Why do I feel everything so deeply?!

[Sabrinaspellman01]

Just some late night pondering really. I just feel things really deeply, for example worry about family members/loved ones, get all upset about things that haven't even happened, feel really sorry for people I see in my every day life. It's so strange. I'm not depressed or anything like that, I know I'm probably just quite a sensitive person in general. Does anyone else get this/know what I mean? Thanks 😊

I am like this, I was watching Bake Off and there was a lovely lady who created a showstopper with little stars, some represented herself, her husband and 2 children and a few represented children they had lost, possibly miscarriages. I felt so deeply for her and felt my eyes fill up. I don't even have children or wanted them, but it just really moved me. People always open up to me about things they have never told anyone before, even strangers! I have learnt not to carry things but still feel empathy and care for people.

How do you know others don't feel like this, but don't react visibly as much?
Answer is you can't, any more than you don't know that the colour you think as red is seen the same by others etc

Yes, I feel everything very deeply. I cry at least once a day, often multiple times a day. I worry about people constantly, I worry that people might be hurt or upset. I have lots of empathy for pretty much everyone, including complete strangers (why would I not care about someone just because I don't know them??) and even people who died hundreds of years ago. I am a huge history nerd but I cry and get very effected by things that have happened. Sometimes I think about it for days and it really gets me down what people have been through over the years. I can barely even watch the news, it upsets me so much.

Its exhausting.

But I'd honestly rather be like this than like the people who simply do not give a shit. I struggle massively to understand them and some of the nonchalant phrases I've seen on mumsnet horrify me and stay with me for ages. How people can be mums but care so little
And honestly, I genuinely worry about all these people who love true crime and have such interest in serial killers. I don't know how they bare to hear it, never mind enjoy it.

I also often forget that other people just simply do not think of others and I take it so personally when people display selfish behaviour. I just can not get my head around how some people aren't being mean on purpose but simply do not think about other people at all. So bizarre to me.

And I know this post probably makes people think of a simpering, soppy, wet blanket but I assure you that I can stick up for myself and be assertive. I just don't think a lack of empathy is an aspirational trait and it's the first thing that makes me go off a person.

Those "yeah I'd push the button to make someone die so I could get £1 million" people. Shudder. Couldn't be me.

Does the one lost glove on a railing make you cry? That's when I know I have to just go home, make soup, talk to the cats & stop any other interactions with the world.

You don't feel things more deeply. You just react in a more extreme way.

Gosh. Same. Was just fretting about this myself.

Yes, thought I was a highly sensitive person, turns out I'm autistic.

I have the opposite problem. I just don’t seem to care very much. I don’t seem to have much of an emotional connection with people. For example I ring my parents around every 6 weeks. Even then it’s only because I feel I have to. I’m not really bothered about knowing what they’re watching on tv or eating for dinner etc.

I only have work friends as I don’t know how to maintain friendships. It’s out of sight out of mind for me. I haven’t seen my brother for years and haven’t even met my neice.

I have DC and would die for them. But I don’t feel the need to know everything they’re doing e.g I dont care what they had for lunch as long as they had some.

I do feel sad watching the news sometimes. When they show people being killed in war or in accidents. But it’s just fleeting and often I get annoyed at why there’s so much war coverage.

I am a Pisces by the way.

I also know how to fake caring so people at work think I’m really nice e.g I’ll text them when they’re off sick and ask how their family is. But inside I couldn’t really care less.

I have wondered whether I’m autistic and what’s wrong with me to be like this.

Said someone, who is completely heartless.

One that always gets me? Have you seen the really sweet Christmas film called Nativity! With Martin Freeman in.

reduces me to tears every time, multiple times through the film, and I have no idea why apart from the fact it’s just so adorable

Hrmm no. You're one of the ones who doesn't get it.

Just reading this thread…

Today I was in the park ( not living in the UK) with my kids , hot weather and one of the moms left her little one (approx 1 yo) in a car seat covered by a white blanket/ towel with ‘airflow’ in a full sun (26 degrees) while playing with her DC near by. Now I am unable to fall asleep thinking if that poor baby is ok & if I should have called the police as it could be dangerous for baby’s life…talking of sensitive…I am wondering if ‘not so sensitive’ person would be thinking about this…

I'm like this. Always have been. I'm now nearly 50 and I keep reading that with plummeting oestrogen levels I should be toughening up and not caring so much. Hasn't happened yet!
My ex said I felt empathy to a neurotic degree. That it was actually like an illness with me. Does that sound familiar OP?
Yes I get very deeply affected if friends or family are suffering but luckily most of them are fine. I get very upset about news stories, particularly child abuse cases, images of war etc. Also anything to do with animals suffering.
Although it makes life difficult I wouldn't change how I am. I wouldn't want to care less. There are enough people in the world who don't about others. I think we balance them out OP!
I try to channel these feelings into good deeds. At least then something good comes out of it.

I used to be like this, such a nice girl who had sympathy for everyone and really felt for them.

Fast forward to now - post horrendous seperation and other problems where, really, no-one was there for me and I had to solve everything with no help. This has changed me! I certainly realised that many other people aren't like that and being like that was doing me no good.

I am a lot harder and much less sympathetic, I roll my eyes a LOT more now. I really don't feel in the same way as before, things don't reach me.

So - it can change. I used to be soooo nice ... now I'm a cow!

