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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask where you would live?

12 replies

itsallsohard · 03/10/2024 22:07

I am divorcing at 59 and have the right to live, plus family, in three different English-speaking countries: England, the US, and Canada. England means London, basically.

The US means the southern bits, my older son and two brothers but I have never lived there myself. Canada: a sister, and where I grew up, better medical and social care than UK, but the winters are even worse than in the UK.

UK: friends and younger son grew up here and is disabled so not easily moved, but it's so expensive in the UK (the division of assets will leave me much better off in the US or better still Canada, financially). The kind of services I will need as I age and my son will need (public transport, social care, a national healthcare system) are falling apart in the UK as I watch, plus I'm only here because of the husband I'm divorcing.

So this question is a bit open-ended, but where do you think is a good place to retire? Can any of my kind fellow-women help me think through what I should consider? Bonus points if you've divorced and also had to consider how to make the money stretch...

OP posts:
Singleandproud · 03/10/2024 22:15

US = guns that alone would void that option
Canada = depends on where, somewhere picturesque but not too remote I'd like that.
Where will your younger son go though, as staying with him would be a priority so if he was to remain in England that would win.

ItsLovelyWeatherForDucks · 03/10/2024 22:22

Canada is somewhere I always used to fancy living. But when push comes to shove I would never leave the UK.

BluebirdBoogie · 03/10/2024 22:25

Not USA.

MiddleAgedDread · 03/10/2024 22:27

Why does England have to mean London??

ReignOfError · 03/10/2024 22:36

Canada, in a heartbeat. I had the chance to move there when I lived in the States, and totally regret not doing so. I don’t think the winters are worse, even on the west coast, but then i’d rather have a cold and snowy winter than the grey damp of much of the UK.

I would swerve the US for several reasons, but the main one is the cost of healthcare.

Of course, there are cheaper (and nicer) parts of the UK - not just England - that might also be worth considering.

mindutopia · 03/10/2024 22:47

I grew up in the US and you couldn’t pay me a billion dollars to move back there. Cost of living is actually quite high. I think salaries may be a bit higher, but things like food and healthcare are much more expensive. And it’s just not a nice place to live, given rates of violent crime and politics.

I can’t speak to Canada because I’ve never lived there. Vancouver is nice, but you will face similar cost of living issues as London as very expensive. I’m sure in the middle of nowhere it’s cheaper, but it’s the case in the UK as well.

Again, can’t speak to Canada, but affordable healthcare, social care, and public transport are dire in the US. It’s not a country that looks after its people. You have to have money to pay. And if you can afford private healthcare, or the good quality long term care, why not utilise it here?

ComtesseDeSpair · 03/10/2024 22:54

Have you ever lived outside of the UK as an adult? I know quite a lot of Canadians - they choose to work in the US so as to qualify for US workplace insurance as the Canadian health and social care systems are beleaguered with the same problems as the NHS. “The Southern Bits” of the US - where is this? Rural Kentucky is very different to urban Texas and different again to the suburban Carolinas.

I don’t think anyone can advise you on where you should live, unless you have a better idea for yourself of what it’s like to live there - not least on MN, where most posters’ knowledge of Canada is about 20 years out of date, and most posters’ knowledge of the US seems to be based on old episodes of Judge Judy, a holiday they once had in Orlando, and a Louis Theroux documentary they watched in 2005.

ComtesseDeSpair · 03/10/2024 22:58

In terms of where I’d choose to live: I’m a Londoner and very happy here, but DH and I will eventually move back “home” to Michigan where he’s originally from. I love both places for all kinds of different reasons and have no hesitations about living in the US.

KindOf · 03/10/2024 22:59

ComtesseDeSpair · 03/10/2024 22:54

Have you ever lived outside of the UK as an adult? I know quite a lot of Canadians - they choose to work in the US so as to qualify for US workplace insurance as the Canadian health and social care systems are beleaguered with the same problems as the NHS. “The Southern Bits” of the US - where is this? Rural Kentucky is very different to urban Texas and different again to the suburban Carolinas.

I don’t think anyone can advise you on where you should live, unless you have a better idea for yourself of what it’s like to live there - not least on MN, where most posters’ knowledge of Canada is about 20 years out of date, and most posters’ knowledge of the US seems to be based on old episodes of Judge Judy, a holiday they once had in Orlando, and a Louis Theroux documentary they watched in 2005.

Edited

This is fair.

Dartmoorcheffy · 03/10/2024 23:00

I would live in the US and be near my siblings

Getitwright · 03/10/2024 23:25

Why London? I would do some research on other areas of the UK and you might be rather surprised.

Westofeasttoday · 02/11/2024 22:51

Purely on places to live (and have lived in all three and much more recently than 20 years) I would without a doubt move to Canada. Without a doubt.

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