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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Ex wants to stop me moving despite court order

21 replies

IrishL · 04/10/2024 13:25

I got a court order allowing me to move to NI in January and ex is threatening to stop me. The court order was by consent, we did mediation and agreed on everything, we signed it and it was approved by the judge. He was fine with everything, now he’s saying he doesn’t want me to go and is going to stop me. I don’t know what to do, I’m scared. We have two girls 2 and 4 years old.

OP posts:
JohnofWessex · 04/10/2024 13:37

The order gives you the right to go, so as far as he is concerned tough.

roseymoira · 04/10/2024 14:10

Just move asap before he can take it back to court. Don't mention your plans to him

Summerhillsquare · 04/10/2024 14:25

When you say scared has he made any threats? These should be reported to the police asap.

MrSeptember · 04/10/2024 14:29

I have no idea if he can change hism ind after you've gone through the formal process and had it signed off by a judge. Were you legally represented during te court order at all? In which cas, can you contact your solicitor?

Also, what does the order say? I imagine that even if he CAN change hismind, there's a process to do that and he'd have to go through it. You don't have to do ANYTHING except respond to whatever genuinely formal, legal steps he takes (sending messages, writing emaisl doesn't count - you. need something from the court telling you to turn up at x time in y place).

BigFatLiar · 04/10/2024 14:47

Why has he changed his mind. Did it just occur to him that he'd lose contact with the children?

Hatty65 · 04/10/2024 15:17

Just ignore anything he says and carry on with your plans. You have a court order in place allowing you to do this - and if he has changed his mind then he will need to go back to court about it.

Don't discuss the matter with him. Refuse to engage in conversation over anything to do with moving. If he announces he is going to stop you I'd probably say, 'OK,' in neutral tones and then change the conversation or leave.

IrishL · 04/10/2024 15:22

roseymoira · 04/10/2024 14:10

Just move asap before he can take it back to court. Don't mention your plans to him

He knows the date I'm moving, and has said he'll turn up at my house to stop me.

OP posts:
BananaSpanner · 04/10/2024 15:24

IrishL · 04/10/2024 15:22

He knows the date I'm moving, and has said he'll turn up at my house to stop me.

Just go earlier.

Hoppinggreen · 04/10/2024 15:25

The only way he can stop you is physically, in which case you call The Police.
Might be easier if you go the day before though

Hatty65 · 04/10/2024 15:28

Go to friends the night before and leave from there.

Have a male friend/relative - or crowds of well wishers there - to see you off and step in if he makes a scene.

Phone the police for advice and say he is threatening you.

There are ways round this. Personally I'm quite stroppy and would have said to him 'I don't know how you think you'll manage that. If you make any attempt to threaten me I will have you arrested. Are you actually suggesting you think you can PHYSICALLY prevent me from moving house?'

lateatwork · 04/10/2024 15:28

That's difficult. Is he saying that because the reality of the move is sinking in?

Fridayfunny · 04/10/2024 15:30

Because you are not due to go until January, he has plenty of time to go back to court to get it changed. You need to find out WHY he has changed his mind. Have you done or said anything to make him think you won't abide by the agreement approved by the Judge? He is the children's father NI is still in UK jurisdiction so I think it's worth trying to sort out why it's now a problem.

MrSeptember · 04/10/2024 15:30

IrishL · 04/10/2024 15:22

He knows the date I'm moving, and has said he'll turn up at my house to stop me.

Oh, in this case, don't 'worry about it at all. Have the court order handy and, if he does turn up, call the police.

This is classic controlling and threatening behaviour that has no actual basis on legal reality but that men use with remarkale effect when it comes to women and children.

vivainsomnia · 04/10/2024 15:36

Does the consent order stipulates where you are moving? Were conditions attached to it? Such as you coming back with the girls every other weekends? Did he now have reasons to think you won't do that?

He has every eight to go to court to request a change of order. He would need to have good reasons to do so, hence the above being key.

JohnofWessex · 04/10/2024 15:39

I would talk to The Police now so that if he does kick off then they know whats happening.

Also this might constitute harassment

SaveMeFromMyBoobs · 04/10/2024 15:42

Unless the date is specified in court order move earlier. Or move into a hotel or a friend's for a couple days so if he turns up you're not there.

MrSeptember · 04/10/2024 15:44

Here's a list of things that exBIL has threatened SIL with, off the top of my head, that, at various times, have made her very nervous even though actually, not one is true:

1 that he will go to court and get custody of their dc (when they were TOGETHER he was barely present and since they broke up he sees the DC about once a month, at best, so how he thought this was a strong argument I don't know. except... she believed him).

2 He will tell the police/social services/court that she's an unfit mother, parties too hard and uses hard drugs.... she was partying about once a month, usually WITH him (pre separation) and while frankly, the mild drug use was, in my opinion, completely unnecessary and inappropriate, it WAS mild, DC were well cared for AND he was using at the same time. Sadly, a typical case of middle class parents blowing off steam on a weekend at great expense.

3 He will tell everyone (and/or police) about the violence she inflicts on him. He has recordings of argument x or y. Bizarrely, arguments X and Y were when HE was violent to her so that one made no sense and she didn't actually buy into it. On another occasion, after he broke down a door and took her private things, and she was grabbing and hitting at him to get them back she DID worry he'd go to the police but we reassured her that the broken door was pretty clear evidence of self defense. As was his LACK OF ANY WOUNDS. Particularly considering she had minor bruises at various times as a result of his behaviour.

4 Threatened to contact immigration on her/extended family because they're not English. They are, however, in this country 100% legally, pay taxes etc.

They threaten and bluster and they don't back it up.

There's a woman on here whose ex is sending her threatening solicitor's letters about "debts" she supposedly owes them from when they were together such as petrol for trips they took! Mindblowing.

SinnerBoy · 04/10/2024 15:46

IrishL · Today 15:22

He knows the date I'm moving, and has said he'll turn up at my house to stop me.

Has he been stupid enough to write any of it in messages? If so, go to the Police now and explain the situation. Good grief, you're moving to Northern Ireland, not Ulan Bator.

I'd second the advice to stay at a friend's, or relative's, for a couple of days before you move. If you're planning to fly, go by ferry, or vice versa, in case he decides to turn up at the airport.

Fridayfunny · 04/10/2024 15:48

Something isn't adding up here. Everyone is jumping on the dad but he agreed to the mediation stage so something has happened since then. I suspect he's now twigged that the OP isn't going to abide by what has been agreed in the Judgment. I wish the OP would come back and clarify. If he'd really been horrible then he would never have gone through the process to get to the agreement. He would just have refused from the start. Something has happened to upset him and the OP isn't telling us what that is.

GoldenLegend · 04/10/2024 16:12

@Fridayfunny or maybe he’s just a jerk.

Beastiesandthebeauty · 04/10/2024 16:38

Is there a background of abuse?
What has changed since court ?
Are contact arrangements also in place ?

What are you scared of ?

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