To be annoyed with teacher

[Spentmylifeinschool]

So I'm a teacher, many years of experience and if a child isn't happy or a parent asks for their child to be moved to another seat for some reason its not a problem, they're moved.
My daughter is 7, had problems with another child annoying her last year and filling her head with things that gave her nightmares. I spoke to the teacher, she was moved to another table and things improved greatly.
Over the summer at a couple of parties other parents noticed this child pulling my daughter constantly, not letting her play with others etc. We've worked to encourage her to play with her other friends in the playground etc. 1st two days of this school year they were allowed to choose their own seat, my daughter v carefully choose a table away from this child. Came home upset at the end of the second day that when the teacher gave them seats she was seated with this child. I spoke to the principal (tiny country school and she was at the gate) who said no bother, we'll have a seat move. It didn't happen. My daughter became increasingly upset as the days went in and on two further occasions I spoke to the principal who said she'd move the seats.. she didn't, she had a chat about sharing friends. I then spoke to the class teacher and politely asked him to move my daughter, explained the upset and said it couldn't continue. Still no seat move. It is now is the start of the second month and my daughter was hysterical and too scared to go to school this morning due to the scary things this child tells her. (We seem to have sorted the problems of not being allowed to play with others their encouraging other friendships). I went to teacher again this morning and explained and asked again for her to be moved. He said he didn't understand as they talk to each other (I'm not trying to stop her from talking to her, it's a small school so not really possible) and that he couldn't move her as she works well where she is (she is likely to work better elsewhere in my opinion as the upset is causing her to slow her rate of work etc)
Am I being unreasonable to be annoyed and want something done? He was so patronising and condescending when he spoke to me which also annoyed me.

Yanbu, they should just move the poor girl, it’s easily done! I’d go back to the head and demand it I think

You are right to be upset. I'm a teacher too and it's generally an easy thing to try. Granted I have said I'll move a child and maybe forgotten or it'll take me a couple of days to get round to it but if a parent was up a second time I would apologise and sort it straight away. If there was history from the previous year it would be a no brainer to separate them. Very odd the teacher won't give it a try. Maybe get it in writing and say that you will take it further (e.g, board of governors) if this issue isn't being taken seriously.

I don't want to be sexist but...

I would demand an urgent meeting with the head, say that you have repeatedly been ignored and condescended to and that the school's inaction is negatively impacting your daughter's education.

Email the head- put it in writing and say you are making a formal request for her to be moved by x time following numerous ignored previous requests and if she is not moved by this time, you will make a formal complaint. Say you have enjoyed a positive relationship with the school and wish this to continue but the repeated failure to grant a simple request that is detrimentally affecting her well-being is very disappointing and hence, you are now making this request more formally.

Also - I'm a teacher too and often we are too nice and will avoid doing anything to be "that" parent but often that means we put up with stuff other parents really wouldn't.

I agree, I'd completely understand if it had slipped their mind on one occasion but it's getting ridiculous now

Totally! I'm forever keeping quiet to not be 'that' parent

Thank you all for your replies.
My husband has sent a quite formal email to the head so will see what happens, as clearly despite my last meeting with her about it she wasn't taking me seriously.
I've just been appointed to the Board of Governors so will be interesting if we end up having to take it further.

I had a similar problem with my DS last year. What didn't work: talking numerous time to the teacher.
What did work: writing an e-mail to the head where I explained having talked numerous times with the teacher about a problem and it isn't solved yet to the detriment of my child's mh. Also wrote that I would save the e-mail if nothing was done in order to go further up with this problem (not seating but bullying).
This resulted in parents getting called in, final warning to boy since it had been ongoing, a long mail to me and my son that really touched us both. And problem solved.

If being "that" parent is what it takes to save your child from harm I'll be "that" parent every day.

Glad to hear this! Tell us if it worked OP.

This annoys me so much, it’s like they think if they shove children together they’ll learn to get along, it doesn’t work like that. I had something similar with my son and he was with a group of boys and they were awful together - all of them - including my own son, they were a bad combination and the class was big so they could have been split up but they weren’t and then I was in constantly being told how he was misbehaving with the same boys - as were the other Mum’s - it was exhausting and short of me getting a job at the school I don’t know what they expected me to do about it, I’d given them the answer.

Wife of a teacher but known to be that mother who calls, emails and chats until sorted

I was 'that parent' with my child's school (I also work in a school) and it worked. We all have to do what needs doing when it comes to our children. Ask for meeting with head, teacher and chair of governor's to discuss why your concerns aren't being listened too

No absolutely not. You have every right to ask fir yiur daughter to be kept apart from this child. Its yiur daughters mental health that is important.

I’ve just been appointed to the Board of Governors so will be interesting if we end up having to take it further.

If you have to take it further you will have to separate yourself from it completely. Your husband will have to make the complaint and deal with it & you will have no inside knowledge as a governor (or that will be the case if the school governing body is competent) and if you try to use your position as a governor to get it resolved you could risk being removed from the board.

I understand you are trying hard not to be “that” parent but don’t become “that” governor either.

What's another 7 year old saying to give your child nightmares?

@Spentmylifeinschool hope it is sorted now.

it’s like they think if they shove children together they’ll learn to get along

But they do? And you learn from this?

Its horrible to be having nightmares or feeling bullied. Of course its wrong.

What does the Complaints Policy say? Stage one is usually informal (covered by your multiple chats at the gate and now your husband’s email). If it is not resolved at this point, I’d download a copy of the policy from the website and follow the stage two process.

Definitely won't be being "that" governor, more meant that I'd feel very awkward if he had to make a complaint.

Lots of chat about Pennywise will kill them while they sleep in lots of gruesome detail (my child had never heard of pennywose)

It's not on the website, but fairly sure next stage is a more formal letter to Board of Governors

Thank you for all your replies.
We got a very general email reply, but thankfully she has finally moved several children so hopefully that will improve the situation.

How does a 7 year old know about penny-wise?

Roblox