ND family here- DH, DD2 and DS all diagnosed with AuDHD, all need different things. It’s been a rollercoaster and I did start taking anti-depressants myself to cope with the very difficult times where I indeed felt like I was lost and drowning.
We have just recently hit a point where people are levelled. Needs are 90% met. It means I’ve had time to recover, sleep, take myself away to reset. I know they’ll likely be a new wave of challenges at some point but after 5 years of big emotions, multiple agencies and professionals, fighting schools, finding the right medication etc etc we are settled.
I echo what is said here by others. Drop all expectations of what things should look like. Do what works for your unit. Adapt, adjust, see them for who they are, not what you think it is your own experience in the world.
Celebrate the small wins. At one point for us, this was people being able to wash, eat , move. The burnout phases are ridiculously hard but we have now pretty much h understood what leads to them for ours and I’m always ready to step in and force rest/decompression before hand- even if it means changing plans/ appearing flakey to others/ letting loved ones down etc.
Find something for you. For me, my pets are my emotional support- unwavering love and affection. The steam room at the gym. Coffee exactly how I like it. These small things make the tough times bearable. And things do move- just at a slow speed. Best of luck OP!