Husband and baby bond

[Peanutsandbutter]

Hi,

NC and posted here for traffic.

My 9 month old is going through a clingy phase, especially when tired. Bedtime routine out of the window, she only wants to sleep on me.

I'm pretty sure it's a teething/ separation anxiety phase.

However baby's dad is getting quite annoyed about it, I think he's taking it personally, says I'm too close to the baby, she's too clingy to me and we wants us to be separated more. They do spend some time together, but baby very recently only wants me when they are very tired or upset.

I'm on MAT leave, to me it's my job to be here 24/7 if my baby needs me right now. Or am I wrong? I feel quite heartbroken, I don't know what I'm doing wrong or how to fix it.

Your husband is very wrong and you and your baby are doing everything that is instinctively right and natural.
It is developmentally normal for her to be so close, and if you meet her needs fully now she will be secure and confident and, again developmentally normal, she will have the courage to branch out on her own more as she gets older precisely because she is secure and confident you will always be there.
Deprive your baby of the closeness she craves and needs now, and you'll make her more clingy not less, because it will shake her confidence, that she has that solid rock.

Your her mum, she’s tiny and she wants you, you’re her everything - which is perfectly normal and just the way it should be.

There's a developmental leap around now, where they really start understanding you're different people. My DH was on SPL at this point and I was working, and baby still became very clingy to me for a few weeks. I'm sure someone will have a link to some sensible resources on leaps and separation anxiety at this age. Worth sharing them with him.

These phases are temporary and your husband is being impatient and is ill informed.

Read up on baby development, arm yourself with expertise and then you'll feel confident and can push back against this unreasonable criticism knowing that it's not you, it's him.

He needs to grow the fuck up, put his child’s needs above his ego and read a book or something. Your baby is tiny, she needs her loving mum and if he’s giving off horrible vibes resenting her normal infant behaviour no wonder she doesn’t want to her close to him.

You’re not doing anything wrong love, neither is your daughter.

It is likely that she will settle for him if you're not there so I would take some time out and let him have some bonding time with her too.

Your job as parents is to put your child first. Sometimes it's shit. He might feel rejected but he needs to grow up.

Kids go through phases where they prefer one parent or the other. It's normal.

I voted YABU because you shouldn't allow your husband to make you feel that way. It sounds like you are doing everything right. Just keep being there for your baby. He's going to have to suck it up.

Your husband is a twat, quite frankly.

As someone experiencing the opposite (our DD has gotten extremely clinging to OH and doesn't want anything to do with me), I totally get the way your DH is feeling. It's frustrating. But there's nothing he can do really only ride this wave. It is a phase. I'd remind him of that. FWIW Our DD is older and is absolutely perfect with me when we are on our own with OH!

Fuck him. Sounds like a selfish bastard! How pathetic that he appears jealous of a baby

This is what I was going to say. I don’t agree it’s your job to be there 24/7 for your baby. You need time for yourself and with your friends, and in preparation for returning to work. Make sure you’re going out and leaving baby with him, and don’t just take the baby if she is upset .