Exactly this. I tend to find that people who think they feel things so differently to others actually are in some ways less sensitive to others (or lack emotional intelligence).

a LOT of people will cry or feel
upset at the news/a sad advert/a sad story about a stranger. It’s not unusual.

Most people will have also got upset about the idea of something happening to a loved one (even if it’s unlikely.)

While the breadth of reaction may be different - most people feel this way about lots of things. Just listen to any celeb being asked about the last time they cried - half the time it will be something totally mundane

I'm an empath or HSP, call it what you will. I feel other's pain and their joy, I always have. I'm so connected to some people, that I can tell from their texts if they're having a bad.

I'm currently feeling pretty crap about pulling away from a recent ex boyfriend who's depressed and stressed, but won't do anything about it. It was really starting to properly affect my mood, but I see a counsellor who helped to see that sometimes it can very unhealthy for me.

The thing I don't like about it, is that sometimes I end being massively disappointed in the odd person's behaviour (I'm looking at you exh) and find it incredible that people will actually behave badly and go out of their way to hurt someone.

But on the whole, I'd rather be like this than not. Interestingly, dd18 is the complete opposite of me!

Anyone who feels they relate to this - please ignore any nasty comments. It’s so hard to understand unless you are, live with or are very close to a HSP/Empath etc. There will always be people who don’t get it and wrote you off as someone hysterical or dramatic, whatever they want to call it.

There can be a lot of shame around being very sensitive but there really shouldn’t be. Own it 💖

😂

I used to be like this but Covid made my short term memory go a bit rubbish and now when I see things that really upset me, I immediately forget them. It's been a godsend, honestly. I can recommend short term memory loss as a cure of mood problems.

I did always used to have a ridiculously good memory, so I had a bit spare to lose fortunately.

Yeah, I'm an empath and so is my daughter. Lots of people are empathetic, but being highly sensitive is off the scale empathetic to the point where your stomach hurts for other people. I spend lots of time overthinking and overanalysing interactions, too.

I mean, that was sad, it's quite normal to have found that sad.

I think sometimes people who think they are highly sensitive aren't as empathetic as they think, they just assume that people are feeling bad, when sometimes they aren't. Sometimes what you think is empathy is something that's triggered your feelings, not that you've felt someone else's.

Exactly this. I tend to find that people who think they feel things so differently to others actually are in some ways less sensitive to others (or lack emotional intelligence).

Spot on.

“I’m so sensitive and feel things so deeply and I’m so empathetic that I don’t believe most people can possibly also feel things deeply”.

This is thing isn’t it, you were thinking about the child’s safety and really concerned, whereas another person might not give it a second thought, l understand others might say how do l know that, l’ve just spent enough time around people to know.Back last year, was on my way to work, my eye sights not great, saw something lying at the side of road, but l could see feathers, but no movement, just instinctively, went over to check, it was an owl, that was still alive, but just hanging on in there.Luckily, l had a small blanket in my bag (for my elderly dog) gently picked him up, all l could see was these huge eyes.I took him to the local vets.Point being, other people were walking by, looked the other way, by no means am l asking for a medal, it was just instinct.I kept in touch with the vets, they said, he was really dehydrated, undernourished, they had to hydrate him intravenously.They contacted a bird rescue, he was going to be transferred, they were hopeful, he would pull through.Anyway l guess point being, if l see an injured animal, particularly birds, no matter what it takes l’ll do it.
And l think it’s down to feeling empathy towards others, not dismissing them, their feelings are valid and trying to put myself in their position, to understand.l also find myself sticking up for other’s who are being treated unfairly.It doesn’t make it right or wrong, l get not everyone feels this way, or wants to, however it is ok to be sensitive, to other people’s feelings and care.

I'm highly attuned to other people's emotions, but I don't think of myself as an empath.

I just grew up with a mercurial, bipolar mother and learned to survive by reading micro-expressions and internalising responsibility for her emotional well-being.

I never learned how to distinguish between where I ended and other people began, because that overlap was what kept me safe and alive as a child.

Learning how to regulate my emotional responses gave me enormous freedom from the feeling of being battered by everything going on around me, which I think some (not all) people who identify as empaths / HSPs are probably experiencing and giving a shinier name to.

@LadyTinHat

I also know how to fake caring so people at work think I’m really nice e.g I’ll text them when they’re off sick and ask how their family is. But inside I couldn’t really care less.
I have wondered whether I’m autistic and what’s wrong with me to be like this.

Honestly I think a bit of separation is healthy and I don’t think there’s anything wrong with you. Certainly doesn’t mean you are autistic.

Sensitivity is a nice quality but it’s quite useful, for your own self preservation, not to have to feel massively empathetic to everyone around you. It sounds draining and a bit limiting.

I honestly don’t care very much about people if I dont know them well. I don’t mean them harm but I would struggle to give much headspace to them.

It’s also a question of degree: If someone at work who I don’t know well was diagnosed with a life limiting illness I would be concerned. If they had three days off sick with a bad cold I wouldn’t feel particularly moved by it.

Also it’s about their relationship to you. I care a great deal about my child and partner and close friends but I don’t have limitless empathy to give out. Sorry if that makes me sound hard hearted but I have enough things to worry about without getting upset about inconsequential things affecting people I barely know.

It must be really hard to get anything done if you’re always upset over minor things which affect people who aren’t close to you and I am glad I’m not like this. I think a bit of mental toughness doesn’t do you any harm.