to feel like I'm being punished for being a mum

[jajajajajajajajajaja]

Long story short: I have 3 kids; the youngest has just started secondary. I have been freelancing for 10+ years, as it allowed me more flexibility than a permanent job I had before. Now I don't need as much flexibility and I started looking for a job. I need to earn more due to the cost of living crisis, our mortgage has increased a lot, and DH won't earn more in the foreseeable future. We used to live comfortably on our current income, but now it seems that everything is getting more and more expensive. I even had to reduce my pension contributions.
I always thought freelance work would allow me to remain employable, and I worked hard all these years. Now I'm not so sure. Freelance work has dried up in my field. Most of my job applications go unanswered, I had a couple of interviews but didn't get any offers yet. The feedback is confusing: I am too senior/too junior, don't have XYZ skills/experience, my last corporate job was too long ago... I'm in my 40s, and most people interviewing me are younger than me and I'm not even sure I will fit in anywhere. I really need a steady job to support my family and to pay into a pension/prepare for retirement.
I don't regret that I spent time with my children, they are all happy and thriving. However, it feels like nobody wants to employ an old mum and I'm being punished for having spent the time with my family. I need some words of encouragement!

Hang in there! It's a bit of rough job market out there so will just take time. Are there any reputable online courses you could do to upskill in those missing skill areas they identified? If those skills are likely to be needed for similar roles. If its a certified course, like the Google career certificates, it's a good way to show you have current and relevant knowledge. Could also make you feel more confident and empowered.

What is your area/skill set? People may be able to offer better advice if you are more specific. Or could you look at doing something else, do you have transferable skills etc. 40's is not old, you still have 20 years if working, so can look at your options

Well I know you used the mum card but I would not assume the fact you have children is it

I would presume any person without children who worked the way you did over the years may still have the same feedback and issues

I know people like to assume the world is against mums but I would think a little more and think maybe it is my work choices instead, juat because we happen to have a child doesn't always mean anything different to anyone else

I agree with PP, it would be a good time to reflect on feedback and upskill on the points that were identified. Also, it would depend if your freelance job was in the same area as your previous career or jobs you are currently applying for and how you position it on your CV. For example, if you were a banker pre-kids and then were freelancing as a dog walker, it is not going to be seen as relevant experience when applying for banking jobs. But if you were doing consultancy work (which is how you would describe it on your CV, rather than "freelance"), then it is likely to be a lot more relevant.

As others have said you need to reflect on what is being said and maybe gain some more skills or change your CV or aim for lower positions in order to gain the experience you've missed out on by freelancing.

If I saw 10 years of freelance on a cv I would expect to understand the story behind it. Are you being upfront with recruiters. Freelancing for 10 years to focus on family is perfectly acceptable. Freelancing for 10 years with no background as to why, may lead employers to wonder why - doesn't work well with others? Can't commit? Not good at job? Etc ......

I have just made this transition. It is a culture shock because the world of work has moved on a bit, more than I had realised as a freelancer. When you’re self employed you’re focused on the work tasks, but when you’re employed you also need to pay attention to the culture.

If you’re not getting interviews then that’s a different problem to not getting the job after the interview. I would tackle them as two separate issues: do you need to rewrite your cv or do some courses to make sure your skills are up to date? And in terms of interviews, do you need to do some research into the culture of the organisations and the people interviewing you before you go there?

Obviously you know this but the best way to find work is through your networks. Have you told all your freelance contacts you’re planning to move back to employment?

I don’t see what this has got to do with you being a mum. Do you not just position yourself on your CV as full-time freelance for the past whatever it is?
What is much more likely is that whatever you freelance in, the nature of the industry has changed and so have related opportunities, perhaps your skills don’t match so well. Or maybe people only want to have full-time employees. There was a classic case of that occurring with IT professionals in the 2000s.

I would suggest giving some quantification of your freelance work on your CV. E.g. how much, number of projects which clients, some field-specific details. If there are any online results of your work you could share to your LinkedIn. I used to work in a position that hired freelancers and sometimes it was impossible to tell if someone had worked 40h per week for multiple clients or if they had had the occasional client while doing something else.

How long have you been looking? A few interviews is not bad - it’s a numbers game in the end, and the more you apply, and then interview, the better you’ll get at it.

If freelance work is drying up in your field, it would be reasonable to assume the in-office jobs are also fewer? What direction is your industry heading in - do you understand its challenges and opportunities?

Have you reached out to your network and told them you’re looking for employment? You get a big leg-up if a recommendation comes from someone who’s already worked with you.

I think it’s the job market and your age - there is a lot of ageism / unconscious bias about age at the moment. I’m a similar age and have never found it so hard to get a new job; suddenly all the people interviewing me are significantly younger, and I look around my workplace and wonder where all the people aged 40+ are.

Plenty of people freelance without kids. I am confused as to why you think this has anything to do with you being a mother?

How would they even know?

The ‘too senior’ and ‘too junior’ is so annoying. I find it’s often used when it’s a no but people can’t find a really good reason to say no.

What field do you work in?

The market is incredibly tough right now, as others have said. I work in an industry where freelancing is the norm, but when I tried to transition out years ago I had trouble making people understand why I had freelanced, and also to prove that my skills were transferable (what I do is perceived by the public as very specialist, but actually is very much a generalist role, with tonnes of crossover with other fields).

I agree with you also re: the ageism thing. I’m approaching 40 and starting to worry that if I want to make any big career swings, time may be running out. Which is ridiculous given I’ve got more working life ahead of me than behind me 🤷‍♀️

I would take securing interviews as positive. So I don't think the freelance is impacting.

I do think of they are mentioning levelling issues I would reconsider your approach and go senior. A lot of time and I am including myself in this we undersell. Today that doesn't wash. I sat in a panel recently and I was basically told by 23 year olds fresh from college they could run full departments because they had a master's no experience but hey ho.

The interview style has changed a lot. I imagine when interviewing freelance it is deliverable based? So now you are in new space where culture fit will matter more. Tell them you are well able to do the job and tell them again with your evidence.

Wishing you success.

I do think it’s tricky. I did the self employed with the kids thing too got to 40 and needed a job. I tweaked the cv took off degree, minimised experience etc then I got an entry level job with LA stayed in post for six months then started applying upwards.

Ask for feedback on your interviews. It may help you to identify what is missing that employers are looking for.

Have you got on the books of any agencies who specialise in freelance and contract work? They are often a better way in for contracting, and you'll get paid a lot more than being an employee.

I honestly think it’s the job market. My husband and many friends have either lost, or had the threat of redundancy over the last year. In all different fields, 3rd sector, marketing, media, finance etc. Its cheaper to hire a 20 something rather than a 40 something… I think it’s just a really rough time. Applying for jobs is a numbers game- just chuck enough mud until something sticks. Good luck

Thanks for your ideas everyone! Will reply more in detail later as I'm working today.
Just a few brief comments.
Re upskilling - already doing this, learning lots on Coursera and the like
Re CULTURE- this came up a lot in the above replies. This is what I struggle with the most. When I last applied for jobs, I could say: I have X skills, Y experience, which means that I can do Z job. It was enough. Now even the job descriptions are full of words like "spearheading", "championing", "leveraging" and "wholesome culture". I think it is my biggest problem in interviews - does anyone have any tips on how to improve in this area? Any useful webistes, blogs etc? Thanks for your support!