Partner looking at ex on social media,aibu?

[metroblast]

We have been together 2 years.
He has all of his ex's on social media and that doesn't bother me really as he showed me them when we first met and doesn't care at all.
One of his ex's he doesn't have (he's told me about her too ) told me her name when we met but told me they never were really together because of "things " and she's a bit "crazy "
She isn't on his social media
Anyway never thought much of it

Monday night I went in the kitchen and made a cuppa ,came out and he was looking at someone's pics on Snapchat
It's this girl (recognised her and the name )
So I just asked him straight why are you looking when you said you didn't have her on?
He said he didn't and that they have mutual friends so he can see her public story
My question is why bother clicking on it ?
If she's crazy ? Why isn't she blocked

Would this bother you ?

It would bother me more that he said his ex is crazy, classic narc behaviour

Best case scenario - crazy people are likely to have drama in their lives or are up to crazy things so he was being nosey and wanted to see the gossip.

Worst case scenario - the crazy comment is to distract you from the fact that she meant something to him the past and he looks at her story because he’s jealous of her current life.

Most likely scenario is being nosey. Lots of people hope that they have progressed more than their exes - not because they care. If she saw his story then he’d want her to think he’d done well with his life (a competitive thing )

A red flag that he took the time to say that she wasn’t added because she’s crazy. Did she dump him ? Did she have a boyfriend who she left him for ?

He said that she wanted a relationship with him and at the time he didn't
Then they had arguments apparently and that's all I know anyway

No it wouldn't. People from the past pop into my mind for all sorts of random reasons. Sometimes I get curious about what they're doing. It doesn't mean I have feelings for any of them, or anything other than a mild nosiness.

I think most if not all people do this. I’m in my 40’s and within the last year I’ve looked up people I’ve dated since I was 13 🤷🏼‍♀️

He was probably just being randomly nosy! As most of us are on social media 😂

My point to him was if she was as crazy as you say why not just block
I know if I had any crazy ex he would be blocked in a heartbeat

I would suspect him saying "she wanted the relationship with him" is actually the reverse of what happened.
I would find the " crazy" comment quite worrying.
Sounds as though she didn't want to know him, or they had a relationship and she finished it, and he is a bit obsessed about her.

Well when we first met he didn't want a relationship with me either
Then we got together after a while
This girl now has a boyfriend (I have snooped)
I just had that worried feeling now that she does he might be regretting it
I know I'm overthinking but I'm good at that

I will look at ex’s accounts every few months - I’m just having a nosy! Someone was apart of your life, even if you don’t love them/fancy them any more you wonder what they’re up to! I will often fill in my partner on what I saw on my ex’s accounts - he’ll laugh and call me a snoop lol. There’s a reason they’re ex’s - be different if it was swimwear pick or something like that.

Some people are just nosey so it's not necessarily a red flag or anything! I've friend who's terrible for looking up everyone she's ever met periodically, especially exes and she has zero interest in any of them romantically (happily married).

I don't do that kind of social media, but if I did, I'd probably be the same!

I seem to be in the minority here but I think having ALL of your exes on social media is weird - is it like his conquest list?

Is he wanting her to complete his collection 🤔😂

I think on Snapchat unless they’re snapping, there’s nothing to worry about because often when I’m looking at Snap stories the next one just comes up randomly so it is probably most likely that.

i do it too. Exs can be a big part of your life I think it’s only natural curiosity that people have a gander. Some don’t that’s fine. But I’m too nosey 😂 I don’t harbour any feelings for exes just a general I wonder how life is for them now. Doesn’t make me feel any kind of way though.

she will be able to see that he’s viewed her story though

Maybe she wasn’t as crazy as he led you to believe, or just crazy in a non-threatening way. I can completely imagine being that woman who is called crazy. It’s some kind of meaningless cliche, that is also sexist. Maybe she is some kind of non-conformist. It’s always an accusation on women, isn’t it? I can’t imagine believing any man who calls a woman crazy.

I snoop at my exes, they no longer mean anything to me but I live in hope that I find out they are utterly miserable!

Surely nearly all of us have looked up an ex on social media.

I think it is your insecurities about the relationship.

I look at my ex's as I am curious and nosey but have no intention of wanting to speak or get back together with them. I don't message them.

My ex husband made me delete my ex's from Facebook that I should have seen as a red flag for all the controlling behaviour and paranoia that was to come that if I was late from work or seeing friends I must be cheering on him.