relationship you would have been out long ago.

Clearly this is impacting your MH, well being and stopping you from doing things you want to do. For your own well being you need to go NC now and block their number / unfriend on facebook etc. no excuses 🙂 . Let them phone the police as they have threatened if you don’t respond - if they contact you, you have the texts to show them it’s all about manipulation.

You owe this person nothing but owe it to yourself to go NC and look after yourself - you are your priority, not this manipulator

thepariscrimefiles · 04/10/2024 17:29

OP, he made your life a 'living hell' as a child. You owe him nothing. He is making you physically ill.

Go NC for your own mental health and peace of mind.

As for his gaslighting 'if you loved me, you'd do X', why on earth does he think that you would love him after the way that he has treated you as a child and is treating you now?

noctilucentcloud · 04/10/2024 17:57

I think you should step away. You don't need to sacrifice your own health and happiness to try and help his loneliness. He is only in this position because of his behaviour. The fact others have stepped away shows how reasonable you would be doing the same. You have nothing to feel guilty about.

Hoppinggreen · 04/10/2024 18:02

Please OP, look after yourself and go NC with him.
He was an awful father and still is and you owe him nothing. He has nobody because thats what he deserves

JohnSt1 · 04/10/2024 18:02

I'd go NC. You need to look after yourself.

YuzuSake · 04/10/2024 18:06

Well you have three options…

Continue seeing him as per usual, and suffer the consequences you are going through. Basically place his needs above your own.

Continue seeing him but on your own terms, meaning you will have to be extremely strong in terms of having firm boundaries that you do not waver on.

Go NC, but you will need support to process the guilt you will go through as a result (absolutely not because you should feel guilty, but because it is your natural inclination).

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